School changing DD’s name!

[Expatworkingmum]

Just found out that because there’s another child with the same name in her class, DD is called by her middle name at school.

So confused by this. It’s not her name. We’d never use it as her name.

AIBU to ask them not to do this? She doesn’t seem to mind too much but I just find it bizarre.

My DM was the later arrival to reception with the same name as another pupil, and was just designated by her middle name from then on. She always says she hated school and I think she found it pretty traumatic. Idk whether the two were in any way connected, but I wonder whether a school that does that could be experienced as anything but indifferent to the kid it's happening to. Nothing says "I don't gaf who you are" as clearly as refusing to learn (or in this case, use) somebody's name.

@SoupDragon but in loads of countries it’s perfectly normal, so being very polite and apologetic when requesting any change is a good idea.

My friends daughter has same first and second name as a child in her class, say Jane Smith.

School discussed with parents who agreed they should be Jane Middlename, rather than inital or Jane A & B.

Discuss with school what your and DDs preference is.

Has Dd agreed to it and that's why they're doing it?

Can't think of any other reason.

We often have a couple of children with the same name. Sometimes one already has a shortened or per form we use, other times we just use their last initial to differentiate. We don't just use a different name, even their middle name, without them suggesting it!

Not on and, if Dd isn't the one suggesting it, I'd speak to them and say no.

We had a Kelly and Kerry and our art teacher couldn’t stop mixing them up...she nicknamed them 1&2 justbin her classes abut of fun. She should be called her full proper name.

I had two people with the exact same name in my class at one point, we just referred to them as (for instance) Mark A Smith and Mark F Smith.

Would you be happy for her to be known as, Sarah Jane or whatever in class, as a compromise? Certainly better than just Jane?

I once taught a class where there were two Crystals, they were both happy to e know as 'Black Crystal' and 'White Crystal', I suppose it makes a change from using an initial.

Haven RTFT but I would find out the the teacher’s middle name and start using that. Hello Miss Sarah Smith instead of Miss Rachel Smith.

It's hardly a drip feed is it? The name Expatworkingmum makes it pretty obvious...

We had no end of gemmas and Chloes they were always referred to as gemma x or y

Maybe the teacher asked her and she didn't mind. Just ask them not to do it.

I can't think of any culture that would do this without asking first. It does not seem right.

If you’re in East Asia, it’s possible for half the class (both male and female) to have the same name. So middle names and English names are often used to differentiate pupils. If your dd is new and there is a girl with the same name as her already (even if it’s an English name) she would have her name changed. This is decidedly not the case in South and SE Asia (including India) where middle names are virtually never used (it’s usually surnames and / or first names).

So if you’re in china or south korea suck it up. If you’re in India or Thailand or Singapore file a complaint.

I have this image of Craft1905 as Lady Marjorie saying "We'll call you Sarah. Clemence isn't a suitable name for a housemaid"

@Yura "but the op isn’t in the U.K.!"

Yes, I know amigo! My point was - and I could be wrong here - that many of the MN commentators are UK based so that's their perspective and experience. Is the OP a British expat? She's obviously taken aback by this name choice by the school. Is it not normal to consult the parents if in doubt?

Are we saying 'when in Rome do as the Romans do' ?

@hellojason the school might have just done what they consider to be normal - if one name is already taken, pick another. the uk and us concept of a not used middle name is very unusual for many countries. Child has a name, so it gets use. asking the parents if i could use any if a child’s names is not something i would have ever considered

Yura

Ah, the complexities of culture! Yes, I expect the school has just done what's normal for them and the OP has learnt something about how things work there. Maybe an 'International School' would be more aware of the global variations but it's now just up to the OP to have a word (polite of course!) with the local school if she objects. If not let it go, let it go.....

I shared a first name and last initial with another girl in my school (not even aane year), we kept getting each others' letters, dinner money bills etc. In the end they switched to a policy of using the child's full first and last names, which stopped the issue. As soon as i could, i switched to a nickname and often don't even answer if someone calls out my full name now as i don't recognise it as mine.

But then when my younger sister joined the school there were two Helens - lets say Smith and Brown. All the children constantly said their full name like it was one word - Helensmith and Helenbrown. It was hilarious when one or the other cane for tea and my DSis could be heard saying, "What shall we play now, Helenbrown?" and "Would you like fish fingers for tea Helensmith?" I think for a few years even the Helens thought those were their actual names!

When DS went to school, he was one of 4 Jacksons (not his real name), and for some unknown reason, out of a year group of 90, all 4 were in the same class - Jackson X, Jackson Y, Jackson Z and Jack. DS was Jack, because he'd always been known as that. It worked well, until he decided he wanted to be like the other Jacksons and became Jackson A one year! The funny thing is that now he's at secondary, he thinks his slightly old fashioned middle name would be cool to go by, as he'd be the only one (there were loads when I was at school). If he did change to that he'd end up with a completely different name to his birth name, as he's already taken my surname by choice.

Surely they just add the middle initial or use the full surname.

Two boys calls Sam Sxxx
Sam Smith and Sam Self
Sam Adam Smith would Sam AS
Sam Robert Self would be Sam RS

Or just say the full surname.

My DS is one of 3 in with the same name. We have a double barrel surname. Sometime he is referred to as Bob AB and other times by Bob Arthur... using just the first part of his surname. Obviously he's not really called Bob!