School changing DD’s name!

[Expatworkingmum]

Just found out that because there’s another child with the same name in her class, DD is called by her middle name at school.

So confused by this. It’s not her name. We’d never use it as her name.

AIBU to ask them not to do this? She doesn’t seem to mind too much but I just find it bizarre.

That’s ridiculous. I’d be annoyed too! There were four Sarah’s in my class of 30 and they all seemed to cope perfectly well with the same name!

That’s weird, normally they would have e.g. Sophie K and Sophie P if there were two with the same name. I’d ask them to do that instead.

Otherwise it’s what all her friends will end up calling her which I wouldn’t like at all.

but it is her name?

YANBU that's completely unacceptable. If you wanted your child to be called by her middle name, you'd have given her it as a first name.

I wouldn’t be happy with a swap to a middle name. It seems quite an unusual approach.

Matching first name and surname too?

There were two girls in my year at school called Patricia Gilhooley. Caused no end of confusion - unusual name so it was amazing that there were two of them.

@redsummershoes

But it's not her first name, it's her second name?

Do people call you by your second name?

redsummershoes I have a middle name, but I never use it. So if it gets called out I don't respond as I don't realise it's me they're calling.

OP, in this case, does the other girl get called by her middle name? If not, who decided to use the middle name?

I would ask your daughter how it came about. Usually any change in name would be discussed with the child first and with their agreement (this is what happens in my DCs secondary school). Even in Primary kids will usually say if a teacher calls them Joseph for example, "Oh you can call me Joe"; it's not the teaching staff that decide it.

If your DD says she didn't have any input at all to this, I'd be following it up with the school.

It’s not her name though. I think it seems really odd for a 4 year old (I’m assuming she’s in reception) to go by Emily everywhere, except at school she’s Annie. That’s weird. It’s an important part of her identity and really rude to just gloss over. I’d be having a firm conversation with the teaching and office staff to make sure it gets sorted. She can easily be Emily P. or whatever.

but it is her name?

There’s always one

My DS is one of 4 in his class with the same name. There are known by Name Initial, the other has always had a diminutive used. I would not be impressed by a school arbitrarily deciding to use a middle name (that might only be there as a family name) instead of first name. Tell them to stop.

How long has this been going on for? One term? Early enough for everyone to readjust.

Unnecessary. We've three Emilys and two Lucys in my class and have always used their surname initials right through the school (multiple letters for the Lucys as their surnames start with the same letter!). And there's a million Georges and Ethans on their way up to us. We cope perfectly well.

Was your DD asked if she'd like to use her middle name? Or is it hyphenated? We have a few Daisy-othername, Lily-othername and Milly-othernames and that's when we tend to use them.

Ridiculous in my opinion. I was one of three with the same name in my class and my teachers never had an issue. As PP said, they should use the surname initial to differentiate. If they have the same surname initial, then they have to use the whole surname, ie Sophie Jones/Sophie Jackson if they both have the same surname too you're stuffed

If they can't do a Sophie P and a Sophie F for example, using last name initial I don't see why one can't be Sophie Louise using first name middle name. I wouldn't be happy for her to be called just Louise.

Bonkers. In my class of 28 at secondary school (we were a small year group in a large school) we had four Claires, three Katherines, three Matthews and two Louises. There was no confusion.

What?! That's utter madness. Speak to the head immediately and find out what's going on.

I would check who came up with the idea of using her middle name, because it doesn't sound like something a teacher would suggest tbh!

Glad it’s not just me that thinks it’s odd. She started a new school midway through the year and they already had a girl with the same first name and same last initial.

We aren’t in the UK so now I think of it, maybe that’s why they don’t think it’s strange.

I’m glad I’m not BU to ask them not to use her middle name as her first name though!

I would check who came up with the idea of using her middle name, because it doesn't sound like something a teacher would suggest tbh!

I agree. No way would a teacher suggest it. At most they would say they would use the middle initial as an identifier. We have a Jack A, Jack L and Jack C in the class.

How old is your DD? Is there a chance that she could have suggested it herself?

I hated my (popular) name at school and told the teachers I only wanted to be called by my middle name.. I was a teenager by this point though.

If school has implemented it, then its a bit bizarre and YANBU for bringing it up with them.

YANBU.

DS1 and DS2 have both been in the position of being in a group with other children with the same name before.

All the children with duplicate names went by when the other were around.

I’d have been well hacked off if there’d been some decision made to refer to them by their middle names without my agreement.

There were four Geraldines in my class. They were called Geraldine Surname if they were being singled out for something (reading, cleaning the board).
I think it's highly presumptuous of the school to arbitrarily start using your child's middle name.

How strange for a school to do that without discussing with you first.
In my son's school there are 2 Aidens and 2 Sophies they just use the surname initials. I know in my year at school teachers couldn't be bothered using double barreled names so for me and a couple of others we had to only go by first part of name.

That’s really strange. There has always been loads of duplicate names in my daughter’s class (loads of Georges, Ethans, Williams, Sophies, Emilys and Isabellas in my town ) and they use surname initials. Schools have been doing this for aeons.

She doesn’t seem to mind too much but I just find it bizarre.

So your daughter isn't bothered but you are. Keep out of it. Your daughter isn't bothered, so it's a non issue.