Food addiction ruining my life

[EatingIssue]

My eating is out of control. I tipped the scales at 20st today. I suffer with stomach problems and even eat through insufferable pain and eat things that will have a dreadful effect on me and make me violently ill. The. I will eat it again. There are wrappers all around my bed shoved down the sides, hidden in my glove box. My knees hurt and I don’t recognize myself to the point it’s actually frightening and upsetting sometimes catching the reflection of the real me. Not to mention having nothing in the way of a life as I have pushed everyone away from me because of my embarrassment. I almost wish it was drug addiction because it’s less taboo and there seems to be help. I have no access to healthcare for this, be it therapy or weight loss surgery which I wouldn’t do anyway as I would just eat my way back to this as it’s obvious a deeper internal issue I’m guessing due to the compulsiveness of it and how I know I’m ruining my life and body but can’t stop.

As I don’t have access to healthcare can anyone please advice me how I can beat this myself? I get bursts of hope that I might one day get out if this hole so I don’t feel like a total lost cause. It goes back to my childhood, secret eating but at various stages of my life I’ve kept a semi normal weight. I’ve had long spells where I’ve been relatively normal but I don’t know where to start or how to get any semblance of normal back.
I would really appreciate any input at all. Thank you.

After 8 yrs of yo-yo dieting I was 17st 9.

I have lost and regained the same 5 stone three times.

In September last year my GP referred me to the Bariatric service.
I attended 6 months of dietary and psychological education.

I started to read the science around obesity. Not from the diet industry who make millions out of our constant pointless diets but from University College London's centre for obesity research.

The statistical reality is horrific.

1:240 women will succeed in dieting from a BMI of 35 back to a healthy weight.
Only 1 : 644 women with a BMI of 40 and above will achieve this.

Of this tiny tiny percentage . 78% will put it all back on + 20% more within five years. This is depressing but factually accurate.

I read up on bariatric surgery. The pros and the cons. The scientific reality meant that I had a much much higher chance of dying young from a stroke or heart disease than I would from the operation.
The NHS pathway has excellent long term sustained weight loss over five, ten and fifteen years.

I had a Sleeve gastrectomy on the 4th Dec. I now way 15 stone 6 and can walk without pain. I walk 6km a day now. 4 weeks ago I couldn't walk 50 steps without having a rest.

I am off the diet merry go round and wish I had done this 5 yrs ago. There is a tool out there that can help.
If your BMI is over 35 and you have a condition that is affected by your obesity, blood pressure,arthritis/ joint pain, sleep apnea etc. OR a BMI over 40 WhyDontYouComeOnOver then you need to go back to your GP and make a formal request to be referred to a Bariatric Tier3 program. It is your right.

I've suffered from bulimia in the past and still do struggled with it, although nowhere near as bad as it used to be.

I remember being told that I need to find something to distract me that involved using my hands, so building a model, a jigsaw, knitting. I have taken up sewing and have to admit it's a great way to stop me binge eating as I am so engrossed in what I am doing, 5 hours can easily slip by without me noticing.

When I get craving I suck on some strong mints which helps a bit, I know it won't always work but sometimes it does.

Im not sure if your the same but I find when Im going through a really bad phase with the bulimia, I don't take care of myself. I don't look after my appearance as much, I don't clean my house as much and I generally mope about because I feel so miserable about what I`m doing. Sometimes just blitzing everything and making things around me tidy does help make me feel better. Having a nice bath or putting a face mask can help motivate me a bit.

I know those suggestions are really small ones but they may help eventually. It's an addiction like any other, so be gentle with yourself. Even setting small targets is useful and then gradually build them up.

Million I’m watching some of his vids now. I’ve definitely felt the most in control while I’ve been in ketosis in the past so the science definitely makes sense to me. This does go beyond any sort of hunger though and I’ve always gone back to my old ways after.

Snoz I absolutely love those posts, they rev me right up and you are so right! God life is hard enough, finances are tight enough without me spending unspeakable amounts on food.
And I want it more than anything else in the world which is the most crazy part!

Fontonoknowledge.

