To think people are Cruel about big’ weddings?

[MrDarcyWillBeMine]

A few wedding threads have popped up this week. Awesome, as a 2019 bride I love a good wedding thread!

However, I’m shocked and bemused by the sheer disgust MANY people openly display towards big traditional weddings. I find them very rude and small minded!

No feelings spared - plain nasty comments and even name calling! Apparently anyone who pays more than £50 to nip down their local registry office is a total ‘MUG’ and terrible person? 🤔

These nasty opinions also seems to be one sided - no ‘big weddings’ reguarlh jump in to abuse smaller cheaper ones or make crass remarks- there are plenty of ‘I’d never spend £20k on a wedding- I’d rather lick a mouldy toilet seat’ commenters

But no (very few and usually only in retaliation to abuse)
‘I’d never have a tacky function room £1k wedding - I’d rather visit a public pool 🤢’

🤔 So I can only assume that either:
A- people having cheaper wedding are generally meaner
Or
B- the abuse of large weddings is actually driven by jealousy!

With our fail it sparks a big ‘race to the bottom competition’ between commenters trying to one up each other on ‘cheapeast possible wedding’ 😒 meanwhile I just sit here thinking ‘I like my castle wedding 😬’

EVERY TYPE OF WEDDING IS LOVELY!

AIBU to think that people need to just stop being trolls and making shitty negative comments?

• I do get that weddings need to be affordable but some people CAN afford to spend £10k+ on a wedding and that’s ok!

Well said Yabbers.

In my social circle people tend to invite between 80-150 guests and spend between 10 and 20k. Free bars at all weddings. I love going to weddings and although it’s a lot of money it is pretty hard to feed water and entertain people for significantly less.

Mangoo, I was thinking that paying for drinks is/was more in the North of England

I've lived all my life in the SE - have never been to a wedding with a free bar!

I would say 50% of the weddings I have been to have a free bar.

@AlaskanOilBaron 100% estate tax and 100% tax on hoarded wealth above what you need for a comfortable life and retirement, with a little cushion to account for vagaries in cost of living over time. No one should be allowed to hoard so much money that they would even CONSIDER 20k for a wedding without causing themselves any financial risk.

You probably don’t agree I’m guessing?

@mallorie we had an open bar. We already pay over £120,000 a year in tax.

You sound like you have a massive chip on your shoulder!

@Snuffalo but most people do spend In excess of £20k and they are not all hoarding money or getting into debt. People should be allowed to spend their hard earned money (or inherited I suppose) on whatever they choose. Who are you or I to judge,

@scotmum1977 people who earn or have access to enough money to even consider paying so much for a party have amassed that money at at the expense of the poor and working class whether it’s through exploitative employment or regressive taxation. If they scrimp and save or go into debt for it, they are self-defeating idiots trying to imitate the very people who exploit them.

No one should be allowed to hoard so much money

wtf does hoarding money means?

have amassed that money at at the expense of the poor and working class whether it’s through exploitative employment or regressive taxation.

or maybe they are hard at work earning that money whilst the poor working class is ranting on a forum instead of earning a living

@Snuffalo what so anyone who saves for a wedding or whose parents give them some money towards a wedding are idiots. Surely people can spend their money on what they like without being called idiots. Do you walk down the High street on a Saturday tittering "idiots" at anyone With a car with a value over 9k. No-one needs one right? What about holidays? Do you sit outside the airport in August calling everyone idiots for spending more than £200 on a holiday! No-one needs to over indulge on a holiday surely? Houses? Clothes? I could go on but I'm wasting my time. People who work hard to earn cash should be allowed to choose what they want to spend it on,

@RosemarysBabyDress or maybe they are hard at work earning that money whilst the poor working class is ranting on a forum instead of earning a living  well said!!!

@Snuffalo I have to say thanks for the laughs, I don't think anyone actually thinks like that

actually I fully agree with snuffalo. I’d like to see inheritance completely abolished and the assets go back to the state. But that’s got nothing to do with weddings

@amorea surely nobody can be expected to cater for guests that are so foolish they do not dress appropriately for the time of year or the weather!

@Somersetlady actually we were given a strict dress code!

@Snufalo

I can’t even process your mentality - and am frankly surprised at the exceptional signal your hippy, self providing, off the grid, commune gets for you to join us in the conversation!

