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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not to allow dd to spend this Christmas money in this way?

107 replies

flythewindmill · 02/01/2019 13:55

I find dd (10) very difficult to buy for. She doesn't really play with toys, though often asks for shitty figures and playsets she won't ever play with and there are so many clogging up the house, soon to be in landfill.

She loves gaming, but it's a struggle to ever get her off it so I didn't want to encourage that. She loves dancing and, after gaming, her favourite pastime is to put videos of various singers on and dance along. She was in a dance club last year and seemed to be doing really well but we had to drop it as she always complained about going, despite enjoying it once there, and her dad always gave in on his weekends and so she missed too much.

She does love building lego, though never really plays with it once it's built. With that in mind I got her a huge set, thinking it would take a while to build at least. We did it together last week over the course of a few days and she really enjoyed doing it. Once it was up she played with it for about 10 minutes then declared she couldn't play anymore as she needed another 2 figures - it was a Friends set and came with 3. She has had all of the girls in one set or another, but of course the ones not included in this set are lost, so she needs to buy more.

She had enough cash given to her to buy the smallish sets she wanted but I said no until she had played with the big one more. She left it and now I have just seen that the big set has fallen apart and she has said she's not building it again until she gets the new figures .

AIBU to say she can't get them? She'll just built them, play for 10 minutes then either declare she needs to buy more or discard them. She's dancing to fucking YouTube again and I wonder why I bother buying anything tbh.

OP posts:

CloserIAm2Fine · 02/01/2019 14:23

YABU

you won’t let a ten year old spend a relatively small amount of her own money on an age appropriate toy that she wants? You sound extremely controlling.

OrdinarySnowflake · 02/01/2019 14:23

oh and if you are freaking out about the quanities of lego, there's actually a lego sets hire service you can join, you basically rent the sets, build them, then return them. Would something like that interest her? (I'm annoyed I only found out about it after I'd bought all my Christmas gifts this year, I think my 42 year old brother would love that! Another child who only really enjoyed building lego sets, not playing with them once built...)

PeapodBurgundy · 02/01/2019 14:24

X post with OrdinarySnowflake

babysharkah · 02/01/2019 14:26

YABU - her money her choice! Mine are out now spending their Christmas money, I dread to think what they'll come back with but it's up to them.

SoyDora · 02/01/2019 14:27

Also, my 5 year old builds Lego and doesn’t play with it at all afterwards. My 3 year old plays with it (trashes it) and then DD1 rebuilds it.

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 02/01/2019 14:32

DB has loved Lego since he was a child. He builds the sets, then puts them on a shelf like ornaments.

We also have a Lego shelf in our living room crammed with DS's (10) sets as he likes to display them properly!

This is completely normal for her age, DS also spends all his money on Legos and we joke that we'll soon need a "Lego room" to store them all. He does play with them for a while after building, but then he loses interest and wants a new one to build.

Just let her buy them, it's her money.

RitaTheBeater · 02/01/2019 14:32

My dd always just followed the instructions and built the set. She never played with it. It was the following instructions she enjoyed.

You can get sets where one set can be built into three (I think) different things. That one kept my dd going for a few weeks!

Drogosnextwife · 02/01/2019 14:33

How much can you actually play with Lego once it's built, especially if you don't have the figures you want for it.
What is wrong with her dancing to YouTube videos?

Bluelady · 02/01/2019 14:34

Her money, surely she can do as she pleases with it?

Topseyt · 02/01/2019 14:35

Why on earth can't she use her Christmas money to buy a lego figurine to go with the rest of her set?

You are picking a battle that doesn't need to be picked. I could understand if it was something hugely expensive and inappropriate, but it isn't, so let it go.

If she spends the money on the figure and then realised that she would rather have spent it on something else then that will be a lesson learned.

colditz · 02/01/2019 14:36

Lego is a building toy. It's not for "playing with", it's for building, and it's best built with friends. It sounds like she's a bit lonely to be honest, can you have a friend round for her?

Ngaio2 · 02/01/2019 14:39

If she was artistic and painted a picture or made something out of Fimo you wouldn’t expect her to play with the end product. Likewise model cars and aircraft or embroidery.

loubluee · 02/01/2019 14:39

You said you built it together. Why not let her build it in her own?? She’s at an age where she is more than capable.

thefinn · 02/01/2019 14:39

Your post is really negative about your dd. What's wrong with her dancing to Youtube? I also expected this to be about a teen wanting to spend the money on a tattoo, alcohol or similar.

