To think I might be being used?

[smithy1991]

Ready for a telling off here to be honest. I think I've been really stupid.

Been with OH for 3 years, had a good relationship, we have lived together for the last 18 months and paid everything 50:50.

The last 9 months or so have been quite rocky.

Both of us not as happy as we had been. I'd noticed a massive drop in his efforts and interest. He never wants to spend time with me, completely lost interest in sex (he's even told me he just doesn't have the urge anymore - before he was very active). So obviously I've been questioning things, been very upset and felt unwanted, so I've spoke to him and he always says I'm being paranoid and that he definitely wants to be with me etc. But nothing changes. We sit separately in the house, no time together, no interest in my life whatsoever. But he doesn't leave.

I'm only now just realising, he knows that a few months ago I was left some money by a family member, since then. He quit his job (was out of work for a while but back working now) and since then hasn't paid a penny towards the house or anything else. He has pretty much rinsed all of the money I got left whilst I haven't touched it for myself because I was hoping to keep it for a house deposit or something useful. Every day he tells me he needs some money for something, and I know I should have been saying no but he gets so moody with me when I say no and says I'm being spiteful and cruel and he's going to pay me back. Well it's been 3 months now and I haven't received a penny from him for the money he owes me, nor anything towards the house.

It's dawning on me, he doesn't love me anymore, and he's staying because why the hell not! I make his life a million times easier and he is just happily rinsing through my money.

FWIW, he's my partner and I'd always help him out, but I think now it's clear he's taking me for a ride.

I know I've been extremely naive and stupid, but every time I've asked him about his feelings or said I am going to leave because I feel so unhappy, he's so good at convincing me everything is ok and to stay, until I stay and then we're back to normal.

So what do you think, am I being used or am I just being a little bit paranoid? Thank you in advance - sorry if I sound pathetic just getting quite desperate now.

OP I hope you’re ok.
He sounds very manipulative. You were naive because you loved him don’t beat yourself up about that just get him out soon.
Lock to be changed while he’s at work next and his stuff on doorstep.
Call in a family member or friend for back up when he’s due home.

Op I hope you are ok

Oh he sounds foul. You do not sound foul. You sound lovely. In fact, a bit too lovely, as you’ve let this man manipulate you into giving him everything in return for nothing.

His words are whipping you like a poor abused puppy dog. He is cruel, trying to bring you to heel by his threats and insults and name calling.

He’s painting you with descriptions of himself.

But it won’t stick because it’s not you, it’s his colours to wear. You wear your glorious, beautiful, untainted self, because all you’ve done is to love someone who is foul beneath the surface.

So head up high and let those nasty paints flow straight off you into a dank little puddle on the floor. And you carry on stepping right on with your life leaving him behind.

Because you’ll move on and find love whereas he’ll go in circles repeating the same trick over again with a different girl.

How are you today, @smithy1991 ? Hope things are OK and he's buggered off.

So glad you've wised up to him. Him stomping around and calling you names just shows you his true colour really. Sad, but at least you know now.