To think that being a SAHP is a full time job.

[SpottedTiger]

DC1 is due soon. I'm the main earner and DH works PT, he has been seriously unwell over the last few years and this has been a huge achievement. Our plan is that after my Mat leave DH will become a SAHD and I will go back to work FT. We are both happy with this plan, however DHs family and friends are putting pressure on him to continue working PT around my work hours. Obviously if DH wants to for himself that's fine with me, but my thoughts are that looking after DD all day is a full time job in itself and it's unfair to expect him to then go to work after a full day with her when it's not financially necessary. DH works in an entry level, minimum wage job which he doesn't especially enjoy, so taking a career break for a few years shouldn't impact negatively on him from a career perspective and he is looking forward to the role of SAHD.

Can’t believe people are still getting hung on semantics of job vs work!! Childcare is clearly work! Sahp do more childcare , wohp do more work out of the home whilst other people do the childcare for those hours per day. We all have additional stuff to do on top like bills etc.

Both can Be hard depending on your circumstances . Both are valid. Some people get to choose some don’t.

And yes we know that wohp are parents 24/7 but this is not the same as doing childcare 24/7.

It's not a job, but if he's happy to do it and it works for you, what's the problem?

Before I had my kids I would have agreed with you but now , I really don't think being a SAHP is a full time job.

I had two separate lots of ML and god i was bored! Once you've got ready, bathed the baby, cleaned up a bit, put a load of washing on-whats left?

I found myself reading endlessly during feeding and taking two hour walks to fill the day.

disclaimer my babies slept lot.

I imagine with a few older kids or toddlers then your day is more full but I don't think that looking after kids and a home is the same as a FT job! I look after the kids and keep on top of the house and laundry etc AND I do 35 hours a week.

Something doesn't need to be a job to be worthwhile or hard work. The 'job' version of the same work isn't automatically going to be harder either. Some people ( such as myself) look after family members in situations and have to accept things that a paid carer would not be expected to. If my role was a job I would have more support. Saying something isn't a job has nothing to do with the difficulty of it.

What a load of nonsense this thread is!

“My life’s so much harder than yours...”

“Nooo, I do all that and more...”

Why would anyone presume, for one second, that they can compare their experience with an unknown on the internet.

What randomness shall we deconstruct next -

“Is being a pig farmer harder than being a lawyer?”

“Is acting a “real” job compared to medicine?”

“Advertising or retail - which job is more “real?”

How can you even begin to quantify these things? Total nonsense.

Since starting my parenting journey 23, years ago, I have
Stayed at home full time
Worked full time 2 dds in nursery
Worked full time and studied 2 dds at school.
Worked part time 2 dds in secondary school, 1 new baby
Retrained to be a college lecturer, part time
Gone back to full time 52 week job (oldest dd went to uni, youngest started school, needed the money)
Taken a year off to move and spend more time with dd3
Gone back to new job full time.
All of this was my choice . Dh earns more than me and we could live on his salary. So do what is right for your family now. I must admit a year at home with a 3 year old and a 1 year old sent me back to work. But being at home with 1 child is lovely. And frankly going out the door the minute you arrive home for minimum wage is hard if you have to do it; if you don't then just don't.

Actually you do have go get up and get dressed if you have older ones to take to nursery or school.

Its always illuminating on these threads to read how some WOHP view childcare. Guess it explains why so many nursery workers are on minimum wage - it’s ‘only playing’ after all.

disclaimer my babies slept lot.

That makes all the difference in the world afraid.

I look after the kids and keep on top of the house and laundry etc AND I do 35 hours a week.

Sigh.

You don’t look after multiple young kids and work simultaneously do you?

I find threads like this really shocking - the idea that some women spent their maternity leave relaxed and bored is such an alien concept to me. I guess maybe it’s different with one baby (if they sleep and can be put down). When my twins were in the maternity leave stage, I never stopped: feed one baby and change them, feed the other baby and change them, pump, make up formula, sterilise, wash up and repeat. If they ever slept at the same time (rare), that was my chance to clean and do laundry. Once they started weaning it was even worse. The thought of having time to go out for coffee or read a book is just bizarre.

Of course, I thought it was hard then, but it got so much harder after they were 1 and were properly mobile. Would probably have been sensible to go back to work then and let someone else deal with that all day every day!

They’re starting nursery soon for a couple of mornings a week for their benefit rather than mine - I never thought I’d do that, but I’ve seen how much my friends kids have come on after starting nursery part time and I’m hoping it will help them. When you’re sleep deprived and exhausted, it’s hard to be “on” all the time.

I find threads like this really shocking - the idea that some women spent their maternity leave relaxed and bored is such an alien concept to me.

Me too sinkgirl . I barely had time to change my pants , certainly never had time to read !!! I guess if you only have one easy, sleeping baby, or maybe have two but the first is older when you have the second (eg at school)... then you probably do think mat leave is quite relaxing ! But it’s not a common experience in my own world.

