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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Boyfriend gave me tat Xmas present...AIBU?

119 replies

KikiB89 · 01/01/2019 23:34

After my boyfriend failed to give me anything for my birthday earlier this year (not even a card!) he stepped up this Christmas and gave me a bracelet amongst some other wee things.

When I first glanced at the bracelet I thought it was an odd choice to put silver charms on a bronze chain but ok. When I looked at it later I saw that the chain was badly tarnished and some of the diamantes from one of the charms were missing! I googled the brand and can only find their wholesale website and a few items on amazon but not this particular piece. However he doesn’t do online shopping (usually gets me to order on his behalf) so I’m beginning to question where on earth he even acquired it!

AIBU to mention it to him? I asked him for an inexpensive pair of earrings from pandora (we live close to one) and at first I was happy that he took initiative but now I really just wish he had got me what I asked for. We had a pretty big falling out over the birthday thing so I am hesitant to go down a similar road again.

OP posts:

ILoveAllRainbows · 03/01/2019 20:42

Perhaps he doesn't like buying presents. I don't like buying presents and so haven't done so for over 30 years.

I do not understand why he needs to buy you presents when he doesn't want to.

If you like buying presents then buy them but why do you insist he does too?

BlancheM · 03/01/2019 20:45

If he couldn't afford much then OP probably wouldn't be posting nor would she have asked him for specific earrings knowing they were out of his price range. It's not about money.

OP, he needs to get in the bin andtakehisbraceletwithhim

Wearywithteens · 03/01/2019 20:54

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Cheerbear23 · 03/01/2019 21:05

barefaced grabbers on here tonight. Dump him over a crap present? Behave!

It’s nit about being grabby though, He has form for being thoughtless!

Burratorchildhood · 03/01/2019 21:10

Why on Earth would you go online "tracking" the manufacturer? What exactly is the purpose in that.

Ummmm the OP is upset by the gift and has channelled the upset into an online search. Maybe she wants to be proved wrong or to confirm her worries. It clearly matters or the OP or she wouldn‘t have posted. There’s emotion and feeling attached to gifts - particularly when you’re in a relatively new relationship. I definitely think you should mention it OP though as if you do stay together it’s better he knows what type of present you like. It doesn’t have to be expensive - just the right sort of thing.

subspace · 03/01/2019 21:13

Definitely not grabby. If he'd have given her a poem he'd written, or a spotify playlist he'd curated for her it would be very different.

Vivianebrezilletbrooks · 03/01/2019 21:30

I'd be googling it if I were you.
Someone I knew whom wasn't necessarily a boyfriend but close on that level a few years back I had to force him to buy me a birthday present. I had to put the items on the counter and demand he bought me them. They weren't even expensive, £16 in total.
I guess at least you didn't have to force him but getting tat like that is actually worse.
Ask him if he can take it back to get it repaired. See his reaction.
Check the cheapo jewellery sold for 50p etc on ebay and Ali Express, the really cheap stuff shipped from China etc.
If it was me I'd have thrown it back in his face as soon as I realised how damaged it was. YANBU!

Frazzledmum123 · 03/01/2019 23:21

'Its the thoughtlessness of it' right because getting a gift you have been told by the recipient to get requires much more thought! Perhaps he did put thought into it, maybe he heard the jewellery part and thought he'd pick something himself? I've bought jewellery from next before that the stone have fallen out of, doesn't mean it's second hand. Maybe it's something he genuinely thought she'd like. She doesn't so suddenly it is tat? I mean maybe it is crap and he put no thought into it but assuming that straight away because he didnt do as he was told and get the earrings she picked is a bit harsh, he may just be crap at choosing jewellery but wanted to make the effort this time.

cheval · 03/01/2019 23:22

If he’s normally a good partner, I would forgive. I’m also fairly rubbish at choosing presents.

Claudia1980 · 03/01/2019 23:41

No thought from him whatsoever Re the birthday or this gift. Tell him you are quite upset about it. Just be honest from the start. If he doesn’t get it, it’s not a good sign really.

Zahrakhan27 · 04/01/2019 00:01

Hope your okay 💐💐 and resolve the matter. Speak to him and be honest otherwise it will eat away at you.

ILoveAllRainbows · 04/01/2019 09:43

It’s nit about being grabby though, He has form for being thoughtless!
Cheerbear23

I don't buy cards or presents. Does that make me thoughtless?

Why should he buy cards and presents if he doesn't want to? Just because society says it's the done thing?

He should be able to decide for himself if he wants to buy cards and presents.

Bobbybear10 · 04/01/2019 09:50

OP are you sure it wasn’t an expensive handmade bracelet that was made to look ‘antique’ or something? (Giving him the benefit of the doubt)
Can you post a picture of the bracelet? You never know one of us might see it and realise it’s a terribly old heirloom!

LoadOfUtterBoswellocks · 04/01/2019 09:58

Buying something cheap isn't so much the problem. It's buying something that's falling apart in a "that'll do" spirit that I would find hurtful. I think I would be hurt by someone thinking of me in a "that'll do" kind of way.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 04/01/2019 09:58

Last Xmas he gave me a pricey gift and I gave him a few thoughtful bits but didn’t spend over £100 as we hadn’t been together long. I made up for it this year!

He isn't stingy if he spent way more than you last year. You can't have it both ways.

Jayfee · 04/01/2019 17:04

If I had left my boyfriend over crap gifts I wouldn't be married to him, my soul mate and the kindest person ever, for 30 years!

FatandSassy · 05/01/2019 12:59

Are there any updates from OP? Did you mention present to bf yet?

Kate0902900908 · 05/01/2019 13:57

My mother always told us ( 3 daughters ) marry a poor man but never ever a stingy or tight one.

Honestly if I had revived what can only be discribed as a second hand items of costume jewellery I would have said this isn’t the relationship I want to be in. It’s not about the money it’s anout the effort.

josbd · 06/01/2019 00:55

imo, this man is spectacularly thoughtless, and is treating you with very little thought and far less care than you deserve. If he had been aware of how damaged the bracelet was, surely he would have apologised, saying "this is not what I should like you to have and I will replace it as soon as I can" At the least he could say it had arrived badly damaged, etc"

Since he appears to be pretty piss poor at showing even the most basic care, and if it were me, I am afraid I would have to say "I do not deserve to be treated with such scant regard, and contempt (that is the way I see it anyway),, so on your bike mate"

How will he treat you a few years further on?

Please: you deserve some respect. Dump.

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