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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder if NCT = social life during maternity leave?

111 replies

RoboticSealpup · 05/01/2019 11:24

I've looked at the website but it's not really clear what you get from membership. Antenatal classes? Organised meet-ups? Playgroups? When I had DD I was so bored on maternity leave, as l hadn't "done NCT" (nobody told me about it!) and people kept talking about "their NCT group" and all their activities. I did a few other antenatal classes but there was no social component to them at all and I was quite lonely and bored during maternity leave despite trying to connect with other mums in various ways. I'm pregnant now and due in summer. We live in a new area so I don't really know anyone.

OP posts:

MoaningSickness · 05/01/2019 19:57

I think NCT do refresher courses for people who already have a child/children

I've heard this, but I don't think they can be very common, as they don't do them round here, or in my old area.

Kitsandkids · 05/01/2019 20:00

I’m on our town’s NCT Facebook group but I’ve never been to a class or paid to be a member. They arrange meet ups etc and I have been to one of them. I also know a couple of the main organisers through going to various playgroups and I find them a bit cliquey if I’m honest, though I’m sure they don’t mean to come across that way and they are nice enough.

I would say the best thing to do when you have a baby is to go to as many baby groups as you can. There are various paid for ones (Baby Sensory etc) but also free ones at Children’s Centres and cheap ones at Church halls. Go to as many as you can and you’ll soon find ‘your people.’ I can chat and get on with most people but I have also made quite a few good friends through the groups and now our babies are toddlers we tend to go to the same groups together during the week (with somebody or other not being there on certain days due to work shifts) so our children are growing up with a close little social group which is nice - until they’re old enough to fight and argue at least! 😂

Graffitiqueen · 05/01/2019 20:07

I didn’t do NCT. I made friends from NHS antenatal and baby massage classes. Nearly 12 years later and I’m still very friendly with a couple of them.

Maternity leave can be pretty lonely, I don’t see the issue with trying to hook up with other women who will be on maternity leave at the same time.

SuziQ10 · 05/01/2019 20:08

No NCT social life for me.
We did the full NCT course (£300ish) and found all the other mums who attended to be a lot older. They were all 40+ mums and I didn't find I had much in common with them.
I did meet with them for a couple of tea dates when we all had newborns but didn't jel. I was glad I didn't bother investing much time in establishing a friendship with them as they all seemed to go back to work very quickly anyway, weeks and months after babies arrival. I was disappointed not to have met a fun / nice group, although the classes were fairly useful for a first time mum.

The mums I became friends with were those I met at baby classes and coffee mornings once DD was here.

Kintan · 05/01/2019 20:41

We did NCT and although the course content was nothing special, it was great for meeting local people going through the same experience as we were. Our group ranged from 27 to 41 years old, with vastly differing life experiences and financial situations, but we all really gelled luckily. Babies are about to turn 2 and we still meet up regularly

HP07 · 05/01/2019 21:01

I didn’t do NCT. In my area we had a first time mums group organised by the local health visitors and that’s where I met a huge amount of my Mum friends, they also introduced me to some of their Mum friends from other groups. I have a couple of friends from baby massage from my first baby and also from swimming lessons, plus some of my existing friends were having babies at the same time as me luckily. I think it’s incredibly important to make a bit social/support network when having babies as it means you always have someone to bounce concerns off, speak to I nthe dead of night in those early days and plenty of friends for coffee meet ups and play dates. I’m partway through my second mat leave and I rarely have a week where I don’t meet up a few times with various friends. It really breaks the week up and stops you losing the plot on a tough day.

HP07 · 05/01/2019 21:02

*big not bit

MrsDrudge · 05/01/2019 21:07

It might help to mention it to your MW and HV - they should be able to help with various groups which might appeal/help meet others. Eg pregnancy/post natal yoga, new parent groups, pregnancy/baby swim classes, as well as NCT groups.

Original poster

RoboticSealpup · 05/01/2019 21:28

Thanks everyone! Useful to know that experiences can be rather varied. Unfortunately we are probably going to be moving house around the time the baby is born, so if I do make friends I may end up losing them straight away...

OP posts:

BikeRunSki · 05/01/2019 21:36

Then there is no point!

Go to NHS classes to learn what you need to know about childbirth.

Move house

Go to every single mum/baby group you can find in village halls, churches, soft play centres etc including NCT coffee mornings/bump and baby groups - or see if there is an NCT "Early Days" group in your new area. My rule of thumb was to try each group 3 times, before I rejected it. You will find your people, but you do need to look for them.

chocooverload2010 · 05/01/2019 21:41

I think it's worth doing because if you get on well with the other mums in the NCT Group you can keep each other company on mat leave.