That was really insightful and I think really excellent advice.

Oh lots and lots of X posts sorry going to read now!

That's really kind of you, OP, but I don't have the flair that others do. I've really learned so much on this thread. MillionScarletRoses and Fontofnoknowledge (what a misnomer!) have posted some real food (pardon the pun) for thought. I'd never thought about cell activity like that but it makes perfect sense.

I've also been thinking about what Snoz and Rayne22 have posted and something occurred to me. I have a tendency (read unbreakable penchant into that) for 'keeping things for best'. I have clothes in every size but, even when I fitted into them (in every size), I didn't wear them as I was keeping them for best. I'm determined that this is the year that I will wear/use/love everything that I own and, if I don't, I will get rid of it. There will be no more 'keep it for best' now, I'm an adult woman and now is best.

Even stationery... beautiful notebooks, I don't use them. Keeping them (for what?).

What's the point of having lovely things if I don't wear/use them? Why do I think I'm not worth it right now? I know I am, I just need to translate that into action and get rid of this notion of 'perfection' as that's where the problem is, I think... 'perfect diet', 'perfect body', 'perfect day'.. it's all damaging nonsense.

Sorry for the rambling.

Something I read and was dubious about, but for me works, is when you feel like something sweet eat a handful of natural (unsalted) almonds. Something in the almonds stops the sweet cravings. I have a packet on my desk at work and if I really want something sweet, eat a handful and the craving goes away.

I hear you OP.

NHS options where I am are shit as well and work on similar approaches to diet clubs.

Try following r/loseit on Reddit and get advice from the wisdom of crowds. It helped me lose a third of my body weight.

You have to use that fancy notebook from today.
I right lists.
I have lists that refer me to other lists.
But I can't function without my lists!
I stroke everything off as it's done. Anything not done, goes on tomorrow's list.
I then have another sort of I don't know what you'd call it list, where I am kind to myself. And one of the things I've had to write on that is that, if I haven't achieved everything perfectly, tomorrow is a new day and the end is not nigh.
I catastrophize. I have blace and white thinking. But I can fucking beat those assholes. Lol

I have a lovely aunt, and I often say to myself 'What would Mary do?'
And I find the answer.

write not right. Dopey moment.

www.theguardian.com/society/2019/jan/05/truth-obesity-five-fat-myths-debunked

This article in today's Guardian while not addressing all of the the OP's particular concerns, seems very sensible.

Million I’m watching some of his vids now. I’ve definitely felt the most in control while I’ve been in ketosis in the past so the science definitely makes sense to me. This does go beyond any sort of hunger though and I’ve always gone back to my old ways after.

The trick though is there is no after. This is precisely why Butter Bob is still the size he is, 2 years on, instead of rolling back where he used to be, with 20% extra weight, like the overwhelming majority of dieters. This is not a diet!!! You are listening to your body and you are giving it good stuff it needs, always, forever in a day.

And it is not about what you can’t have. You can have anything, in any quantities! You want to give your body the awesome fuel it deserves, and it’s not chocolate cake. Because chocolate cake is rubbish, factually speaking, and because it will send you in a downward spiral back to the dark place you worked so hard to get out of. No poxy bit of cake is worth it.

Look after yourself, you are worthy at any weight as the PP rightfully observed. You have value. Treat your body with love and respect and it will reciprocate.

Please please ditch this diet mindset. We aren’t interested in diets, it is not short-term, it is for keeps, looking after yourself. Because you deserve it.

Fron the Gurdian cites upthread: Several studies have shown that carriers of so-called obesity genes consume on average 125-280 kcal a day more and have no differences in their metabolic rates. To say that some children have a genetic propensity towards obesity means only that they have an inherently larger appetite than naturally slim children, who feel hungry less often.

