To think I might be being used?

[smithy1991]

Ready for a telling off here to be honest. I think I've been really stupid.

Been with OH for 3 years, had a good relationship, we have lived together for the last 18 months and paid everything 50:50.

The last 9 months or so have been quite rocky.

Both of us not as happy as we had been. I'd noticed a massive drop in his efforts and interest. He never wants to spend time with me, completely lost interest in sex (he's even told me he just doesn't have the urge anymore - before he was very active). So obviously I've been questioning things, been very upset and felt unwanted, so I've spoke to him and he always says I'm being paranoid and that he definitely wants to be with me etc. But nothing changes. We sit separately in the house, no time together, no interest in my life whatsoever. But he doesn't leave.

I'm only now just realising, he knows that a few months ago I was left some money by a family member, since then. He quit his job (was out of work for a while but back working now) and since then hasn't paid a penny towards the house or anything else. He has pretty much rinsed all of the money I got left whilst I haven't touched it for myself because I was hoping to keep it for a house deposit or something useful. Every day he tells me he needs some money for something, and I know I should have been saying no but he gets so moody with me when I say no and says I'm being spiteful and cruel and he's going to pay me back. Well it's been 3 months now and I haven't received a penny from him for the money he owes me, nor anything towards the house.

It's dawning on me, he doesn't love me anymore, and he's staying because why the hell not! I make his life a million times easier and he is just happily rinsing through my money.

FWIW, he's my partner and I'd always help him out, but I think now it's clear he's taking me for a ride.

I know I've been extremely naive and stupid, but every time I've asked him about his feelings or said I am going to leave because I feel so unhappy, he's so good at convincing me everything is ok and to stay, until I stay and then we're back to normal.

So what do you think, am I being used or am I just being a little bit paranoid? Thank you in advance - sorry if I sound pathetic just getting quite desperate now.

You ok op? Do you have anyone in rl who could pop over and keep you company?

What do you want to happen? Him to move out? You to move out? Or terminate contract and both find somewhere? I think maybe start practical thinking now. Work out what you want then how to get there.

Sorry he turned out to be a prick. But at least you know now rather than with a mortgage and kids etc.

OP you said you were ready to be told off...

I always say, you can recover from a broken heart but broken finances can be much harder to deal with.

is there any chance of getting any money back from him at all? Please tell me you didn't spend all of your inheritance?

after you have got rid, you never ever sub someone like this again. what was he even asking for money for?!

always always always protect your money. It is precious and sometimes, age, health etc means you can't earn it again. A bloke is never ever worth risking any cash.

Well he's making it easy to end this, isn't he! Get rid of him, as soon as possible. Don't let anything he calls you upset you - you're worth a million of him, he's a horrible selfish man. Your life will be so much better without him.

Dump him

Get rid.

You've been taken for a mug.

Well if he can’t stand you he’ll be happy to leave , right?

You will get through this x

Morally you have the high ground, because I assume you have been working and paying all the bills. I would give him one month to get a job or he is out. Why should you support another, fully able to work adult. He must have known that the non working situation would not last. Do not give him any money !

He's a cocklodger, tell him to fuck off!

Lil fucker. I worked with a guy who was temporarily separated from his wife. She came into some cash. They got back together, going to clear a chunk of mortgage and decorate the house.
He was only back a few days and took 3 months off work.
Slimey prick.

OP also you maybe need the Freedom Programme or something

he told you you were being spiteful not to give him handouts and you listened. Spend some time alone and build up your self worth

He sounds awful. How much have you given him?

Clearly if he loved you rather then using you he’d pay your rent and bills for the next three months and cough up your 5k

OP are you ok?

Hoping he doesn't make trouble for you now OP, he sounds a nasty piece of work now he's not getting things his own way...

Is there anyone you can contact to come round and be with you?

New Year so new beginnings. He's making it really easy for you to dump him and start again. He's telling you how he really feels so listen to him.

Op hope you are ok.

I had an ex who got me into debt by various means which I suppose you could say I allowed to happen. We ended up living seperate lives in the same house, turned out he had been cheating on me. We eventually broke up, it was incredibly heart breaking and took me a while to get over but then I realised one day how much happier I was without him despite the debt.

Roll on 8 years and my life is 100% better without him. He did nothing for me but destroy my soul and leave me owing alot of money.

I hope he hasn't spent all your money and it's in an account he can't access..if it is move it now!

He's got a job now, but still hasn't been paying anything towards the bills. He's telling me now that I should leave.

He's really laying it on thick that it's my fault and that I'm in the wrong, I feel physically sick because I know that he's going to make it sound like I've been terrible to him when I've sacrificed everything for him. I can't believe how convincing he is that I'm in the wrong. He even has me doubting myself. He's vile!!!

He's telling me now that I should leave

why have you got to leave?

tell him to do one!

cocklodger

Would you want to leave?

He says he can't bare to look at me. I'm not going anywhere. I've told him to leave as I pay for everything and he just laughed. Said some more vile things and now we're just sat seperatly.

He hasn’t been paying rent - he leaves!!!!!

If you do leave make sure you get your name taken off the lease or he'll stop paying rent and leave you with a huge debt. You know he'd do it.

how is the rental agreement set up?

Why should you leave? He hasn't even contributed to the bills. Though if I was you I would give notice to leave the tenancy tonight and get looking for a new place asap. It's great you realised this early that he's taking advantage... it takes many people years to get to that point to please don't be too hard on yourself OP.

Is he a joint tenant? If the house contract is only in your name can you threaten to call the police to get him out? What a nasty piece of work. How is he not embarrassed and disgusted at himself?! Lowlife.