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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not to allow dd to spend this Christmas money in this way?

107 replies

flythewindmill · 02/01/2019 13:55

I find dd (10) very difficult to buy for. She doesn't really play with toys, though often asks for shitty figures and playsets she won't ever play with and there are so many clogging up the house, soon to be in landfill.

She loves gaming, but it's a struggle to ever get her off it so I didn't want to encourage that. She loves dancing and, after gaming, her favourite pastime is to put videos of various singers on and dance along. She was in a dance club last year and seemed to be doing really well but we had to drop it as she always complained about going, despite enjoying it once there, and her dad always gave in on his weekends and so she missed too much.

She does love building lego, though never really plays with it once it's built. With that in mind I got her a huge set, thinking it would take a while to build at least. We did it together last week over the course of a few days and she really enjoyed doing it. Once it was up she played with it for about 10 minutes then declared she couldn't play anymore as she needed another 2 figures - it was a Friends set and came with 3. She has had all of the girls in one set or another, but of course the ones not included in this set are lost, so she needs to buy more.

She had enough cash given to her to buy the smallish sets she wanted but I said no until she had played with the big one more. She left it and now I have just seen that the big set has fallen apart and she has said she's not building it again until she gets the new figures .

AIBU to say she can't get them? She'll just built them, play for 10 minutes then either declare she needs to buy more or discard them. She's dancing to fucking YouTube again and I wonder why I bother buying anything tbh.

OP posts:

NameNotImportant · 02/01/2019 15:38

I agree that ten year olds can be tricky to buy for and it's for that exact reason why people give cash, so they can buy something they want.

When I give kids in my family money for Christmas or Birthdays it's unconditional and to spend on whatever shit they want. I don't give a list of stuff they are not allowed to buy, or state they have to spend on something they use more than once, and a parent adding conditions seems controlling. Would you do the same if the people had given her the item she wants as an actual gift? Like if she'd been gotten a video game and a couple of the sets would you tell her she's not allowed them?

I'm all for teaching children how to manage money and be responsible but I do that with money all year round and with money I give her as pocket money, not money she's been given from others.

I have family member who doesn't allow the 10 year old dd to buy craft items with her money, she is collecting a specific type of craft sets and her Dad doesn't let her buy them, she really really loves this type of set and the only reason the Dad doesn't let her buy them is he hates having to put them on display or being asked to help her make it. Family all just bought her the sequin set once they learnt Dad was doing this.

Bringbackthestrioes · 02/01/2019 15:38

The enjoyment is in the building/creating. If to her it would be finished off having the figures YABU to not let her spend HER money on something she wants. DC has far too many sets to count and I dread to think how much has been spent but, for a while, any money DC had was spent on Lego. Some are set up complete on a table in the bedroom others are now just buckets and buckets of bricks. Second hand Lego has quite a high value so I know, eventually, DC could get some money back if it was sold.
Let her buy what she wants.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 02/01/2019 15:39

I had a similar discussion/disagreement with my sister about her young daughter's desire for a mobile phone at a very similar age. The question to answer is: whose money is it? To my mind, if given as a gift, then it belongs to who it was given to and they should be able to decide for themselves what it is spent on.

Look at it this way: if she makes a bad choice and regrets having wasted it, she will have learned a very valuable lesson. One which it would be much, much harder for your to teach her yourself.

WeirdCatLady · 02/01/2019 15:40

Her money, her choice. I adore Lego, I have an insanely large collection. I enjoy building it but that’s it.

Has she ever tried nanoblocks? They’re like tiny Lego but a damned sight cheaper.

madmum5811 · 02/01/2019 15:42

Second hand E Bay lego is amazing. I tried the website but could not find what I wanted. We have just built another house, running out of lego bases, a mini home so it is more like a greenhouse with lots of windows lol. Looks like a bifold home .

milkandpancakes · 02/01/2019 15:43

It's HER money, not yours - you do realise that? How absurdly controlling, especially with a ten year old. It's always good to buy Lego as far as I'm concerned, anyway!

Onatreebyariver · 02/01/2019 15:49

YABU but it’s wether you’ll take onboard what we are all saying.

It’s her money, her choice. She wants to spend it on Lego not drugs. Let her.

NotANotMan · 02/01/2019 15:52

I always thought the point of Lego was to build it and admire it, not to 'play' with it

Lovemusic33 · 02/01/2019 15:57

I have just built a couple of building sets with dd which we bought from wish, they are similar to Lego but a bit smaller (almost as small as nano blocks) I think the sets only cost £3 each, I’m really impressed with them, dd has taken them apart and built them again, they are little shops (we bought McDonald’s and Starbucks).

Lovemusic33 · 02/01/2019 15:59

My eldest also hates going out (she has Aspergers and gets social anxiety), it’s getting harder to force her to go anywhere now she’s getting older but it started when she was around 10 years old, I found buying her a camera helped so she could take photos when we go out.

Graffitiqueen · 02/01/2019 16:05

YABU. Lego sounds an appropriate thing for her to buy. I thought you were going to say she spent it all on in app purchases or something!