Talk about the blooming obvious here. I am the one with a ‘naturally high appetite’. The million dollar question is why is it high naturally? I don’t want it to be high, never did. I wanted to be normal and not to have to depend on food. It is almost impossible to live your life permanently hungry. I couldn’t concentrate or function, generally, if I was hungry. It was literally ruling my life. I had to be reasonably full or I will get nothing done. What kind of superhuman willpower did I need to possess to ignore the ever present hunger? How can one be expected to live while always starving? How long for? For ever? Do these people not deserve better than to be always starving? This just smacks of ignorance and contempt. It is actually torturous to live like that. I didn’t ask for a ‘naturally high appetite’. Don’t want it, thanks.

The reality is my genes come from maternal side of the family and my maternal Nan actually developed type 2 diabetes as a result of the naturally high appetite we have all been ‘blessed’ with. The reality is I was born with tendency towards insulin resistance. This is why I ate any food I could get my hands on as a child. This is why I was always ‘thick set’ even as an adolescent. This is why I put it all back on in no time after a ‘diet’ has finished. Reading about insulin response was a lightbulb moment for me. If all fell into place. My appetite, my cravings, my love for baked goods, my inability to go more than 3 hours without food, it all suddenly made sense.

Now I am aware what triggers insulin response, I can do something to help myself rather than live a life of hunger torture. I now know why I experience the things I experience. Why eating sweets will make me immediately ravenous, even if I had a meal not so long ago.

I now am working on reducing my dependency on sugar highs and lows. I will ALWAYS have to do it, this is the way I am. Some lucky people don’t have insulin resistance and can shove sweets down their throat with no consequences. I have immediate punishment if I do. Unfair? Maybe, but that’s the way it is.

I bit of support and understanding and education rather berating people with a tendency to put on weight for their ‘naturally high appetites’ they didn’t choose, would be a much more effective approach. Help them help themselves, educate them, support them as it is hard. And no, it is not a simple question of willpower.

The more I think about that Guardian article, the more cross I get. The author listed 5 myths where exercise and restricting calories came up at the top and the genes and naturally high appetite at the bottom. This is absolutely the wrong way around. This is exactly why people with weight problems fail repeatedly, they lose weight through diet and exercise and put it straight back on as soon as they slack off. It feels hopeless, defeatist.

Now take a person who has never had a weight problem. They don’t bother exercising, they eat whatever, any old rubbish. And they do not put on weight! Because eating too much or not exercising is not the cause of obesity. If they were, we won’t have the situation where two people have the same meal, one burns it off, the othe one stores it as fat. Big appetite is a symptom, too much body fat is a visible symptom, lower activity levels are a consequence. None of these cause obesity! It is a metabolic problem and you can’t hold the poor sufferer responsible for it. They didn’t cause it.

This is what annoys me when all these PT go on about diet and exercise. Yes, you may lose weight short term. How long can you keep the punishing exercise regime and severe calory restriction for? Not for too long, as vast experience shows. The problem is keeping the weight off. That’s the moment of truth. As soon as you stop your mad exercising efforts, the weight’s back! Because exercise and cutting calories is not a solution to obesity problem. Short term weight loss yes, it’s brilliant for that, but not solving obesity. You are treating the symptom (too much fat) without addressing the cause - the ‘naturally high appetite’ and permanent fat storing mode the body is in caused by high insulin levels. Until you actually address the cause, you have little chance of lasting success. If the person is fighting the symptoms without dealing with the cause, they are but setting themselves up to fail.

It is most unfair to lay blame for their health condition at the obese person’s feet. They didn’t choose to be insulin resistant, to have the draconian appetite and for their body to store every last bit of their meal as fat even if that meal is salad. It is the same as blaming a person born with a heart defect for their health problem. Maybe if they exercised more and watched their calory intake, their heart defect will be cured. Mad? Just as mad to blame the obese for the way their body works. Help them work with it, support them, give them the tools to keep their condition (insulin resistance) at bay. Only then do we have any chance of success.

Ladies, please don’t blame yourselves for something you haven’t done or had no say over. Love yourselves, look after yourselves, treat your propensity to gain weight as a health condition it is. It is not your laziness, or gluttony or whatever rubbish the society will have you believe. Otherwise all lazy people will be fat (and they are not) and all people who eat cake will be corpulent (and they are certainly not).

Happy New Year to everyone. Let it be a year we love ourselves and take care of ourselves💐