Apologies I can’t stay longer to disbarage your frankly ridiculous utopic (and I’m guessing extremely hypocritical) point of view (cough communism) - but I have to go back to work to finish saving the £20k for my wedding!
🙈 - those foreigners in my basement aren’t going to motivate themselves to turn out 5000 units by nightfall!!!

🙄 FFS- I work an admin office job and DP is a Dr saving lives on a daily basis! ... but no, CORRUPTION, EXPLOITATION and ILEGAL ACTIVITIES is the ONLY explanation for us being able to save £20K and we’re terrible people for doing it!

Your ideals don’t even make plausible sense - if you are happy to allow people ‘a little cushion above what they need’ how do you then think it’s wrong if instead of spending it on random stuff they save it? Is cash a ‘use it or lose it’ situation in your ideal world?

How about quality of life? One family lives off dirt cheap food £20 a week- another wants middle range stuff with some veg thrown in £30 a week- are the first family not entitled to that extra £10?

I’m guessing you have very little and I do empathise with you for that - but your very dark outlook on others lifestyles and what you deem fair is rather concerning.

I would strongly suggest you look at moving to somewhere that shares your (bordering on communism) views!

😂😂😂😂

@amorea that sounds bonkers!

Dress code - no warm clothes or coats?

Looking back, she was!

Every female had to have knee length, sleeveless dress & jacket. No fur, no winter type coats (because they would 'clutter' the photographs) and no handbags larger than clutches.

I did wear warm tights and a lined jacket, but out in the elements with no heating, for hours, was hideous.

My DH begged a cup of tea from one of the staff and five of us took turns to hold the warm cup.

MrDarcy you seem to think communism is some kind of dirty word, actually in theory it’s a fine ideology. In practice it hasn’t worked out, granted, but what’s so laughably wrong with wanting everyone to be on equal financial and social footing? I say that as someone who’s on a good salary with savings who would happily forfeit the lot if the system suddenly changed to a sharing services/distribution of wealth model.

We had a ‘pub’ wedding. Cost 17k, middle of London and we added a fair few personal touches. Church ceremony. We wanted it to feel personal and according to our guests, it was a great day.

The reality of organising an expensive wedding was totally different to the dream though - all those little touches cost a bomb, and we spent so much money that I felt a huge responsibility for it to go really well and everyone enjoy themselves. I was so focussed on the wedding I didn’t even get a dress until 2 weeks before, and totally lost the whole importance of what it was about: marriage.

Our marriage has been up and down since (kids will do that to you!) but when I look back at that day, 17k was an obscene amount of money for the level of enjoyment we both had as a result of the stress, family politics, etc. We forgot ourselves in the melee of it all and spent the first 5 years of our marriage paying it off.

It’s one day. The industry has taken all perspective out of it and essentially the premium that is added means stress and expectation for everyone. Your marriage is what matters, and it’s not happily ever after after the Big Day. It’s work in progress, a compromise for the rest of your life. The people who comment here negatively often realise that much more than you want to give them credit for, OP, and when you look at it from this side of the fence, you realise that spending an obscene amount of money on one day, when it is the marriage that really matters, isn’t moralising or cruel; it’s a well timed reminder of what is truly important.

but what’s so laughably wrong with wanting everyone to be on equal financial and social footing?

1 it destroys incentive
2 it creates an all-powerful state eg China

OP, I’m a well paid professional with an advanced degree working for the NHS, and a committed socialist, not a communist, not that you’d know the difference. Plenty of people here in the UK share my views so I’ll stay put for the moment and hopefully when you need the social safety net people like me have worked hard to put in place for you (which is very likely considering your financial priorities) it will still be there for you.

Enjoy your big fancy special pretty pretty princess day!

actually I fully agree with snuffalo. I’d like to see inheritance completely abolished and the assets go back to the state. But that’s got nothing to do with weddings

As opposed to going towards paying nursing home costs you mean? Inheritance is much less of a thing than it used to be for most of us.

what’s so laughably wrong with wanting everyone to be on equal financial and social footing?

nothing, I can't wait! The day that finally happens, I pack my job and enjoy my equality. It would also save me a fortune on uni fees for my kids, because they wouldn't need to bother with an education anymore. Bring. it. on!