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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to allow dd to spend this Christmas money in this way?

107 replies

flythewindmill · 02/01/2019 13:55

I find dd (10) very difficult to buy for. She doesn't really play with toys, though often asks for shitty figures and playsets she won't ever play with and there are so many clogging up the house, soon to be in landfill.

She loves gaming, but it's a struggle to ever get her off it so I didn't want to encourage that. She loves dancing and, after gaming, her favourite pastime is to put videos of various singers on and dance along. She was in a dance club last year and seemed to be doing really well but we had to drop it as she always complained about going, despite enjoying it once there, and her dad always gave in on his weekends and so she missed too much.

She does love building lego, though never really plays with it once it's built. With that in mind I got her a huge set, thinking it would take a while to build at least. We did it together last week over the course of a few days and she really enjoyed doing it. Once it was up she played with it for about 10 minutes then declared she couldn't play anymore as she needed another 2 figures - it was a Friends set and came with 3. She has had all of the girls in one set or another, but of course the ones not included in this set are lost, so she needs to buy more.

She had enough cash given to her to buy the smallish sets she wanted but I said no until she had played with the big one more. She left it and now I have just seen that the big set has fallen apart and she has said she's not building it again until she gets the new figures Angry.

AIBU to say she can't get them? She'll just built them, play for 10 minutes then either declare she needs to buy more or discard them. She's dancing to fucking YouTube again and I wonder why I bother buying anything tbh.

OP posts:
Trampire · 02/01/2019 14:55

YABU.

She sounds totally normal.

My DS11 is still very into Lego. He spends nearly ALL his money on it and he gets an awful lot as gifts. His room looks like a Lego shop. The biggest thing for him his the build. He will play will then afterwards but will leave at least a few weeks, then modify them, rotate sets etc.

As for YouTube, that sounds really normal too. At least she's moving! My ds watches comedians like Tim Vine and memorises all the jokes.

Leave her be. She's fine!

Lovemusic33 · 02/01/2019 14:55

She sounds a bit like my dd who likes to collect things Grin

It’s her money? Let her buy what she likes with it. I often cringe at what my dd’s choose to buy, I often don’t agree with their choices but at the end of the day it’s their money and not mine. I’m taking my dd’s shopping tomorrow, dd1 is going off shopping with friends in town and I know she will return with Pokemon cards or a cuddly toy but there’s nothing I can do (her money, her choice).

Dd2 had 2 Lego sets for Christmas, both have remained in once piece unlike all the other things she got which she has broken and most have been binned. I don’t mind buying Lego as it holds its price, she enjoys building it rather than playing with it, when we get over run with Lego we sell some.

woollyheart · 02/01/2019 14:56

Nobody plays much with Lego once it's built. The whole fun is in building it. That doesn't mean she didn't enjoy it.

robinwasntred · 02/01/2019 14:57

I think there are two different types of play involved in Lego - there's the building/construction/following instructions aspect, and the role play/fantasy-type games you can play with the finished construction. Not all children are going to enjoy both, most are likely to prefer one over the other. It sounds like your dd does a bit of both if she wants the extra figures, so surely that must be a good thing?
At least she's dancing to YouTube and getting some exercise rather than sitting down watching it. Could you look for an evening dance class if her dad won't take her to the weekend one?

roundaboutthetown · 02/01/2019 14:58

Lego is rubbish to play with after you've built it - it falls to bits too easily. The fun is in the building, not the trying to play with something that has bits falling off it left, right and centre.

SoyDora · 02/01/2019 14:59

Do other people buy new sets all the time?

No, mine usually gets a few sets at Christmas and birthdays but that’s it. We sometimes take a set apart and put it back in the box for a while, then she rebuilds a few months later. Or DD2 ‘plays’ with it and it needs fixing/rebuilding.

Lovemusic33 · 02/01/2019 14:59

I think when people say their kids ‘play’ with Lego, they actually mean ‘build’? It’s quite hard to play with it once it’s built as it tends to break.

