School changing DD’s name!

[Expatworkingmum]

Just found out that because there’s another child with the same name in her class, DD is called by her middle name at school.

So confused by this. It’s not her name. We’d never use it as her name.

AIBU to ask them not to do this? She doesn’t seem to mind too much but I just find it bizarre.

I can't imagine the teacher suggesting the use of the middle name either. DS went to school with two boys called George who had the same initial surname so it was Old George and Young George as one had a September birthday and the other was August.

There were 2 Emma S’ in my primary school class (small class). One had no middle name but the one who did was known as Emma Louise.

I hated it 🙄.

Just use the surname, and rattle the cane on the desk at the same time!

In my school there was Jenny and Stupid Jenny. I’m not even joking - I think it did actually start to with the kids saying it but by sixth form both Stupid Jenny herself and the teachers used the name. I’m horrified by it now in hindsight!

@Craft1905

That's why children have parents, you know, to look after their interests?

If your child wasn't bothered by jumping in the river, would you let her?

Ask your dd who started calling her by her middle name and if she had suggested it. In Ds class there are 3 a's, 3 b's, 2 c's and 2 d's and all are called by their first name and then surname to differentiate. It's not rocket science. I'd tell the teacher to use your dds first name from now on. If they cannot cope with that they shouldn't be a teacher.

I teach two girls called Kate, who are also best friends - they are known as Kate X and Kate Y if I am asking them direct questions, collectively as The Kates.

Yeah that's weird.

I have lots of duplicate names in my class, some are known by nicknames, having checked with child and parents, but most we just add an initial.

Most schools tend to use the initial if there is more than one.

If they did first and middle that would be one thing, but not just middle. I know on The Apprentice this year they had Sarah and Sarah Ann. Apparently Sarah Ann is just Sarah, but they used her middle name too to distinguish them.

Just a middle name is odd unless she decided she wanted to change her name.

That's why children have parents, you know, to look after their interests? If your child wasn't bothered by jumping in the river, would you let her?

That's why I despair at the internet, because people make brain dead comparisons. You can die jumping in a river. You cannot die being called by your middle name. Just thought I'd point that out, in case you haven't grasped it.

This really depends on how old your DD is. If she is in KS1/2 I would say it's pretty unreasonable, but past this i don't see the problem if she has chosen this name for herself.

DS was in the same class all through nursery, primary and secondary with his best friend, whose name is so similar to his. They were known as (for example) Jack H and Jack Hs (their surnames were one syllable different). It never caused any confusion because when they started secondary, they told the teachers that they had always been known as that at primary, and so it continued. Strange to use a middle name when there is bound to be more than one child with any particular name if it's top ten.

I went to school with to girls with the exact same name think Deirdre Louise Jones and everyone managed perfectly fine. One got little Deirdre as she was considerably shorter but not all the time just like "stand up Deirdre, no little dierdre" I would ask them not to if you don't like it seems confusing.

My daughters year has numerous Freya’s. All known as Freya initial. DDs bf is Freya T although a fair number of people have started calling her just surname as it’s quite a cool one.

when I was at school teachers decided it was easier to call me by a shortened version of my name, to this day I have friends who only call me this though I haven't used it myself for over 25 years, friends of these friends will also know me also only by that name, I don't mind, helps me know how I know some people! but I do think it could go on for years so I'd ask them not to do it at school. I don't see what their problem is from a practical standpoint , my daughter had a girl in her class with same first name and same surname initial so teachers then just used the first two surname initials instead, over time the other girl preferred a shortened version of her name so that they used instead , but it was initiated by the other girl and used at home, my sons class has 4 jacks and 4 marks/marc, 2 jacks have same first initial so one is Jack L, the other Jack L-L ( he's a double barrel surname)

We had Little James and Big James in our class lol

The school haven't changed her name though she must have volunteered this name. I am in the UK but pretty sure my DS middle name would not be on anything?
But yes as others said surely Child name and first letter of surname would be best.

The school (wonder where abroad it is?) should use the child's given first name and if there was an issue should have consulted you. It's not good enough to say "she doesn't seem to mind too much" as a lot of children just can't be assertive enough at a young age to stand up to authority and don't want to rock the boat.

There's ways of getting round this even if two children have the same first names and surname initials - do they have the same middle names too? Can she select a nickname to go with her first name? Your name is a key part of your identity!

When I was a prefect I had to take the register for an Upper 3rd that had 9 Katherines in it - the form teacher said she sometimes felt like calling them the Katherines and the rest. We managed with Katherine Surname.

There were four Geraldines in my class.

This is more odd to me than the problem in the OP

Definitely speak with the school my dd was one of 3 with the same first name they were know as first name plus surname my dds just because her surname initial so Jane M.

We have Big Tom, Middle Tom and Little Tom ( all Tom S!)

Is it a cultural thing where you are? I'm also not in the UK and here second names are frequently used instead of first names. What you describe would be completely normal.

Since she has the same last initial as the other girl, perhaps she could be known as her first name + the initial letter of her middle name.

Eg. - the other girl is Sophie Brown and your dd is Sophie Ann Briggs, so the other girl is Sophie, and your dd is Sophie A.

And whilst I agree that the comparison with jumping in the river is daft, I do think it is wrong to change a child's name if they are not happy about it. Names are personal and part of our identity - I don't like it when people refuse to use the shortening of my name that I have chosen - I was known by my full name all through my childhood, nurse training and up until I went to university, when I decided to change to the shortened version. So close family still know me by the full verson, and when I tested the waters by asking my sister if she could call me by the shortened version, she refused point blank - and I found that a bit upsetting - as if she was saying she knew me better than I know myself. So I can understand why the OP's dd might not be happy about this.

That's why I despair at the internet, because people make brain dead comparisons. You can die jumping in a river. You cannot die being called by your middle name. Just thought I'd point that out, in case you haven't grasped it.

Aren't you a bundle of joy 🙄

You do know that dying isn't the only bad thing that can happen right? Some parents may not want their child to lose their identity at school and realise that their child may not understand what impact it could have on them.

You would be singing a very different tune if it was your child. It's just fun for you to poke the OP in the eye.