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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boyfriend gave me tat Xmas present...AIBU?

119 replies

KikiB89 · 01/01/2019 23:34

After my boyfriend failed to give me anything for my birthday earlier this year (not even a card!) he stepped up this Christmas and gave me a bracelet amongst some other wee things.

When I first glanced at the bracelet I thought it was an odd choice to put silver charms on a bronze chain but ok. When I looked at it later I saw that the chain was badly tarnished and some of the diamantes from one of the charms were missing! I googled the brand and can only find their wholesale website and a few items on amazon but not this particular piece. However he doesn’t do online shopping (usually gets me to order on his behalf) so I’m beginning to question where on earth he even acquired it!

AIBU to mention it to him? I asked him for an inexpensive pair of earrings from pandora (we live close to one) and at first I was happy that he took initiative but now I really just wish he had got me what I asked for. We had a pretty big falling out over the birthday thing so I am hesitant to go down a similar road again.

OP posts:
Saracen · 02/01/2019 01:47

I agree with shirleyschmidt. Be straightforward about what you expect, and see whether that makes him up his game.

Graphista · 02/01/2019 01:59

At best 2nd hand at worst nicked!

I'd dump!

Mean with money mean with love.

Exactly HOW is he otherwise "great"?

MudCity · 02/01/2019 02:45

Oh OP, I’m not even materialistic but this could be a dealbreaker for me. It’s not about money, it’s about doing something for the other person that you know will bring them pleasure.

There is no doubt that some people need more ‘direction’ than others when it comes to gift buying so, having given him an idea of what you might like, it is sad he didn’t go with that.

I really feel for you.

Monty27 · 02/01/2019 02:53

Point out to him that it's damaged. Ask for the receipt so you can exchange it. It the receipts not available give the bracelet back and ask him to get a replacement.
Nowt worse than stinginess. Especially a) cos it's a Christmas gift b) because he's not short of a few Bob.
I'd wait for a satisfactory outcome and take it from there. If the outcome didn't satisfy me he'd be history.
Good luck Flowers

Whyarealltheusernamestaken · 02/01/2019 02:56

Just be honest with him, it’s damaged, can it be returned, where did it come from etc

curiousierandcouriser · 02/01/2019 03:31

I would try to talk to him about it as other posters suggested. If you two have different expectations around gifts, then its likely going to fester and put pressure on your relationship.

TBH, the braclet sounds like a poor gift but there may be a reasonable explanation (i.e. money was tight, he's a terrible gift buyer, etc). This is something that can be worked out with a conversation.

StoppinBy · 02/01/2019 03:48

I am fine with receiving second hand presents if they are in good condition and it is something I wanted but I would be upset to get something that was all broken, it shows a total lack of care.

I hope that you ask him to take it back to be fixed/replaced, would love to know what he does!

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/01/2019 04:22

Mmm he sounds tight. Can’t stand that as a trait. It isn’t a good one especially when children are involved. You only have to read threads on here, when men give women next to nothing on mat leave yet still expect them to contribute 50% to the household even though their salaries are 3 times that of the op. Thus leaving the op unable to eat properly let alone buy the entire kit for the baby, as why should he contribute??

I agree with others, try and get it sorted out. And if you want children I’d be asking some big big questions. Don’t buy a house together with your inheritance for example.

Armchairanarchist · 02/01/2019 04:44

I can't bear stinginess, it's an absolute deal breaker. DH is useless at buying presents so I now just ask for what I want (all money is shared anyway.) He'll usually add a bouquet and a meal out to it but his awful gift buying has nothing to do with cost. I've trained our adult DS well and he buys the most fabulous gifts.

jessstan2 · 02/01/2019 05:21

He may not be stingy, may just not have a lot of idea about what people expect in the way of presents. He probably meant very well with the bracelet, could have bought it in an antique market or something (before the diamantes fell off). You do what has been suggested, tell him to take it back as bits are falling off.

I'd have been more upset about getting no birthday present, don't understand that. It's not difficult to buy a card and a bouquet, and take you out for a meal. However, that is past.

I hope you work it all out satisfactorily.
Flowers as belated birthday gift.

Loveweekends10 · 02/01/2019 05:31

My DH is lovely. A really kind man. However when it comes to gifts he’s bloody useless. I blame his mum. She now actually wraps gifts but when they were growing up she just used to hand them their Xmas presents in the plastic bags!

CaptainMarvelDanvers · 02/01/2019 06:50

Be honest and communicate with him.

OliviaStabler · 02/01/2019 06:52

He has a reputation in our friend group for being stingy to be honest.

You need to nip that in the bud now.

Jimdandy · 02/01/2019 06:52

Dump him now. It’s no good accepting that he didn’t even care enough about you to buy you a card from the corner shop for your first bday together, you’ll end up disappointed every birthday

Gina2012 · 02/01/2019 06:53

He has a reputation in our friend group for being stingy to be honest.

Well there you are

You have your answer

Quite why you're surprised about the bracelet, I'm not sure.

He is who he is

If you want to spend the rest of your life nagging him into being generous, good luck

It won't work imo

EnglishRose13 · 02/01/2019 06:54

Post a photo.

SnuggyBuggy · 02/01/2019 06:54

There is being prudent with money and being stingy and I don't think it's a good trait. I agree with people saying point out the damage and enquiring about getting it changed, gives some benefit of the doubt.

Consolidateyourloins · 02/01/2019 07:18

'Oh no do you have the receipt for my bracelet I've noticed it's damaged, I'll get them to replace it'

^ This

And when he says he lost it, tell him it's obvious it's cheap tat from the market.

Don't get him anything next time, or just get cheap tat too.

And what's thing about not believing the op? She says he's stingy, his friends say he's stingy, so just believe her.

QueenOfTheCroneAge · 02/01/2019 07:23

I'd say 2nd hand too. As pps have said - nowt wrong with 2nd hand in good condition which your gift clearly isn't.

His reputation for being stingy appears well founded. I can't be doing with stingy partners. It really does filter into other areas of their personality and ruins the relationship.

GodknowsIwanttobreakfree · 02/01/2019 07:41

It could be a £1.99 primark special or something.

What’s his financial position? Can he afford pandora earrings? And what did you get for him?

QueenieIsLost · 02/01/2019 07:56

It’s embarrassing to have to cover for him when my family ask me what did he buy you for birthday/Xmas!

Who is it embarrassing to if you tell your family about the gift or no gift?
You for being with someone who is so stingy. Or him for being stingy and inconsiderate?
The way he is shouldn’t reflect on who you are. And if someone should feel mebarrassed, it’s him! (Also remembering that actually being out in am embarrassing position might give him the kick in the butt he clearly needs)

PandasAreCuteAnimals · 02/01/2019 08:01

Yes to asking him for the receipt as it's damaged

Ethel36 · 02/01/2019 08:16

Just tell him its damaged. So you l need the receipt.

SnuggyBuggy · 02/01/2019 08:22

Don't cover for his cheapness to your family and friends. That will just be a resentment that keeps on growing.

Jenasaurus · 02/01/2019 08:27

www.amazon.co.uk/MagiDeal-Lobster-Bracelets-Jewelry-Antique/dp/B0744Q2C18/ref=sr_1_36?s=jewelry&keywords=bronze+jewelry&tag=mumsnetforum-21&ie=UTF8&qid=1546417533&sr=1-36

Was the bronze bracelet like the one in the link, I wonder if he made it himself, in some ways that's sweet as it means he made an effort but on the other hand its pretty stingy