I enjoy building Lego, I have a couple of the big sets, I don’t play with them, I build them and display them. The set I got for Christmas seems to break whenever I try and move it.

roundaboutthetown · 02/01/2019 15:02

If you take the lego to bits carefully to ensure nothing is lost and keep all the instructions, your dd could enjoy building it again at some point. Better that than expect her to enjoy playing with it and watch little bits go missing until it's useless for anything.

E20mom · 02/01/2019 15:05

Oh let her buy what she wants.

Schmoozer · 02/01/2019 15:09

Yabu
The building and the collecting is the fun, not the playing at this age !!

You sound overly critical of your dd
Calling the things she likes shitty is really mean 😢

Original poster
flythewindmill · 02/01/2019 15:11

And yes, she has a microphone, just dance and I've also got her a 3 d animation kit thing for Christmas, though she hasn't looked at it yet. It's frustrating they need to buy more when they have stuff that's still in the box tbh.

Getting her out of the house is increasingly difficult. We're in the national trust, but I end up thinking what's the point of driving the best part of an hour, which is obviously not cheap, when neither DC really want to go anyway. Then I think we'll stay local, but that's boring. I find this age bloody hard actually.

OP posts:
PolkaDoting · 02/01/2019 15:14

You don’t sound like you like her very much.

SparklyMagpie · 02/01/2019 15:18

You're sounding worse with each update Confused

LoadOfUtterBoswellocks · 02/01/2019 15:19

You do seem to have very clear ideas about what she "should" enjoy and "should" do and "should" want. Maybe it's time (and I mean this kindly) to let go of what YOU want FOR her and find out what SHE is actually into.

MrMakersFartyParty · 02/01/2019 15:19

The joy is in the building usually...

Rachelle3211 · 02/01/2019 15:19

What things to you do together that you enjoy with her?

Zevitevitchofcwsmas · 02/01/2019 15:20

Op I concur with most posters comments on not trying to control her.

However, please don't send play sets to the land fill! Sell them on, give to school Xmas fair, local play groups, child minders, free cycle! Charity shops!

Secondly I encourage my dc to save half in the bank and spend half. I chomp at the bit to control myself when one dd chose expensive soft toys again.... Such a waste of money but its her mistake to make.... And half of her ££ is saved.

Maybe try setting up little bank account for her and then let her spend and choose how she wants.
I don't force my dc to save in bank but we have got to a stage (paltry stage I might add as no one gives them money really) where they get excited seeing the numbers build up.

madmum5811 · 02/01/2019 15:21

Hate the kits, you build it and you are finished. I ordered off E Bay a mixed bag of windows and doors, a mixed bag of wheels, a mixed bag of bases to augment the box of basic bricks. We have built a house and a couple of cars today. No instruction manuals just imagination.

Soubriquet · 02/01/2019 15:22

YANBU

obviously she should be putting it towards rent and paying for groceries for the week Hmm

Of course she should spend it on the Lego sets she wants

It’s her money

MrMakersFartyParty · 02/01/2019 15:22

I'm really sad for her, she spent days playing (building) but that's not enough.

Zevitevitchofcwsmas · 02/01/2019 15:23

Op, my dc only really get gifts at Xmas, much less at bday and one small gift at Easter.

Sometimes they only come to some Xmas presents at the end of the year! My dd had a sew cool set last Xmas and only took interest in it November. But that's sort of the idea.. To keep them going all year.

10 is a hard age yes.

They start to emerge from toys but still not quite sound in other interests...

Stefoscope · 02/01/2019 15:26

What would you prefer her to spend the money on?

Zevitevitchofcwsmas · 02/01/2019 15:26

Op another idea (that maybe unpopular on here)

If she really doesn't take any interests in the them after building them, what about suggesting she sells them on ebay to fund her next one??

NoLeslie · 02/01/2019 15:28

I think the idea of getting the bits on eBay is great. My DS wanted to spend £50 Christmas money on fortnite v bucks- I vetoed that but normally let him spend as he likes. Tat is one thing, virtual tat is a step too far!!

gamerwidow · 02/01/2019 15:30

Another one saying her money her choice. As long as it’s age appropriate I let DD buy whatever she wants but on the understanding that if she ends regretting what’s she’s bought that’s tough luck for not choosing better.

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