CaMePlaitPas · 02/01/2019 14:40

She's only 10 once OP. Soon enough none of this will matter anymore. Let her spend her Christmas money on something that makes her happy.

bluebellpillow · 02/01/2019 14:41

The thing is Lego is an investment. Keep the boxes and in 20 years time it could be will be worth money.

LannieDuck · 02/01/2019 14:41

I thought you were going to say she wants to spend all her xmas money on sweets!

I'm amazed you have any issue with a 10yo spending xmas money on lego.

nuttynutjob · 02/01/2019 14:45

Let her dance, sing and watch YouTube videos. For me a singing child is a happy child.

Get her a Tube Superstar (as it's only £12.50) on Amazon or a karaoke machine.

edwardcullensotherwoman · 02/01/2019 14:45

When you said how much she loves gaming I thought you were going to say she wants to spend all her money on in-game currency (Robux, coins etc), in which case I'd be inclined to discourage that.

I think it's great that she wants to buy more Lego, and saying she has to play with that set more first is a bit controlling imo. If she wants to use her own money to get something she wants to play with, that goes with other sets she has, that's a good thing. Especially if it means she'll play with it a bit more.

A little hint on the time spent gaming - we suggested a schedule to DS. He hated the idea initially, but then worked out his own schedule and has stuck to it for 6 months, rigidly

Mishappening · 02/01/2019 14:46

That sees a reasonable thing for her to spend her money on. I think you are being a total meanie TBH! She has a vision in her mind of what she wants to do with this and you are trampling on that for no good reason. Exactly how long must she play with the building she has made before she is allowed to add these figures to it? - are you planning to time her?

Most children build lego things and then do not play with them much - the fun is in the making.

Having money of your own to spend is novel and fun to children and they should be allowed to spend it as they wish - unless if is porn or a dagger. It is fun and a learning experience. Leave her be.

IfIwereMrGreen · 02/01/2019 14:46

We were given a load a second hand Lego recently. DC are too young to play with it so DH and I spent all evening rifling through the pieces and sorting them out- we had loads of fun!

I think the appeal of Lego is to just collect it once you have built with it. Some people
are more creative than me, but when I was little I just liked to see how fast I could build and then display it.

I would let her buy more so she can add to the Xmas set. I would have loved that!

Katinkka · 02/01/2019 14:48

Poor kid. Why are you being so horrible to her?

OutPinked · 02/01/2019 14:50

I had a friend in primary school who had an extremely controlling and overbearing Mother. As soon as she was given any birthday or Christmas money it went into a bank account, she wasn’t allowed to spend a dime until she turned 18. By the time she was 18, she had enough to buy a car and a years insurance. I was pretty fucked off my DM hadn’t made me save mine tbh . But no, I had fun with it as a child spending it on absolute tosh.

It’s your DD’s money, not yours. Don’t be the overbearing mother however sensible you think it is. She’s ten and wants Lego, soon that Lego will be make up and handbags. Let her be young while she has chance.

wheresmyhairytoe · 02/01/2019 14:51

YABU, it's her money to spend on what she wants.

DD got money for Christmas and spent it on another bloody build a bear to go with the 18 million she already has. Her money, her choice though.

Original poster

flythewindmill · 02/01/2019 14:55

Well, I didn't expect that tbh .

It's just a bit draining that she builds something that cost about £50 and within minutes was on Amazon looking for something else, but I suppose it did take a while to actually build, so perhaps I should look at it that way? I just feel bad - I mean so often I see posts on here about kids playing with Lego but it never happens here. Do other people buy new sets all the time?

As for letting her build it alone, I would be happy to but she always wants me there. Tbh, I just help where needed and she does 90% of it herself.

Whoever said she sounds lonely, wtf? Where do you get that from? I'd love her to go out more but she refused to go to the dance club most weeks. She has a brother she loves to hate and seems to have plenty of friends, though she doesn't see a huge amount of them out of school as I work f/t. Nonetheless she's got a sleepover and a party this week. Who says Lego's bets built with friends - when she does have friends over they never, ever play with lego...

OP posts:

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