I don't know many kids that actually play much with the Lego sets once they are built.

Have you thought about getting her something like ugears if she enjoys building things?

Aeroflotgirl · 02/01/2019 16:07

Chill out, there is not much you can do with Lego once it is built, but just admire your handiwork. Just let her spend her money on what she wants. A lot of 10 year olds are like this, flit from one thing to another, not every child is deeply engrossed in things.

Aeroflotgirl · 02/01/2019 16:08

She is your dd how she is, stop making her into the child you want her to be, and just let her be.

PickAChew · 02/01/2019 16:08

You're being petty. It's made of plastic and isn't going to go off if she doesn't play with it every bloody day.

AlanThePig · 02/01/2019 16:11

Over the years I could have cried at the stuff DC's have purchased, some of the biggest load of crap ever. But ultimately, it was their money to spend as they wish and if they enjoyed that so be it.

Now it's me buying myself the lego and the adult DC's give me the look.

Want2bSupermum · 02/01/2019 16:11

You are missing a huge opportunity to teach her about money and how to manage it. DD1 is 7 and was given $100 from grandpa. We sat down with her and explained that she needs to save some, give some to others less fortunate (i.e. Pay her taxes) and she can spend the rest as she pleases.

She decided to save $50, she purchased some toiletries for the homeless shelter for $20 and has $30 for spends. I'm expecting her to buy something that will be an explosion of glitter or something equally horrific. Consider yourself lucky she only wants to buy lego, at least it hoovers up easily unlike glitter.

Passing4Human · 02/01/2019 16:14

She sounds like a normal, happy girl for her age to me OP. I have a 10 year old SD who has the same sort of interests. She's into the dancing/watching vids too. She has spent a lot of time editing short videos of her dancing over Christmas. SD also wanted those Bunchem things this year and she made things with them for about a day (in total) before getting bored, but I think that's to be expected. We'd got extra ones from a charity shop and they'll go back there once SD is done. I'd love if she was more into Lego (agree with others it's the building that is what Lego is all about I think) but anything that keeps a kid occupied for any length of time over Christmas is great.

Genuine question - what in your mind would be worthwhile activities you think a child your DD's age should be doing? If it's just the attention span for things that bothers you I really think that's just normal.

yikesanotherbooboo · 02/01/2019 16:23

I have never heard of children playing 'with ' Lego , it is for model building.
What your daughter enjoys or wishes to do is up to her. Once she runs out of money she will have to wait for her birthday or whatever. Your choices for her aren't more valid than hers . Let her make choices, it is part of growing up, some work out well and some don't , how will she learn if you choose for her?

junebirthdaygirl · 02/01/2019 16:32

While l agree about the lego l don't think Bitter that it should be a childs decision when they get a mobile phone. Thats completely different as it changes a lot of things for the child and the parents need to have the main say here.
I would be so relieved my dd was looking for Lego that l would be running to the shop with her. You will look back longingly on these Lego days before long. It takes the fun out of having money as a gift if you have to justify how you spend it.
Let her off.

FishCanFly · 02/01/2019 16:34

YABU. Its Lego, not virtual gaming coins.

Dvg · 02/01/2019 16:38

The point of lego is to build it.. not play with it o_0 The fun part is building

CaptainBrickbeard · 02/01/2019 16:41

DS is Lego crazy. He will build the set and then in a couple of days, take it apart and build something else. We have huge boxes of Lego and he will make bonkers creations that are part Harry-Potter-Star-Wars-superhero-prison-hospital etc! The sets don’t typically get rebuilt and he doesn’t really play with his creations, just builds all sorts of different things.

SweetheartNeckline · 02/01/2019 16:47

Some of my cousins were made to save their birthday and Christmas money. It used to piss my mum off as she (rightly imo) said it was given in lieu of a gift so should be spent on something "gifty", or saved for a summertime toy (all our family have September-February birthdays!) but not saved towards something ethereal like future potential uni fees. She reverted to giving them physical gifts.

I'm assuming your DD had the Friendship House so "needs" Stephanie and Mia? Stephanie's bedroom set is usually on the 2 for £15 at Argos, or £8ish in supermarkets, as is Mia's bedroom set.

My DD is 7 and likes to build the sets and display them, we also have a family box of Lego (bought by me at the start of one half term or another) which she uses to make extras like desks or pet beds. The Lego Friends magazines tend to come with 2 small builds too which os good value for £4ish imo.

Dancing to youtube videos sounds like a lovely pastime, my girls also like Cosmic Kids Yoga.

Ethel36 · 02/01/2019 16:51

I know where you're coming from. Mine would build it..then never, ever touch it again! I'd wince as it cost so much money! Now I spend it on things I know they'll actually use. Best things I bought was the dance and 1,2 switch games for the switch.

lazymum99 · 02/01/2019 16:52

Many years ago I had to stand back and watch DS1 (he is 27 now) spend £10 on one pokemon card. That was hard.

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