I need a bit of outside perspective as I'm really upset about the situation so be gentle :P
I don't have the best relationship with my biological dad. We saw him at best 2 times a year from the age of 7 on wards (24 now) and he's never really bothered with us.
We've always seen him on boxing day and he's always given us a bit of cash and always given us a bit of something for our birthday (Always through the post, he never comes and actually sees us). He's never really contributed to mine and my brothers upbringing and my mum has had to deal with a lot on her own.
I moved out at age 21 and lived in 3 places since and he'd never even been to any of my new homes. To be fair, he does live 45 mins away but him and his partner both drive and I did invite them round once to my first home to stay over and they said they couldn't as they couldnt sleep on an airbed/sofa due to the fact my step mum has a bad hip. Since then, I didn't really bother as it was apparent that he wasn't bothered about coming down anyway. I've been with my fiance for 5 years and he's met him a grand total of 4 times.
I've always felt like he's got his new family now (His new wife and her 2 sons) and we're not important anymore. He even sent us a letter at one point when I was 11 and my brother was 14 saying as much that we need to accept the fact that he's moved on with his life.
I started driving 3 years ago and since then it has been my responsibility to drive me, my other half, my brother, his girlfriend and any other rogue family member from his side (Auntie, Grandma etc) bearing in mind I hardly know his side of the family which makes for a very uncomfortable drive, to his house on boxing day. I'm already a very nervous driver and everyone is fully aware that I struggle with the drive every year but no one has ever offered to come pick up up. So last year I was a bit fed up with this and thought why not invite them round to come and see us for a change and then they can see our new home. I text him asking him this and received no reply (Shock) and then about half an hour later he posted a facebook status at which point I just snapped.
Sent him a long text about how he can't be bothered with me and I'm done and want no contact as all it ever causes me is upset and heartbreak. Blocked him and all members of his family off all platforms. This was in November. Fast forward to December, meanwhile he's been trying to make contact with me and making the effort to get in touch and is getting ignored by me. My birthday is in December and on my birthday I get a phone call off of a private number. I assume that this is my Auntie (mums side) and pick up and start talking to her as it is but it turns out its my Step mum basically shouting at me telling me I'm ridiculous and that I'm a coward to which I basically told her to swivel and hung up on her. This irked me so I messaged my dad and told him to put his dog on a lead and fight his own battles and if he really wanted to contact me he could have come round to my house and spoken to me or at least sent me a letter, housewarming card, birthday card, christmas card ANYTHING.
Nothing until January when we get a letter and its from my dad explaining himself to which I then decide that if hes making the effort then I'll give him another chance.
May comes around and his mum dies, we all attend the funeral and have a heart to heart about how family means a lot and we should all stick together more. Nothing really changes but it was nice to feel loved.
In the mean time, him and his wife come round to visit us at our new home (which I mentioned in the fallout that I was offended they hadnt bothered yet) and we go for a meal. They dont so much as buy us a round of drinks when they know that we're saving for a wedding.
They go home, roll round to boxing day when its again, my responsibility to drive my auntie up and the rest of the gang to his house. Me and my brother sit on the edge feeling like outsiders, no one offers us a drink, no one has bought us a present and we sit there and watch their family all exchange gifts while we're sat there feeling a bit like lemons. No one offers me anything for petrol when they know that I'm skint. We saw my dad for a total of around 20 minutes while he was in the kitchen talking to my auntie. I kinda felt like I was being used to ferry her up there so that my dad could have a drink.
He didnt get me anything for my birthday this year either even though he said he'd transfer me some pennies (I've not seen these pennies yet and he doesn't even have my bank details)
Thats not even the entirety of the situation. Thats just the bare bones.
My step dad has been with my mum since I was 15. Has bent over backwards for us and I'm really glad he's a member of our family. Would literally do anything for us and treats us like his own. He has no kids but has accepted us with open arms and I see him as more of a dad than my dad. He has literally treated us like his own kids.
I want to show him how grateful I am by asking him to walk me down the aisle.
Heres where it gets complicated.
My dads way of contributing to our wedding is that he said he'd pay for our honeymoon.
HOWEVER the catch is - him and his wife are coming with us. I had to say to him, can we not stay on a week after you've left and we'll pay our own accommodation which is now what is happening.
Tbh, after Christmas I'm feeling really upset and would happily not go on the honeymoon with my dad and his wife as clinger onners. But I know they've already paid for the flights and the accommodation and I'm not sure what I can do.
To be honest - I'm probably just being a brat and that was a long waffling rant that didn't make any sense as when I think about it, I didn't get my dad anything for Christmas either (my brother and his girlfriend did but we said as we're saving for a wedding this year we wont be)
Am I being a brat?
Help!