Oh god, my husband is doing 'the voice' and 'the shuffle'

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He told me his teeth were 'chattering' when he got changed for bed 😂

Oh I shouldn't laugh! Also hope he's not as bad as he says because I don't want it want the baby to get it

Mine has the Fleecy Blanket and the Pained Expression in addition to The Shuffle. Only deployed when he knows I haven't had a difficult day at work, to be fair, although he sometimes tries it with DS (who is his full time carer). The illness he is conveying through the symbolic blanket is always a cold, oddly enough he doesn't use them for anything relating to his actual terminal illness. When he's having a bad day with his cancer, he has even been known to don my dressing gown when the paramedics come, never The Fleecy Blanket.

I’m loving the dressing gown of doom

I'm single but my Dad drives my Mum insane.

He has the special extra fluffy bed socks and the toilet roll on the arm of the chair when he has a cold.

Cue intense sniffing, extremely loud nose blowing every five minutes and the forced coughs as soon as he gets in bed

Oh I forgot the chest clutching after every cough as though he has dislodged a lung!

Oh yes, the toilet roll. Mine shuffles around clutching his. No wonder there are so many divorces around this time of the year

his ‘’ill walk’’ where he squares his shoulders and sort of hangs his arms behind him and waddles about like a new born penguin with Rickets.

🐧

I actually LOL'd at this.... brilliant description of Sick Man :D

We have the Chenille Jumper of Doom here. It's been in service since 1987 when his mother gave it him for Xmas.
I can verify as I was there and asked him why his mother had bought her 19 yr old son an 'old git' jumper.

I wish MN had been around to tell me 'when a man shows you who he really is...'

djnoun I'm not unsympathetic. I am the most devoted nurse there is when DH is genuinely ill. I've been at his side through thick and thin, all through his pneumonectomy, chemotherapy, multiple bouts of pneumonia, and sepsis. On each occasion, I've known he was unwell by the lack of shuffling, pained expression and little groans. Those only come on when he's got a sniffle. Because of my DH's illness, I'm actually very vigilant and at the first sign of a cough or cold, I check his temperature because he is susceptible to pneumonia and pleurisy. I know when it's just exaggeration.

It is possible to take the mickey in a light hearted way without being a total bitch!

You guys sound like real unsympathetic bitches

And you sound...lovely.

Go onto the Dettol baths thread. He's not ill if he's not gargling TCP and bathing in Savlon!

God, my ex was horrific for this.
The doomed, oversized hoodie came out. He pulled the hood up and tightened the strings so he resembled ET.
Then there would be the feeble cough and sneezes at a volume to rival a jumbo jet taking off.
He'd carry toilet paper with him and keep asking me when he could next take more painkillers because 'they're not working, I still feel soooo ill'
He'd honk up olbas inhalers, lather himself in Vic, put Vic in his baths, cover the pillows and bed sheets in olbas oil.
Even walking round wearing the cooling gel patches that I get in for if DD has a temperature on his forehead.

By the end, it wasn't the best idea to be asking me when he should be taking more paracetamol. I just looked forward to the Night Nurse dose - at least it knocked him out.
The pillock actually once asked if he could take some of my prescribed morphine (chronic pain sufferer) because - and I quote - 'My hair and skin hurt, don't be selfish. You of all people should understand suffering with pain!'
Yes dear, because your cold is exactly the same as my bones/discs literally grinding and crumbling away each and every time I move.

Prick.

(That was cathartic!)

Omg this thread is brilliant!

I'm so showing this to DH next time he has a cold (and it is just a cold).

He doesn't belive in 'man flu'!

I'll happily take care of my dc when they don't feel well. My dd actually has the cold that my ex has. Yes she felt awful so she took paracetamol and I put her to bed. She enjoyed snuggling on the couch with a blanket and her fav tv show but what she didn't do was the hunched shoulders, weak voice, I'm going to die from a cold show. Not buying into an adults pity party doesn't make me a bitch

Ladies, I bring you news of a cure. No matter how ill my Dh is, at the thought of a game of golf on Saturday morning he rises from his sick bed like Lazarus. Every. Sodding. Time.

I'm really not unsympathetic by the way.. it's just funny the way he goes about it! He's normally a Strong, Capable Man until he gets a little sniffle.

I've got the baby up and done and taken some day nurse into the patient. I'll leave him there as long as possible.

Have a good day all ye sniffle nurses

if it is just a cold then this is funny however if he has the lurgy I have... well it's truly awful and crossing my fingers you and baby stay free of it

Has he coughed yet with his tongue poking out?

Mine has had the dreaded cold of death for 2 weeks now. Everytime he coughs or blows his nose he mutters "OMG. Fuckinghell. OMG" allegedly under his breath but loud enough for me to hear in another room.
I hope yours doesn't keep giving you detailed descriptions of snot/ phlegm just as you are about to eat.
I have a cold as well. Took him 2 days to notice.

My DH does this thing where he says hopefully "I feel really cold/hot, is it just me?" - clearly in the hope that I will say that it is "just him" because that will mean he's ill and can move to stage 2. I always say bracingly "That's because it is cold/hot" even if it isn't, just so as to stave off the voice and the shuffle as long as possible.

I've been having the shuffling for the last two hours.
Mention of feeling cold then hot then cold has been every twenty mins or so.
Not only do we have the dressing gown of doom we also have the hoody to go with

It's going to be a long night me thinks
Before anyone accuses me of being awful I had it for two week over Xmas and new year. Felt like absolute hell however I was dragged to a diy store more than twice as dh decided to decorate a room whilst off work. 🙄
I worked a few busy days still managed to put washing on and iron and cook and prep food.
Oh and do a food shop with everyone In tow so sympathy is short lived with me

My son, 23 does all this. Drives me up the wall! He also says 'Will you make me some special soup'. This annoys me like nothing else, it's just the same basic soup we always have but he thinks a cutesy name will make me happy to do it! sometimes I think about gobbing in it just to give him my antibodies like when I breast fed

It must be a dominant gene in them, because his gonk of a father left when he was three and I've had no partner since so it's not environmental! God help the woman who ends up with him, she will have my every sympathy when he's ill!

The younger son is much hardier, he must have my reccessive genes, we both have blue eyes too. Eldest and the Gonk's are brown!

I get the 'feel my forehead, I think it's burning up' when it feels perfectly fine, and the two arms shooting straight out in the air whenever he sneezes. God knows what that's supposed to be about.

My EXP always has the WORST cold/flu, but when I'd ask him if he'd taken anything he'd say he was ok, he'd just get through it 😡 My sympathy offerings have got less and less as I've got older. I follow my Nans motto... " If you're looking for sympathy, it's between shit and syphilis in the dictionary " 😳

Well mines just had a strop because he wants to go to bed for a lie down as he's feeling unwell but wanted me to go with him
I made it clear earlier I would be binge watching on of my fave shows I haven't watched for quite some time tonight.
We both like it however he doesn't want to miss it either
Reminded him it's on catch up box sets so he can watch whenever he wants but I'm not going to bed yet.

Bloody ill men