To wonder if NCT = social life during maternity leave?

[RoboticSealpup]

I've looked at the website but it's not really clear what you get from membership. Antenatal classes? Organised meet-ups? Playgroups? When I had DD I was so bored on maternity leave, as l hadn't "done NCT" (nobody told me about it!) and people kept talking about "their NCT group" and all their activities. I did a few other antenatal classes but there was no social component to them at all and I was quite lonely and bored during maternity leave despite trying to connect with other mums in various ways. I'm pregnant now and due in summer. We live in a new area so I don't really know anyone.

Couldn’t afford nct but did go to groups run by the local children’s centre, staff were so good at making everyone feel included, most mums came on their own and I ended up meeting a group of 6 mums and we continued to go to other local groups together as the kids got older, 5 years on they are my best friends and support network, we look after each other’s kids, shoulders to cry on etc, so whilst I can’t comment on nct, I definitely say try some baby groups. I’m pregnant again and plan to do the same again when this one arrives.

I don't understand what the issue is with women wanting to do this, to the point of making really nasty comments. That was my comment you're quoting. I didn't mean to suggest there was anything wrong with this at all in my comment. Maternity leave can be very lonely and it's a great idea to build yourself a support network of women in the same boat!

I did NCT when pregnant with DC1 as I wanted to meet local mums who would be on maternity leave at the same time as me. I met some great friends, who I am still in touch with 8 years later despite most of us having moved away. How is it any different from joining a club or starting a hobby to meet people?

I still see my NCT group weekly, and the kids are 12 this year.

Point I wanted to make is that some areas run a Support Mum system too - your NCT class plus anyone else due the same time gets allocated to someone with a toddler (usually) and they facilitate meet ups in the weeks after the class and when the babies are small. You are then invited to do the same, and so the system rolls on. It's brilliant. Meeting in a neutral location meant we could feed, change, deal with crying without feeling we were being stared at, until you felt more confident to go out to a cafe or you had your own house under control. I lent out nappies, breast pads, T shirts, all sorts when groups came here.

The classes are worth it if you can afford it and can take the pain relief / breastfeeding uber alles stuff with a pinch of salt (as it's DC2 I'm sure you know things don't always go to plan!) We did the 12 hour course across 2 Saturdays.

We met up as a group of 8 quite a bit during mat leave - now 7.5 years later I'm in weekly contact with 3 others and have spa days, caravan holidays eye together.

HOWEVER these 3 women were coincidentally at Baby Sensory and later, a rhyme time group with us anyway so we'd have possibly hit it off anyway - "knowing" them from NCT offered a leg up though in terms of having contact details etc.

I also made medium term friends (until DC went to school) at a library group and children's centre groups. I now volunteer at sling library (meet ups often at soft play or children's centres so perfect if you have an older DC who wants to play anyway, and lots of parents like the fact there's a "reason" to be there and friendships can evolve or not with no pressure). I do breastfeeding support at a regular group too and know a lot of mums have made really good friends there.

Also should add that I met some lovely people at parent groups as well which were free so you don’t have to spend money

Our NCT teacher didn't push meds free child birth, she went through all the different options, and our feeding session also discussed formula in a non judgemental way. But probably the people who attended, me included, were more inclined that way anyway.

The information we were given I personally found helpful and factual. Less hippyish than I thought it would be.

I found NCT a life saver when I was pregnant/ maternity leave.

Still friends with one of them 12 years on.

Would def recommend.

Couldn’t afford nct but did go to groups run by the local children’s centre

Children's centres don't do mainstream provision anymore. It's only for at-risk groups now, at least where I live.

Our NCT woman was horrible and picked on me for some reason and I stopped going. From the start she took against me for some reason and would make me sit out of group exercises etc "oh you go over there you'll be more comfortable" ???

When it was due time I got an email from her saying have you had baby what was it etc
And I thought OK water under bridge I did have MH issues perinattaly so benefit of the doubt and I sent her a nice email bakc with the info and hope you well etc
Then an ?email?newsletter came around and it had all the info on all the babies from our group and mine was left out.

I am still angry and upset about thisTBH.

Obviosuly that was one teacher/leader at one group, most poeple have a good experience from what I hear!

