Newly vegan and fed up of ridicule from others

[townandcountrygirl]

I have been vegan for 7 months now and have really grown tired of OH's family / friends making irritating / derogatory comments about veganism and my healthy lifestyle. I have seen only positive changes since going vegan - I am in good shape, I am waking up earlier, my eye sight has improved and my energy levels have shot up considerably. I had been vegetarian for 12+ years and this is something I have always wanted to do.

My own friends and family are supportive. I have grown up in a household where I was encouraged to make my own decisions and stand up for what I believe in. My mother is a gluten-free nutritionist who grows her own veg and is very active / health conscious. My sister is also a vegetarian. I have meat-eating family members, but they treat my decisions with love and respect, even if they think I am a little 'different' because of it.

OH and I have been together for 6 years and have been friends for over 10 years (we grew up around the same home town). We are living together and have been spending a fair amount of time with his friends and family. I have received many negative comments about my diet, which I am not banging on about every 2 mins, I am merely ordering vegan options from restaurant menus or have been caught in the act juicing veggies.

OH's family are generally unhealthy, choosing convenient foods, alcohol, sugary treats and high-fat meals over anything remotely healthy. I often feel like the 'weird' one for having vegetables on my plate at all. My thought is that they are irritated by my healthy lifestyle because they are unable to stop their own poor lifestyle choices.

Has anyone else come up against criticism from people in this way? I bite my tongue and smile, knowing my diet does not affect them at all, but I am tired and disheartened by their constant snipes. I am a nice, loving person so keep telling myself that we are all entitled to our own decisions. It is just sad, because i'd never put another person down for their food choices, even if I didn't personally agree with it.

[edited by MNHQ at OP's request]

My favorite quote is “I don’t eat meat because I love animals” well if you drive a car, ride a bike wash your clothes using softener, use toothpaste, shampoo and conditioner, sit on a couch, watch/use fireworks, have wooden furniture or play a musical instrument then i am afraid to tell you that you are in fact using animal products

Vegans have already thought of these things.
You know it's not just about the food, right?
Oh, no, course you don't or you wouldn't have posted that.

Oh actually that's another thing, I needed to give a vegan friend of a friend a lift and borrowed DH's car as it has fabric seats instead of the leather ones in mine 😂 (laughing at me not vegans)

Someone upthread mentioned twice about suet in mince pies.
Not true in all cases. The regular, every day, not-at-all special ASDA mince pies have been vegan for the last 2 years at least.

BishopBrennansArse

100% this - people share what they care about but no need to go around being confrontational on others' posts, you've hit the nail on the head exactly. Whatever your cause is, you catch more flies with honey or whatever the vegan alternative is... you feed more flies with a plant based alternative?

Look at this thread being all reasonable and that! Hope it's bringing you some reassurance OP that there are tolerant people on both sides of the vegan 'debate'.

Oh, just tell them they are boring and to shut the fuck up.

And for PP saying people hate vegans as they bore on about their diets all the time. I have known loads of vegans and only one did this. A new convert who was surprised when her friends were pissed at her for constantly trying to convert them. None of her other vegan friends were surprised, they had all been eye rolling at her coercive attempts at conversions.

Well I've been vegan for a few years ,and I really haven't had this problem...but most people don't know I'm vegan...I've absolutely no interest in what anyone else eats,and I doubt anyone is particularly interested in what I eat..I quietly went vegan 3 years ago ,and just got on with it .bizarre op that you seem to have so many people fascinated about what you eat.

The OP is the least smug post from a vegan I've ever read.

I was vegan. I lived miles and miles from anywhere I could get decent vegan ingredients, but I managed with what I had. It was hard, I'm lactose intolerant anyway but my lactofree milk is my only real vice and I cannot and will not drink alternatives.

I was let down by constant peer pressure. Non vegan friends and associates were so rude about it. The vegans on the forums I joined were so rude, entitled and slating each other for not being vegan enough. I don't believe in banging on about why I prefer a vegan diet. So why I was picked on, I've no idea. But I did have at least one friend constantly tell me my choices were bad for me. Seriously? As a vegetarian I downed my veggies. Currently I'm omni and I'm all about the veggies. People can mean well but FFS stfu.

It was embarrassing asking for vegan options etc because I didn't want "that conversation" with people. It's tiring.

Just keep on doing what you want - it's still relatively early days so I'm sure it'll settle down.

I do have one plea though - I have a relative who posts endless photos/descriptions of their meals. Vegan nut roast and vegan gravy, or just went out for dinner - all vegan of course. It drives me up the wall I was tempted to post about my (veggie) diet but decided not to

I've also been a vegan for 7 months. I was a vegetarian most of my life before that. Nobody has said anything negative to me in real life. I only hear negative stuff about vegans in the media and online. I really don't give a stuff what other people think anyway. I really enjoy being a vegan and I'm not going to change it now. I enjoy eating healthy delicious food and not feeling bad about what I'm eating. If other people want to feel jealous, guilty etc about that, it won't stop me eating how I want to eat.

