To think people are Cruel about big’ weddings?

[MrDarcyWillBeMine]

A few wedding threads have popped up this week. Awesome, as a 2019 bride I love a good wedding thread!

However, I’m shocked and bemused by the sheer disgust MANY people openly display towards big traditional weddings. I find them very rude and small minded!

No feelings spared - plain nasty comments and even name calling! Apparently anyone who pays more than £50 to nip down their local registry office is a total ‘MUG’ and terrible person? 🤔

These nasty opinions also seems to be one sided - no ‘big weddings’ reguarlh jump in to abuse smaller cheaper ones or make crass remarks- there are plenty of ‘I’d never spend £20k on a wedding- I’d rather lick a mouldy toilet seat’ commenters

But no (very few and usually only in retaliation to abuse)
‘I’d never have a tacky function room £1k wedding - I’d rather visit a public pool 🤢’

🤔 So I can only assume that either:
A- people having cheaper wedding are generally meaner
Or
B- the abuse of large weddings is actually driven by jealousy!

With our fail it sparks a big ‘race to the bottom competition’ between commenters trying to one up each other on ‘cheapeast possible wedding’ 😒 meanwhile I just sit here thinking ‘I like my castle wedding 😬’

EVERY TYPE OF WEDDING IS LOVELY!

AIBU to think that people need to just stop being trolls and making shitty negative comments?

• I do get that weddings need to be affordable but some people CAN afford to spend £10k+ on a wedding and that’s ok!

I’m making an observation about middle class people I’ve encountered
And I can legitimately do that,furthermore I may or may not draw upon anecdotal evidence to substantiate what I’m saying

Alright, so yes it sounds like you dislike the middle class, based on your experience, and wanted to indirectly 'call me out' as being middle class as some kind of insult. Cool. I'll take that badge and wear it. Haters gonna hate and all that.

@LipstickHandbagCoffee I'm not middle class however the middle class people I know never talk about
money at all - thus I think your observation is just that.

People need to talk about money a lot more. Amazing what you can find out when everything is in the open and the skills you can learn on investments. Also inheriting your money is not better then earning it. Time for a new class system I think.

YANBU. We had a big wedding, not 20k though to be fair.

We’ve been married nearly 6 years and I wish we’d have spent more, to get nicer bridesmaid dresses and a better photographer. Neither of us view it as a waste of money at all.

Well the award for the most bleeding obvious post goes to scotmum
Of course my observation is factually that. my anecdotal comment
It’s veracity cannot be tested and you have to take it for what it is
Up to you whether you believe me or not. You’re under no compulsion to agree
But no you cannot discount my observation because it doesn’t match your experience

@LipstickHandbagCoffee doesn't sound like anyone would ever have wanted to come to your wedding anyway, fancy or not. You sound like a right barrel of laughs.

Anecdotes are individual experiences and hearsay. They don't "substantiate" a wider generalisation or assumption.

@LipstickHandbagCoffee of course as you rightly say it's your observation but at the same time you are insulting a lot of people (not me) with such a sweeping statement. I get the impression you dislike the middle class but that's not relevant to the OP thread.

@WrapAndRoll couldn't agree more,

Ahh you see the problem with assumptions is they are often sloppy
I’m not married,nor do I plan to be. Ever
Is that it dexy?you make an inaccurate quip presuming me to be socially inept and married
Both of which assertions are incorrect.

@DexyMidnight

@Lipstickhandbagcoffee I'm not presuming you to be socially inept that is unfortunately a given, seeing as you appear to admit to automatically disliking more than half the population based on your own insular experiences.

However noted re. your marital status and apologies for assuming you are married or may be one day.

Your desire not to marry is probably for the best tbh, given that any guest list would be fraught with socio-economic angst over who was sufficently poor or rich to warramt an invite. "not Frank dear, he shops at Waitrose, the braying fool!"

Only in your social mileu would a guest list be socially fraught or inc FrankDear
I’m adept at organising social events,large and small.for a vibrant eclectic group of friends and family

No, there wasn't any socio-economic angst for us we just invited pur families and all the people we liked. Fortunately we didn't have to categorise everyone according to their family wealth, earnings and lifestyle to make sure they were the right Class to attend. That must be so tiring - how do you manage it. Spreadsheet? Debretts?

That's nice to hear you're really good at organising social events. Does anyone come and do they like the gruel you serve them?

Are you planning on persisting with the low level digs Dexy
Is it Easier to have a go about gruel?my presumed joyless wedding?

I don't know babe. Are you?

Of course people can spend whatever they like on a wedding, but i disagree it’s jealousy. Unless you are incredibly well off, to the point that £50k is a drop in the ocean, many people including myself think it’s utter lunacy to spend that much on ONE DAY. If you’re having to borrow money, get into debt, open credit cards etc to pay for a 5-figure wedding, I find it mind boggling. Why would you compromise your finances like that at the expense of saving/paying for other things that will actually benefit you for your entire life like a pension, savings or a house? Obviously that doesn’t apply if you’re a rich, capitalism-loving, BTL-owning wealth flaunter. I just think it’s absolute lunacy to spend that much on one day that really the guests will probably forget very quickly, and I dislike the way the wedding industry has become such a materialist, commercialised money vacuum. I find overt displays of wealth distasteful in any situation tbh, whether that’s a wedding or not. (And yet again Lipstick I agree with everything you say!)

"it’s utter lunacy to spend that much on ONE DAY. If you’re having to borrow money, get into debt, open credit cards etc to pay for a 5-figure wedding" - I'd tend to agree and i wouldn't do it personally but at the end of the day it's none of my business.

I have attended a number of weddings,modest and conspicuously overdone
I find ostentatious displays of spending distasteful,whether or not it can be afforded
The ability to comfortably pay high costs doesnt In Itself mean people should
Because someone can afford 2,3,cars doesn’t mean they should do so
It is a v fortunate state to be affluent without financial worries,but it doesn’t justify profligate spending

"it is a v fortunate state to be affluent without financial worries,but it doesn’t justify profligate spending" so what would you rather my parents (and we) had done with our spare cash? Genuine question.

Separately not sure anyone would have regarded our wedding as an example of profligate expenditure. Hopefully they thought the church service was personal, the food was plentiful and delicious and the drinks were flowing. There were no tiaras horses or top hats.

You’ve extensively described the scale,cost and detail of your wedding dexy
You simply don’t need me to comment on it’s merits or make suggestion
Unlikely you’ll ever know what guests actually thought of the wedding,unlikely they’ll be that candid with opinion

Well that turned into a nice old bun fight!

I've not really been to any huge expensive weddings I don't think ( what is huge by the way? Like 200 guests?) and I'm not that keen on the over hype and expense.

But on the other hand, my cousins wedding was really miserable. Only sherry on arrival, only one glass of warm prosecco for the toasts and only about 18 guests in total (our family accounted for over half of those). The main reasons are that she is renowned for being very tight fisted and they don't actually have any friends. It was a bit shit - but hey we were home by 6.

@lipstick i find it so sad that if someone invited you to a big meal, drinks and dancing you'd find the invite vulgar. You must have a miserable existence, but i guess you find your pleasures elsewhere. Enjoy your hair shirt x

Do refrain from inane digs,really it portrays you in a bad light
By all means dispute what I’m saying,but do it without being crass