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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not to allow dd to spend this Christmas money in this way?

107 replies

flythewindmill · 02/01/2019 13:55

I find dd (10) very difficult to buy for. She doesn't really play with toys, though often asks for shitty figures and playsets she won't ever play with and there are so many clogging up the house, soon to be in landfill.

She loves gaming, but it's a struggle to ever get her off it so I didn't want to encourage that. She loves dancing and, after gaming, her favourite pastime is to put videos of various singers on and dance along. She was in a dance club last year and seemed to be doing really well but we had to drop it as she always complained about going, despite enjoying it once there, and her dad always gave in on his weekends and so she missed too much.

She does love building lego, though never really plays with it once it's built. With that in mind I got her a huge set, thinking it would take a while to build at least. We did it together last week over the course of a few days and she really enjoyed doing it. Once it was up she played with it for about 10 minutes then declared she couldn't play anymore as she needed another 2 figures - it was a Friends set and came with 3. She has had all of the girls in one set or another, but of course the ones not included in this set are lost, so she needs to buy more.

She had enough cash given to her to buy the smallish sets she wanted but I said no until she had played with the big one more. She left it and now I have just seen that the big set has fallen apart and she has said she's not building it again until she gets the new figures .

AIBU to say she can't get them? She'll just built them, play for 10 minutes then either declare she needs to buy more or discard them. She's dancing to fucking YouTube again and I wonder why I bother buying anything tbh.

OP posts:

CarolDanvers · 02/01/2019 13:58

You sound really controlling actually. My ds is into Lego and always adding to his collection, that’s the point of Lego isn’t it? The building is the fun part. She wants the complete set of figures and that makes perfect sense. Let her spend her money how she wants.

Pachyderm1 · 02/01/2019 13:58

Why are you micromanaging what she spends her Christmas money on? It’s hers to do what she wants with. she’s expressed a clear wish for a sensible thing, I don’t know why you wouldn’t just accept it. Worst case scenario is she doesn’t play with it much and she learns a lesson about what is worth spending on.

You don’t seem to have a better idea of what she should use the money for so I would just let her have what she wants.

MrsDannyRicc · 02/01/2019 13:59

YABU.

Her money, it's not like she's spending it on sweets or cigarettes!

Snappedandfarted2019 · 02/01/2019 14:01

She sounds like a typical 10year old, I think you sound extremely overbearing though

Cauliflowersqueeze · 02/01/2019 14:02

Crikey. Leave her alone to play and spend her Christmas money how she wants. What’s the point in having a standoff about whether she will or won’t play with lego - it’s such a small thing. I think it’s nice she’s dancing around to YouTube. That’s what kids do.

PooleySpooley · 02/01/2019 14:02

My step kids don’t often get money etc and both have bdays around Christmas so tend to have a lot of cash which they spend in utter shite and waste tbh but at the end of the day it’s their money and hopefully they may regret purchases and make better choices about saving some of it but you only learn from your own mistakes don’t you?

Just let her spend it and grit your teeth

Cauliflowersqueeze · 02/01/2019 14:03

She won’t choose to spend her birthday money in the same way as you spend yours.

TheNewYear · 02/01/2019 14:03

YABU. She is 10 and it is her money. I could understand if it was something really expensive or she wanted to spend all her money on alcohol but this is Lego! You run the risk that she will really rebel from you controlling her as soon as she can.

MissDorothyParker · 02/01/2019 14:04

They don't tend to want to play with the building like a doll house. The fun is in building the thing.

Her dancing sounds wholesome and healthy and I'd love to see my DC doing that.

Fairylea · 02/01/2019 14:04

Her money, her choice.

I do appreciate how tedious it all is though. I have a son (with autism, I know that’s not the case here but mentioning it anyway) who wants every single toy imaginable and only plays with them once! You just have to learn to sigh and nod and let them get on with it.

MissDorothyParker · 02/01/2019 14:05

So yes I would encourage her interests.