Unfortunately that wasn't the case for me - we get on alright but I don't think we ever really had enough in common to click as a group and met up only a handful of times. If it wasn't for already having family and friends in the area I'd have been quite lonely...but if that was the case I'd definitely have made more effort to join more mother and baby groups!

Canuckduck · 05/01/2019 21:43

We did antenatal classes and 5/6 of us kept in touch. We hung out during maternity leave (houses, park, pub etc) as well as had nights out with couples and family meet ups. It was great. I then moved and met tons of new friends via the local children’s centre. I didn’t find organized (paid) classes as conducive to meeting new people as they were often attended by moms who were friends already or everyone tended to leave quickly after the class was done.

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 05/01/2019 21:45

Unfortunately we are probably going to be moving house around the time the baby is born

Save your £££ and spend the equivalent on going to plenty baby groups/stay and plays etc.

Or undertake the genius move a PP cited by infiltrating the NCT in your new area and just go along to whatever they hold in the area.

LaurieMarlow · 05/01/2019 21:46

Everything BikeRunSki said.

If you're not looking for a network, there is no point.

smokealarm · 05/01/2019 21:48

Hated my NCT group. Fake, aspiring middle-class, competitive parent types who were irritating as fuck talking about house prices and their new cars. They all went back to work within 12 months and I'm the only SAHM of the group. I made loads more mum friends by going to local mum + baby classes!

cazinge · 05/01/2019 21:54

My NCT group have been my lifesaver. Baby is 8 months next week and out of 8, 7 of us are on a Whatsapp group and speak most days. Whether back to work will change that I don't know, 1 woman has gone back, another does in a couple of weeks then it's me in 6 weeks. We talk about planning our next babies at the same time so we can have mat leave together again.

Pinkblanket · 05/01/2019 21:57

I didn't do the NCT antenatal classes but have met some of my best friends at other events our branch runs. Contact them and see what they do.

ThatsNotNiceRoger · 05/01/2019 22:01

I did NCT and we met up weekly whilst pregnant and after giving birth. We’ve also moved away now but are still in touch. I never paid for membership.

ForgivenessIsDivine · 05/01/2019 22:03

I liked the NCT for the opportunity it gave me to meet people at the same stage of life as me. First time I did the antenna natal course and a post natal course but it was geared to first time mum's so not easy with a toddler. Second time I did a second time Mum course which was amazing as I got some friends for my toddler too!! I worked long hours and my son was at nursery so we didn't have many friends who were on maternity leave at the same time plus, I like having different groups of friends, I still do, 15 years later!! With baby number three I had moved house and went to toddler groups and classes (yoga and singing) which was a good way to meet people. I also tried Mummy dating (local meet ups) but that was somehow less successful.

Butteredghost · 05/01/2019 22:17

Personally mum and baby groups like NCT aren't for me, but why are people so snobby about it. Saying it's "buying friends" is just ridiculous. Almost every social activity involves some outlay of money, even if it's just the cash to drive there, entry fee, lunch out, etc. Is it "buying friends" going to the pub, doing a dancing class or joining a hiking club? They all cost money. Is the difference that NCT is mainly for women so it's automatically pathetic? What's wrong with meeting people in your same stage of life?

stickystick · 05/01/2019 22:36

A reason to join the NCT (I’m not saying it’s a good or bad one):
Some NCT groups run nearly new sales for clothing, toys and equipment. If you are an NCT member you get in to have first pick of the stuff half an hour before everyone else.

EggplantsForever · 05/01/2019 22:48

"it is literally buying friends".

It kind of is. And it is a bit ridiculous.

When I first came to England I couldn't get my mind around it. Why can't you just meet people at the playground? At a cafe?

Paying to find friends among 8 randomly chosen people seemed utterly pathetic. Like how bad should your social skills be to need this?

But the thing is that playgrounds here are often empty unless you scheduled with someone, people don't sit with babies in cafes, and generally tend to socialise inside their own homes. So the culture is very very different. And I can see how it might be necessary. Also if everybody else does it you kind of have to as well.

Just don't let it get ridiculous once your child start socialising on his own. I still cannot get over my dd's best friends 4th birthday. They both attended full-time nursery by then, but my DD was the only child from the nursery invited to this party. The rest were the NCT group kids. The birthday child barely remembered them, but the mum was desperate to impress the NCT friends with her new house and general advancement in life...

RockinRobinTweets · 05/01/2019 22:49

Ime the classes are pointless but you meet a group of mum friends with similar due dates

Cherry321 · 05/01/2019 22:56

Didn't get much out of the classes, but the group who all had babies the same age are invaluable.

UhUhUhDennis · 05/01/2019 23:08

I don't even know what NCT stands for or what it is. My DD Is 19 months so she's not even that old. Is this a new thing?

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