@Jezzifishe why does it annoy you though?
My facebook is full of pics of people's sunday roasts, turkeys, bacon sandwiches, burgers, etc. All meat, but it's normal so everybody accepts it.
As soon as someone posts a vegan meal, everyone loses their minds.

Jezzifishie

Unfollow? Delete? Block?

I unfollow friends who post pictures of their kids all the time, not interested, and I deleted on girl who kept banging on about her MLM business. That's the great thing about social media settings, you can make it work for you.

deydododatdodontdeydo It's the unnecessary vegan tag. I know she's vegan! If she was just posting a yummy dinner, then it's all good. I don't eat meat, but I don't feel the need to tag everything #veggie. Just feels a bit attention seeking.

I guess the point about catering vegan being difficult is how much thought you have to put into it, if you aren't vegan.

If I have an omnivorous friend over for dinner, who doesn't have allergies, I don't have to think about what to cook: I can just make something up, or pick a normal recipe from one of my books without considering the ingredients.

If someone is vegan, I have to assess whether my red wine vinegar is made from vegan wine, or what about the balsamic? Lots of wines arent vegan: I'm sure I can buy vegan wine, but I can't just get a bottle out the cupboard and shove a glassful into the risotto. I have to check my stock cubes and then go and seek out an entirely different brand, and stand there reading the back and googling additives to see if they are animal based. I have a problematic intolerance to chilli and to legumes - trying to cook vegan without shifting to vegetable curry or something with pulses in is pretty hard for me, as I rely a lot on meat and dairy as protein sources (because I'm not vegan).

If I want to do a pudding I have to come up with something egg free (as aquafava is chickpea based), which also doesn't contain butter or chocolate (or vanilla extract who h has alcohol in, which I don't know the source of and my or may not be vanilla). If I want to use a butter substitute, I have to go and buy it specifically, rather than using what's in the fridge. I then have to use up a substitute I like less than butter or give it away.

All of the above means it takes a lot of thought and effort and cost for me to cater vegan. I'll do it, but it's a faff.

I have a particular lack of patience for one friend who I have catered vegan for, and who complains that others don't get it and aren't seeing how simple it is when they haven't, but who has eaten cheese when it was there as a topping.

Jezzifishie

But people like me, sad pants that I am, will search and follow that # to look for meal ideas. I used to hate hashtags because I didn't get the point, now I use them looooads to search for stuff and group things. Not just vegan stuff, for all manner of topics. It's handy.

If it feels attention seeking and you give it your attention and allow it to bother you, thats on you isn't it? Its not on her. So change your settings and then its win win! Everyone is happy.

May or may not be vegan*

kimikoglenn As tempting as it is to leave the family WhatsApp group, I think it would just cause WW3

Nacreous

Do your vegan friends not offer to bring a dish? That's pretty poor form for them. Especially not even offering to bring dessert or suitable alcohol!

It is tricky to skim packets at first but basic rule is if it says suitable for vegetarians and doesnt have egg/milk in bold as allergens or contain honey, its usually vegan. Also get your vegan friends to do some work if you're catering for them the lazy herbivores! Message them and ask what alternatives/options there are and then they might get the hint to do some of the cooking too.

Must admit when I cater for vegan friends it's bbqs then I make kebabs from tofu and loads of veg with salads. My birthday bbq I also made a cake so the vegans could have cake when everyone else did, but I quite enjoy the challenge of trying something different.

Jezzifishie

You poor fish. You have my sympathies and I totally understand as my SIL frequently sends long videos of the baby doing nothing at all remarkable.

I have once fallen foul and got Quorn before realising it was veggie not vegan

In a nutshell. No one actually gives and actual fuck. Sorry.

BishopBrennansArse

They are sneaky with that and I've been caught out before. The vegan stuff has a green banner on now to make it more distinguishable.

When I first went vegan I bought lactose free cheese not really thinking about it and it was only after grating it all over a cottage pie that I realised lactose free didnt mean dairy. What can you do? I ate it, was annoyed with myself but chalked it up to a learning experience and moved on. I hate food waste.

@UnnecessaryFennel all of the very healthy vegans I know eat copious levels of hummus. You should give your unhealthy acquaintance a pot of sabra.

I think it’s interesting. I rarely tell people I’m vegan cus I cba with the arguments or barrage of questions from some people. I just tell them I don’t eat dairy, which oddly seems to go down better? Maybe people assume I have an allergy.
Anyway, people make comments about making me a coffee and do you want your ‘weirdo’ milk (almond). The vegan sausage roll thing made me laugh because it provoked such outrage.
I don’t tend to get offended or get into the debates tbh. My diet is generally very good- some days are pot noodle and Oreo days but I’m very healthy and haven’t had a sick day for years. The people who are most judgemental tend to be the ones who tell me it’s nit good for me while ramming bacon sarnies at every opportunity so I just smile and nod.
What I’m saying OPus it realky doesn’t have to be a big deal, don’t mske it into one

I think that it makes people feel bad because it reminds them they're killing and hurting animals but ignoring it because it tastes so good. It makes them feel like bad people.

And I'm not vegan, btw.