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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Newly vegan and fed up of ridicule from others

232 replies

townandcountrygirl · 04/01/2019 15:18

I have been vegan for 7 months now and have really grown tired of OH's family / friends making irritating / derogatory comments about veganism and my healthy lifestyle. I have seen only positive changes since going vegan - I am in good shape, I am waking up earlier, my eye sight has improved and my energy levels have shot up considerably. I had been vegetarian for 12+ years and this is something I have always wanted to do.

My own friends and family are supportive. I have grown up in a household where I was encouraged to make my own decisions and stand up for what I believe in. My mother is a gluten-free nutritionist who grows her own veg and is very active / health conscious. My sister is also a vegetarian. I have meat-eating family members, but they treat my decisions with love and respect, even if they think I am a little 'different' because of it.

OH and I have been together for 6 years and have been friends for over 10 years (we grew up around the same home town). We are living together and have been spending a fair amount of time with his friends and family. I have received many negative comments about my diet, which I am not banging on about every 2 mins, I am merely ordering vegan options from restaurant menus or have been caught in the act juicing veggies.

OH's family are generally unhealthy, choosing convenient foods, alcohol, sugary treats and high-fat meals over anything remotely healthy. I often feel like the 'weird' one for having vegetables on my plate at all. My thought is that they are irritated by my healthy lifestyle because they are unable to stop their own poor lifestyle choices.

Has anyone else come up against criticism from people in this way? I bite my tongue and smile, knowing my diet does not affect them at all, but I am tired and disheartened by their constant snipes. I am a nice, loving person so keep telling myself that we are all entitled to our own decisions. It is just sad, because i'd never put another person down for their food choices, even if I didn't personally agree with it.

[edited by MNHQ at OP's request]

OP posts:
RandomObject · 04/01/2019 15:34

Yeah, 'gluten free nutritionist' sounds quacky as hell.

BlancheM · 04/01/2019 15:34

I just don't tell anyone. Anyone questioning what I eat would be told to fuck off tbh. I've no interest in lecturing anyone which is where some vegans go wrong.

tryinganewname · 04/01/2019 15:35

@Playdonut are all vegetarians and vegans dead or about to die then?

Playdonut · 04/01/2019 15:35

@shaz I'm glad you are healthy. Please look into b12 and vitamin d supplements though x

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 04/01/2019 15:35

What are they saying about it? I'll be honest here and say you do seem to be a bit condescending towards them, maybe they've picked up on that?

Grace212 · 04/01/2019 15:36

didn't Romesh Ranganathan say "the abuse I get for being vegan makes me miss racism"?

I don't know why people feel the need to comment on what other people are eating.

Playdonut · 04/01/2019 15:36

@try no just the vegans, vegetarianism is compatible with life. Hth.

Home77 · 04/01/2019 15:37

People can get very defensive about their own food choices around vegans though, even when they don't say anything. I have seen this happen in a family meal, and felt quite sorry for the person involved. It's not always the person boring on.

Shazafied · 04/01/2019 15:37

Playdonut

Why would I do that ? I had blood tests during both pregnancies (not because I’m vegan, for other reasons) and everything was within normal range. What a strange suggestion.

ADastardlyThing · 04/01/2019 15:38

It's true isn't it MrsAndrew? Recent conversation with a new employee went something like this:

"Hi I'm glad you're settling in ok"
"Oh yea it's great, everyone's lovely, I'm a vegan and no one's made any negative comments in the canteen or anything, it's great, really nice culture"
"Ok see you around Confused"

BarbaraofSevillle · 04/01/2019 15:39

Not compatible with life... which is why Novak Djokovic, Scott durek, Lewis Hamilton, hector bellerin and serena Williams are all failing in their careers as elite sports people

But all those people have loads of money and probably chefs and nutritionists to ensure they eat a nutritious well balanced diet.

If the OHs family are used to an average British diet with very little that they normally eat being suitable to the OP, it is going to be a bit of a culture shock.

Plus veganism just seems a bit 'bandwagon' at the moment. I know lots of people who are currently banging on about being vegan, except that alcohol, most of which isn't vegan, doesn't really count, and it doesn't count when there is a chance to go for a big greasy buffet breakfast, and you just cynically think that a lot of people are more about the label than the ethos.

ErickBroch · 04/01/2019 15:39

I agree it's not nice and wrong, however you do really seem smug on here so wondering if you also come across high and mighty to them and that is their reaction?

I am a veggie so I am not doubting the constant comments you get, but if you are saying things to them the way you are on here I am not really surprised by their reaction.

adaline · 04/01/2019 15:39

My thought is that they are irritated by my healthy lifestyle because they are unable to stop their own poor lifestyle choices.

Hmm
Fairylea · 04/01/2019 15:41

It’s great that you’re happy being vegan. I was vegan for many years and never encountered anyone being negative towards me about it, maybe I was just lucky. But the tone of your post seems very judgey about other people’s eating choices - you may consider them unhealthy or bad but at the end of the day they are making a choice about what they eat the same way you are and you have to respect that.
Maybe they’re picking up your bad vibes towards them and are biting back?