I think if you DH has been unwell and can only cope eith part time work now, then working PT on top of being primary carer for the 40 hours you are out the house and working will be too much for his health

Well firstly I'd love to see someone tell a nanny they didn't work full time!

I am a part time SAHM mum and work the equivalent of a 4 day week. I work one weekend day, 1 long day and 1 short (kids in nursery for those 2 weekdays). I also work at home in the evenings.

It's exhausting. I work outside the house for my own sanity but it doesn't pay well, I work at home for the pay our family needs.

It's hard, really hard. I don't think anyone who hasnt been in the position of working like me can really comment to be fair. A full time job is (normally) set hours, say 5 days a week 9-5. I look after my children all day on my own then I work in the evenings, my down time is hardly ever. A 30 min lunch break. I am doing something house child or work work related at all other times- my brain is always engaged.

If he doesn't have to work then he shouldn't. If he needs to for his metal heath a job that just covers childcare in the day would be my suggestion 1 or 2 days a week.

Was a SAHP with two under 2 years for 3 years. Now work FT. YABU. Being a SAHP is a breeze compared to being a full time worker and parent and all of the juggling that entails. If you can afford it and your DH doesn’t mind/get bored/miss his working life then go for it!

Ps it's Saturday so morning coffee mumsnet 5 minutes peace - i'm now off to do some of my evening work i didn't get done last night because DD still doesn't sleep through and i was knackered!

Not one person on this thread has said nannying/childminding/any sort of job where you look after other people’s children isn’t a job. It becomes a job when the childcare provided is to children that aren’t your own

Look up gender equality theory, it's an interesting argument for birth rates having dropped because women are now being expected to both work and take the bulk of responsibility for household and childcare duties compared to men (NOT COMPARED TO OTHER WOMEN), a largely unsustainable expectation if we still want to have anything more than two children.

The problem for women will also come at the other end of the age spectrum when we are all having to work longer and provide care to elderly parents then spouses as well as grandchildren, first because people are living longer and then because men have shorter life expectancy and typically marry slightly younger women.

So doesn't everyone think it would be better if women were more united in securing support that works for all of us as carers of dependents (young or old) rather than fighting amongst ourselves?

This thread really makes me realise the biggest problem women have is other women. Quite frankly it seems like everyone has a chip on their shoulder and a point to prove which means no one is very happy. If we were, we would also be happy for other people and not so derogatory and sometimes downright vile.

What kind of example is this setting kids?

Agree xsahm wholeheartedly. Quite a sad thread really women just criticising other women.

Oh course it’s a job! Why are childminders/nursery workers paid then? My DH has been a SAHD since my first DD was 7 months old, and I went to work full time.

It’s worked perfectly for us. I was always the higher earner, more career motivated and loved my job. DH worked in the construction industry, traveled all over the country for work and did long hours. But mainly he wasn’t treated well and didn’t enjoy the work.

It’s bloody hard work being a SAHP. However, like any job you can slack off and if you do it badly it’s easier (not preparing fresh meals, not taking them to groups/activities/park etc) and not keeping on top of the house stuff too.

DH has two DCs to look after full time until eldest starts school in September. He loves it but says it’s the hardest job he’s ever done.

Once DD2 starts school in 3 years he’s going to look for a job that fits in with school pick ups or volunteer if money isn’t an issue by then.

I do feel that I do more than my fair share of house stuff though, but I think that’s because I have more energy from being at work all day

Feeebeee how does it make a difference when the kids aren’t your own? That might be the traditional/technical description of a job (having an employer, a contract, certain working hours etc as well as a salary) but plenty of people ‘work’ and have a job in less traditional circumstances (self employed for example)

Even if you’re a SAHP with the easiest children in the universe it’s still work- you have to clothe/feed them at the very least and be responsible for their well being.

Like all jobs there are levels of intensity with lots of factors, and being a SAHP has lots of variables/factors that can make it harder or easier depending on the circumstances. But to dismiss it as easy or ‘not a proper job’ because of your own experience is not correct.

I suppose it depends on the household and children!
I'm currently on maternity leave & cant wait to start back to work on Monday as I'm so bored at home all day, everyday with my 4 month old! Don't get me wrong, I adore her & love spending time with her BUT once she's fed & changed, there's not a lot to do (I know this will change as she gets older but...). Once the house is cleaned in the morning, I find myself just wasting my day watching TV!

CheekyLittleNumber it isn’t a job in that it’s a lifestyle choice- you’re looking after you’re own children, it’s a general pleasure not a job. For other people, caring for your child it’s a job. Same as owning a dog- caring for said dog is a responsibility, but a being a dog sitter is a job as it’s someone else’s dog

OP if you can afford for one of you to SAHP, particularly for the fyrsr 4 or 5 years then do it. I very firmly believe that it's better for small children's emotional health and development to be with an engaged and loving parent rather than sent to a nursery from 12 months or younger.