Sundance2741 · 02/01/2019 14:06

My 13 yo dd still loves building lego models so gets a new one every birthday and Christmas. She builds it within a day and doesn't play with it afterwards either. She has a lot of sets now though I suspect the pieces have got muddled up - she isn't really interested in making them again and doesn't play much with lego generally anymore. I think it's a good thing that she still likes them - her favourite occupation is social media needless to say - and it helps to have a decent present for someone in the family to buy for her, as it gets harder once they don't like toys anymore.

I'd let her spend her money on the figures. Thre are far worse, less "worthy" things she could buy. You can always sell the lego once she gets fed up with it (or keep it for grandchildren as my parents did!)

WinterfellWench · 02/01/2019 14:08

YABU. I agree with the others; it's HER money, and you sound controlling, and bossy, and frankly, bloody hard work. Your poor daughter. Cut her some slack FFS.

BWatchWatcher · 02/01/2019 14:16

You can pick the two figures up on ebay.
Encourage her to play to music or make a video using the set and the song she likes.
Get just dance or similar for the nintendo wii/switch/xbox.
I do agree about the mountain of crap accumulated by kids this age. My DS2 is the same. He wanted to fritter away his money. I now keep a weird thing with big eyes in my handbag that he spent £3 on a couple of weeks ago. Any time he asks for money I show it to him and urge him to wait until there is something he really really wants.
This seems to help put it into context.

TheBigBangRocks · 02/01/2019 14:16

Her money, not upto you what she spends it on. It wasn't given with conditions by the giver so it's her to fritter as she likes.

Your poor DD, there's nothing nice in your post at all just all negative.

Juells · 02/01/2019 14:16

Cauliflowersqueeze
She won’t choose to spend her birthday money in the same way as you spend yours.

Wins the thread.

BWatchWatcher · 02/01/2019 14:17

I should add the thing he finally spent his money on, was a claw machine that he will with many crappy figures.

LoadOfUtterBoswellocks · 02/01/2019 14:17

Crikey, I was expecting something dreadful. Your DD wants to spend her own money on something age-appropriate? Dear God, the girl wants flogging!

madmum5811 · 02/01/2019 14:18

I am getting a karaoke microphone for DS who loves to sing and dance. See if she fancies that.

LoveManyTrustfew · 02/01/2019 14:18

I opened this thinking it was a teenager who wanted a tattoo.

SoyDora · 02/01/2019 14:19

My 5 and 3 year olds spent their £45 Christmas money (each) in Build a Bear 🤷🏻‍♀️. Their money.
I don’t really understand why you don’t want her to buy the figures? What would you rather she spent the money on?

Escolar · 02/01/2019 14:20

I think it's really common for kids to enjoy building Lego more than playing with it once it's built. Two of my three DC are like this. I'd let her buy the figures.

Gth1234 · 02/01/2019 14:21

It's not necessarily about money.

is she very intelligent? maybe that's why she doesn't want to replay the lego. Self play is not necessarily stimulating. Play some board games with her.

What about getting her a kindle, It doesn't have to cost a fortune to get books - there are load of free ones. Maybe something else that would really challenge her.

What about enrolling her in something else that would get her out. Get her back into the dancing, or do something else. Karate/Judo/Cycling.

Go out for a family walk at the weekend. Join the National Trust. Loads of nice days out at NT properties. Can be costly without an NT membership, but great value with.

OrdinarySnowflake · 02/01/2019 14:21

erm, my DC1 just wants to build lego, not play with it afterwards - that's a very normal way to behave. Not all DCs like imaginative play with lego, lots of children just like the practical building. In fact, most of the adult lego market (the 16+ ranges) are designed for the huge market of adults who do just this, they want to build lego, display it, but then are hardly playing with it afterwards.

For some, they joy is in the toy you have built, for most it's the act of building it.

PeapodBurgundy · 02/01/2019 14:22

DB has loved Lego since he was a child. He builds the sets, then puts them on a shelf like ornaments. The thought that it's a waste not to then play with the completed sets has never occurred to any of us. DSis and I chipped in on a massive expensive set he wanted for his Christmas gift, knowing full well once it was built, it wouldn't be touched again until he decided there was another set he'd rather have, so would be dismantled and sold to raise the funds for the new set. That's how he gets his enjoyment from them, why would we dictate how he has to use HIS Lego sets?

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