To cancel the first date?

[onlinedating123]

I’ve been chatting to a man on OLD for over a week, we have a date arranged for this evening.

He seems like a lovely man, he has had one long standing relationship that last for 7 years. We have a lot of similar interests and outlooks on life, wanting to settle down, both enjoy the same hobbies.

He has a good career - used to be a paramedic, now works as a carpenter - but he left school at age 11. I didn’t pry and ask why. Then he told me he has no contact with his parents. Again, I didn’t pry and ask why. I suspect the two might be connected though.

AIBU to see these as red flags? Especially the leaving school at 11. We are both early 30s so not really of a generation that could/would leave education at that age. I also have 2 DC. I am not sure whether to cancel or just to ask him about it tonight and see what he says.

I'm glad you're going. Just because he left school at 11 doesn't mean he's a write off for life or unable to take qualifications later on. Go on the date, ask questions (he wasn't hiding it), see how you feel- but always trust your gut and stay safe on a date, whether you've got children or not!

Unusual to become a paramedic when leaving school at 11, ever heard of being able to go back into education and training. You sound judgemental

I think if someone left school at 11 they probably had some type of difficulties so to then make a career out of what was maybe a difficult situation then fair play to them.

Given he brought it up I'm sure he won't mind you asking

I think you just sound a bit nervous tbh OP! Dying to know the answers though hope it goes great.

I would have to go on the date just to find out his story.

Hope it goes well OP

Totally not placemarking

One of the most successful (looking from the outside, at least) marriages I know is between a carpenter and a university lecturer.

Though clearly, he must have some formal education to be a paramedic, there's no reason it wasn't an Access course at 21 and then three years of paramedic degree: he'd still have time, after that, to be in practice and then go to carpentry. And as a carpenter and not a joiner, perhaps he's self-taught? Perhaps he went into carpentry and used it to pay his way through his paramedic training.

There's been time for him to do both things before 30, even leaving school at 11.

Perhaps it's neither of these things, but it's a bit sad so many people are writing him off already.

How did it go op?!

Oh hell - only just seen this and was going to say get a surname - tell him date mate purposes and let someone know and also google!
Hope all went well

Yes Yabu. You have no idea what has happened in his life. At 11 and leaving school I would of thought he wasn't having a happy home life at all esp now being NC with parents. He's made a good life for himself so really don't see what his past has to do with this

Also both my parents left school very very early. Ones a teacher and the others a caption of cruise ships

Call handlers for the ambulance service wear paramedic uniform. So do drivers of non urgent hospital transport. Tread carefully because if he's trying to impress by pretending to be something he isn't, then what else isn't true?

How did it go? Surely it's been many decades since you could legally leave school at 11 and you need a degree to be a paramedic, and to also be excellent with woodwork to be a carpenter, normally it also requires training.

The whole thing is weird.

He could have been home schooled

Yes, but it would be normal to say he was homeschooled. Unless he was in juvenile detention.

Also why don't you know his full name op? That's very strange.

Mature students do access courses. It’s all about numbers these days even for highly rated universities, sadly.

This scenario sounds odd, I agree.

Is the OP going to come back and let us know, or is she having a great time with the man, who has turned out to be exactly what he said he was, and wonderful to boot?

Bluntness - I've never known anyone's full name before meeting them who I've connected with via OLD. And I've never shared my surname - isn't that more precautionary when you're dealing with a complete stranger?

I left school at 13. I was seriously bullied and refused to go and was home schooled. If this guy has managed to get to be a paramedic after leaving at 11 then bloody hell is he tough! Leaving early sets you back in ways you don't even consider and it is my only regret. Good on him.

@onlinedating123

How did it go OP?

Back for the update.

If some of this sounds judgemental then so be it, online dating is all about making judgements on people you have just met...

With regards to his family - he told me that his mum is an alcoholic who was in care, then had her first child taken away from her and placed into care. She managed to keep him and his siblings, but was an awful abusive mother so he is now NC.

With regards to schooling - apparently he didn’t ‘leave’ school at 11, but he barely went, and left school with no qualifications. It turns out he wasn’t a paramedic but a volunteer, then went into carpentry.

Conversation flowed (I am not one to be awkward, I will chat about anything!) but along with the above a few things stuck out to me which is why I’m giving a second date a miss.

Yeah, I wouldn't go on a second date either. Apart from everything else, he lied about his career, so makes you wonder what else he lies about. Onwards OP, onwards

As Judge Judy always says...if something doesn't make sense then it's not true. His claims didn't make sense, and now we know why. A grain of truth in every claim, but exaggerated.

Life is all about making judgements, we all do it. Judge Judy also says ‘would you really want to hook your star to that wagon?’ And the answer is no haha

I knew he was lying about his career when I read your op. It just didn't sit right with me.

I would have gone on the date too just to find out the truth.

Onwards and upwards op!