My sister did it and has lots of friends from it. Our nearest one was 20 miles away and I didn't go. I made friends at breastfeeding group and playgroup so I think as long as you are friendly enough you'll be fine either way

My post natal (local nhs type thing) was brilliant but from googling looks like they don't exist any more.

I mean I'm angry and upset about her being so horribel she made me cry
I stopped going although had shelled out £££ and also told I had to get membership
Then her contacting me when the whole thing was awful and I was struggling with MH
THEN leaving my baby off the list with all the others on it I mean how utterly fucking pathetic

I'll stop going on now! It's taken me back I obviously haven't got over it (11 years ago!).

Haven’t RTFT but my NCT was turd and I didn’t gel with the others.

Sanity savers:

Buggyfit
Baby sign language
Baby massage
Rhyme Time (usually at the library)

All ridiculous middle class frou-frou nonsense bar Buggyfit - it stopped my baby blues developing into PND and three years on many of us are still good friends.

The others are good just to meet other mums in your position, maybe grab a coffee and compare notes on how knackered you are.

Just anything that gets you meeting other mums (esp first timers) is a sanity saver

I’m pretty sporty and found my best mat leave friends on ante natal yoga and baby swimming. But the real advantage of nct is the babies are exactly the same age/stage. A month or two makes a huge difference in the first year.

I live in London so where you go to NCT is not necessarily the nearest place to you but the one that has sessions that you can get to when you are pregnant. As a result there are other groups e.g. parents groups run by churches that are within walking distance that you are more likely to make long term friends from as they live nearer. I suggest if you go to a group and other parents ignore you then go to different group. Also if you live in an area with a lot of children like I do you end up making parent friends with random people who live nearby as long as you aren't completely unsociable.

I found my NCT group useful due to the fact everyone gave birth in the same hospital so could provide tips on things. Plus due to having a good tutor, people with a wide range of experiences in the group and no lactation consultant as she was on holiday there was no uber line on feeding and child birth. This meant people in my group could and have stood up to other HCPs who parroted that line on those and other maternal health issues, which has improved mental well-being.

I onky started going to the NCT baby group with child number 3

As i didnt know anyone with a child that age and everything else was geared up to first time mums

Buying friends? Can you even do that?

It’s a convenient way of meeting women likely to be in the same boat over the next few months.

The classes were possibly the worst hours of DH’s life. I also shouldn’t have mentioned my plan for an epidural or bottle feeding to our tutor, but it was nice to have a network in the very early days.

I’ve sort of decided not to do NCT. It’s the most local one to me, but I’ve heard ours is very hippy and really push breast is best/you shouldn’t have pain relief in labour/medical intervention is bad. So no.

There are two private ones. One takes the piss out of fathers on their Facebook page (lots of patronising men won’t know the difference between rompers and sleepsuits, don’t leave it to your husband to bring spare underwear to hospital or you’ll be brought sexy thongs type posts). The other seems pragmatic but is on the wrong side of town for me.

Guess I’ll take my chances with the library baby group

Made good friends at it seven years ago. Went on holiday with one of the families last summer and had a great time.

My baby is a week old and my NCT group has been brilliant so far. Already worth the money for me. Classes were knackering but we then met up for a few coffees during late pregnancy which helped us get to know each other and now babies have arrived the WhatsApp group is brilliant for sharing info, worries, and just having someone to talk to in the middle of the night when you’re up with your baby! Can’t wait for us all to start meeting up, it’ll be a godsend when partners go back to work, particularly as we are all within walking distance. There is an official reunion in two months.

It's not 'buying friends' so much as 'buying the opportunity to make friends' IMO

This is a good way of putting it.

There are no guarantees, but it

Why were you bored on your first mat leave ? What was missing and how long will you be on mat leave this time - or rather what’s your plan

Whoops, baby pressed send.

No guarantees, but it creates fertile conditions for building a social circle.

My NCT group were good in the early years and 4 of us hung out regularly. 4 years on, I'm tight with 1 of the mums. That feels like a relatively good result.

The actual classes were ok, nothing you couldn't find out for yourself online. For me it was invaluable to meet people. I didn't have a single friend with a child (fairly young mum) so having a group with similar aged babies was really great. Our babies turn 2 this spring and I still see 7 out of the 8 mums regularly. Two of them I see at least once a week and we went on holiday with one of the couples last year. We were lucky to get on well as a group but even if I only made one or two friends it would be worth it.