MumMumMum1 · 04/01/2019 15:43

I hear you OP. I’m vegetarian, have been tor about 20 years & back then it was like being a vegan today. I used to get so much shit. I still don’t really understand why. I freaking love animals! I can’t eat them, that’s my reasons. But some how by saying that I thought I was better than anyone else?? Confused it’s definitely much less of a big deal now - I wish I could go vegan. Part of the reason I don’t is because of the amount of shit I imagine I’d get! Which is ridiculous really..

secondarymincepie · 04/01/2019 15:43

I'm four days in to veganuary and if I had a pound for every "but what about baaaaaaaaaaaaacon" comment I've received I'd have enough to build a fortress of tofu.

It's strange, I don't know why some people get so prickly about veganism, no one's being forced in to it and the people I've known to be most vocal about it have all been meat-eaters.

slappinthebass · 04/01/2019 15:43

For Christmas I got a vegan cookbook off my IL's and then endured them bitching about veganism the whole of Christmas dinner, and I'm not even vegan! One of the IL's is a vegetarian who doesn't like meat, and every single get together my MIL says how it's fine if you don't like meat but she can't be doing with those who claim not eating meat is more ethical. Every time I defend vegans and ethical vegetarians, so I'm treated with contempt about it. Every family meal for years. It's so boring.

Polkapjs · 04/01/2019 15:44

Easiest way to be vegan is to not Bang on about it and just get on with it making sure you don’t make implied judgement of others - said from experience of being friends with a vegan who this week posted a photo of a bacon sandwich after going on and on about it being the way forward
As a veggie going vegan you should find it easier. If you don’t go on and on about it that is!

MrsAndrewEldritch · 04/01/2019 15:44

I know lots of people who are currently banging on about being vegan, except that alcohol, most of which isn't vegan, doesn't really count, and it doesn't count when there is a chance to go for a big greasy buffet breakfast, and you just cynically think that a lot of people are more about the label than the ethos.

This ^^

Being a true strict vegan is exceptionally hard.

Me being a bit of a cunt enjoys pointing out the things they shouldn't be eating.

Mince pie? I dont think so, it has brandy and suet in.

Wine? No sorry, this one has dead stuff in it.

Cigarettes? Nope, dead things in there too.

Heres some celery Grin

dorisdog · 04/01/2019 15:45

Just ignore. I tend to just not talk about it. I've been vegetarian since I was bout six (the rest of family weren't - I had understanding parents :-) ) and vegan for a lot of the time since my teens. Less vegan these days since I have to cook for non vegans so I eat 'left overs.'

To be honest, I've never been a 'healthy' vegan - more of a boozy, chips and beans vegan, so I wonder whether the hostility towards you is about people perceiving you as being a bit 'judgy' about the nutrition of their diets. In my experience you can be unhealthy/healthy on vegan/veggie/meat diets, so it makes no difference really, in terms of health. Depends on your reason for being vegan - mine was firmly about avoiding the industrial meat/dairy industry.

Hopefully, artificial meat and dairy will be on the shelves ASAP (it's now a reality) and factory farming will be a distant memory and we can all eat big, fat burgers, ethically!

notonefunkgiven · 04/01/2019 15:45

^ what @Notacluethisxmas said

I have never come across a vegan who hasn't preached and spouted all about it when I really don't want to hear it. If I ask for information on it then I'm sure someone will be happy to oblige but as I don't and couldn't care less about veganism then please just shut up

Billben · 04/01/2019 15:45

My thought is that they are irritated by my healthy lifestyle because they are unable to stop their own poor lifestyle choices.

Holy fuck😡

They are not irritated by your lifestyle. They are irritated by YOU dumbo

UnnecessaryFennel · 04/01/2019 15:45

Absolutely genuine question - how would going vegan improve your eyesight?

I'm not saying that it can't, I just can't imagine how.

Ethel36 · 04/01/2019 15:46

I know what you mean. I failed being vegan for more than two weeks! Due to the family wanting to go back to old menus. This past year I've slowly introduced more vegetarian/vegan meals and treats to the point where we only eat meat twice a week. I'm still working on the milk! People are honestly so horrible towards vegans. It's like.."how dare they only eat fruit&veg!!" Its stupid of them to be so judgemental really. I remember when I tried it as a family, older family members would sneer and laugh at us! Horrible really. I hope I get to that place where I'm truly vegan soon.

YeOldeTrout · 04/01/2019 15:46

Opening post does sound a little smug, tbh, extolling so many benefits & praising relatives who eat special diets too. Whatevs.

Maybe your OH's family are just jerks. You can't change them, can you? Have they criticised you for other things in past or is it just your diet they like to comment on, so these types of comments are brand new? Are you sure you can't take their comments as banter & try to give back as good as you get? Make yourself seem robust & hyper confident but relaxed with good humour in response to any comments they start. No fun if they can't get a rise out of you and you put them in their place to boot.

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