To wonder if NCT = social life during maternity leave?

[RoboticSealpup]

I've looked at the website but it's not really clear what you get from membership. Antenatal classes? Organised meet-ups? Playgroups? When I had DD I was so bored on maternity leave, as l hadn't "done NCT" (nobody told me about it!) and people kept talking about "their NCT group" and all their activities. I did a few other antenatal classes but there was no social component to them at all and I was quite lonely and bored during maternity leave despite trying to connect with other mums in various ways. I'm pregnant now and due in summer. We live in a new area so I don't really know anyone.

I did NCT when I was pregnant with dd1 7 years ago. Made great friends, 2 particularly who I'm very happy to have in my life. Had great social life on both mat leaves. I had other friends and did things on my own but it broadened my circle of friends.

I didn’t do NCT as I knew they were very pro natural childbirth and I knew this wasn’t going to be the case for me. But I did go to lots of toddler / baby groups and also Bookbug classes where I met most of my mum friends. 3 years later I am still in touch with many of them (tend to meet up with at least one of them every week. )

For me, I got out and about to baby classes and groups every day and asked lots of other mums out for coffee (first time in my life I was so confident). When I went to groups that were cliquey, I just didn’t bother going back. I also grew a thicker skin if people didn’t want to talk to me; there would be someone else that did

I never did NCT but met a really good group of mums through a breastfeeding support group many of whom I'm still in touch with now- 6 years later. We all used to meet at various baby groups and then toddler groups etc. We also used to meet up at each other's homes.

When I had my first I lived in a very MC market town and not doing NCT was a huge disadvantage.

I remember sitting in a cafe with my six week-old baby, and two mums who had met at NCT were there with their own tiny babies. I approached them and chatted; they were polite before wandering off on their own. They just didn’t need any more friends. I would wander through the parks with my pushchair seeing NCT groups sat in circles at their picnics, excluding anyone else not in their group. Same at a children’s centre course I did - the NCT people joined to do it together and were not interested in making any other friends. It made me feel really shit TBH.

So I personally think it’s unfortunately necessary if you live in a certain area, for your first baby, when everything is overwhelming and difficult, unless you have a lot of other support.

I later made very good friends (we had moved by that point anyway), it just took longer. I liked church playgroups, the ones where older ladies befriend you when you walk in so you feel comfortable. And having an older baby/toddler meant they befriended other children by themselves so I naturally got chatting to their mums.

Also, in the new area there were lots more NCT drop-in type groups and an active Facebook page, which seemed more inclusive than in my previous town.

NCT seems to be a mixed bag. I found the classes invaluable as I didn’t read much about birth before them and the section on c-sections meant I was much more informed and therefore calmer when I needed one. I admit the breastfeeding session was useless. I met up with most of my group for about a year after our babies were born but then we lost touch. I’m still glad I did it as they were great for that first year when I needed them most.

When I had my first I lived in a very MC market town and not doing NCT was a huge disadvantage.

Me too! My god, people were cliquey. We live in London now so maybe things will be easier this time. DD is going to start school shortly after the baby is born so I won't necessarily need to take her with me to baby activities.

robotic we also then moved to a city and I personally found it sooo much friendlier and more inclusive than my old town. I also found it easier second time around as I knew what type of groups suited me and what to avoid!

I didn't do NCT but 8 years ago when I had my first baby the children's centres were at their peak. I was really lucky to access free stay and play sessions, baby massage, music groups, sing and sign, sensory groups etc- there was literally something free every day. I met my friends through these groups. With 2nd baby I did meet a few people but by then I had a network so didn't need as many new friendships. I live in an affluent area but 8 years ago the children's centre services were available to all families.

We did nhs antenatal classes and I met one friend there who happened to live in my street and we went to a few groups together. There were also a couple of church groups we went to (which weren't religious in content- the groups just rented the space). Really reasonable eg £1 per baby/ toddler including coffee, biscuits and snack for children.

@RoboticSealpup I did NCT classes for my second baby as I was in a brand new city. It has worked out really well and 5 years on some of the other women are my closest friends. The classes were awful though. But we all bonded over how absurd they were. Like you I had quite a lonely first mat leave as none of my friends had babies, all my family is far away and it was hard to meet other mums. It depends on who attends your classes but I feel so lucky with with the group I met.

Not all NCT classes are fixated on breastfeeding/no pain relief in labour.

Ours wasn't perfect but there were really useful things. There was a whole session dedicated to explaining exactly what happens in an emergency section (eg., who will be in the room, what you may not be told, where your partner may be expected to stand, etc.). Since three of the group had sections it was really important!

We also got told about how to make formula, and what kinds of pain relief are out there. Definitely wasn't any pressure not to have pain relief.

I think it depends a lot on what your local provider is like as I was a bit apprehensive before the classes, but they were very down to earth.