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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boyfriend gave me tat Xmas present...AIBU?

119 replies

KikiB89 · 01/01/2019 23:34

After my boyfriend failed to give me anything for my birthday earlier this year (not even a card!) he stepped up this Christmas and gave me a bracelet amongst some other wee things.

When I first glanced at the bracelet I thought it was an odd choice to put silver charms on a bronze chain but ok. When I looked at it later I saw that the chain was badly tarnished and some of the diamantes from one of the charms were missing! I googled the brand and can only find their wholesale website and a few items on amazon but not this particular piece. However he doesn’t do online shopping (usually gets me to order on his behalf) so I’m beginning to question where on earth he even acquired it!

AIBU to mention it to him? I asked him for an inexpensive pair of earrings from pandora (we live close to one) and at first I was happy that he took initiative but now I really just wish he had got me what I asked for. We had a pretty big falling out over the birthday thing so I am hesitant to go down a similar road again.

OP posts:
ChocolateStash · 01/01/2019 23:36

Ask him. How long are you two together?

2019already · 01/01/2019 23:42

I’d dump him.

frazzledasarock · 01/01/2019 23:43

I’d have to ask him.

And ask him also why he didn’t buy the gift you asked for instead?

He sounds pretty thoughtless.

Did you get him a thoughtful gift he liked for his birthday and Xmas?

WanderingTrolley1 · 01/01/2019 23:43

It’s obviously 2nd hand, which I could excuse if money was tight and it wasn’t battered!

gamerwidow · 01/01/2019 23:45

Say to him ‘oh look the diamanté’s come off of this charm what a shame it’ll need to go back to be fixed/replaced’ and see what he does.

gamerwidow · 01/01/2019 23:46

Nothing wrong with second hand jewellery per se but it needs to be in good condition.

Original poster
KikiB89 · 01/01/2019 23:47

1.5 years but known each other a long time. Last Xmas he gave me a pricey gift and I gave him a few thoughtful bits but didn’t spend over £100 as we hadn’t been together long. I made up for it this year! He has a reputation in our friend group for being stingy to be honest.

OP posts:
MarthasGinYard · 02/01/2019 00:06

'some of the diamantes from one of the charms were missing!'

'Oh no do you have the receipt for my bracelet I've noticed it's damaged, I'll get them to replace it'

frazzledasarock · 02/01/2019 00:11

Can’t be doing with a stingy partner. For me it would be a dealbreaker.

Give him tat for his birthdays and Christmas see how he reacts.

Justaboy · 02/01/2019 00:17

I've never been one for giving expensive gifts and I've told anyone i've bene with that too.

Conversley I don't want or expect gifts from anyone in return.

My take is that you have me body and soul and I you too.

Really what more do you need or want?.

trojanpony · 02/01/2019 00:18

Life’s too short for this. I say dump him.

HollowTalk · 02/01/2019 00:18

He has a reputation for being stingy. That's a really horrible trait. Why would you want to be with someone like that?

notangelinajolie · 02/01/2019 00:23

Some people just don't do good presents.

Similar story so now me and DH don't buy each other anything and tbh I prefer it that way. It's definitely better than receiving tat. Could you both come to some kind of arrangement like that? FWIW we have been married for nearly 30 years so him buying me crappy presents early on in our relationship has not divided us Xmas Smile

Original poster
KikiB89 · 02/01/2019 00:27

To be fair to him he is usually a great partner. I don’t want to hurt his feelings but I can’t wear it in public it’s that bad! It’s embarrassing to have to cover for him when my family ask me what did he buy you for birthday/Xmas!

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 02/01/2019 00:35

Why don't you tell him, I noticed that the diamantes have fallen out, that really shoulden't happen after a few days, what shop did you get it from and the receipt so I can exchange it! Type thing, be forward with him.

PaulHollywoodsleftbollockhair · 02/01/2019 00:36

Go and buy the earrings you wanted for yourself. Tell him you have bought them to replace the tarnished bracelet he bought you and if he could get his money back on the bracelet he could then contribute to the earrings you originally asked for.

He is a skinflint

MyKingdomForBrie · 02/01/2019 00:52

Yep use the damage to ask for shop name and reciept, insist if he tries to dodge question. Second hand is fine but tattered shit that cost a fiver dressed up as expensive is just deceitful.

delboysskinandblister · 02/01/2019 00:58

if he can't even get you a card for your birthday...

shirleyschmidt · 02/01/2019 01:07

Sounds like he's been very tight, OP. Frugal/careful with money is one thing, as is being a bit scatty/thoughtless, but having completely ignored your birthday he owed you a better Christmas present than the one you've had.

If you love him and he's great otherwise, have an honest conversation and tell him that on birthdays and Christmas you'd appreciate a bit of effort to get you something you'd really like, just as you've done for him. Not everyone is bothered about gifts and where that suits both people it makes total sense. But that's clearly not your own approach and tbh I'd get rid if he doesn't start being a bit more generous.

chatwoo · 02/01/2019 01:23

You should let him know it's got some bits missing and you'd really love to get a replacement, so that you can wear it (suggest you go together to the shop it came from).

Sed what his response is Grin

Unobtainable · 02/01/2019 01:29

Is it Pandora or knock-off? Did he get it from a pawn shop maybe or Facebook tat selling page or Ebay? Do some Googling.

category12 · 02/01/2019 01:34

Don't cover for him with your family .

category12 · 02/01/2019 01:37

Posted too soon. Don't cover for him with your family, it's a slippery slope. If you're ashamed of the way he treats you it's a bad sign.

Banana1979 · 02/01/2019 01:37

Is he going through financial problems? If so thats a valid reason. Other reason is some people are very bad at giving gifts and he maybe hasn't been in this gift giving position b4.
Id sit with him and say that you really appreciate the him giving you a gift however you did feel hurt when you realised the gift he bought you was used and was tarnished and this made you think that he didnt really think of you and made him appear thoughtless. Tell him its not about the object itself but that at this stage in your rship u was expecting something that was at least new or showed some love.

MiddleClassProblem · 02/01/2019 01:44

The cheapest earrings at pandora are still over £30. He might not have enough for that.