Food addiction ruining my life

[EatingIssue]

My eating is out of control. I tipped the scales at 20st today. I suffer with stomach problems and even eat through insufferable pain and eat things that will have a dreadful effect on me and make me violently ill. The. I will eat it again. There are wrappers all around my bed shoved down the sides, hidden in my glove box. My knees hurt and I don’t recognize myself to the point it’s actually frightening and upsetting sometimes catching the reflection of the real me. Not to mention having nothing in the way of a life as I have pushed everyone away from me because of my embarrassment. I almost wish it was drug addiction because it’s less taboo and there seems to be help. I have no access to healthcare for this, be it therapy or weight loss surgery which I wouldn’t do anyway as I would just eat my way back to this as it’s obvious a deeper internal issue I’m guessing due to the compulsiveness of it and how I know I’m ruining my life and body but can’t stop.

As I don’t have access to healthcare can anyone please advice me how I can beat this myself? I get bursts of hope that I might one day get out if this hole so I don’t feel like a total lost cause. It goes back to my childhood, secret eating but at various stages of my life I’ve kept a semi normal weight. I’ve had long spells where I’ve been relatively normal but I don’t know where to start or how to get any semblance of normal back.
I would really appreciate any input at all. Thank you.

Greysheet worked for me. It’s structured three meals a day life in between. There are American phone bridge meetings and very motivation.

Plan is something like:

Breakfast: 4 Oz of protein and a piece of fruit.

Lunch: 4 Oz protein, 8 Oz of salad and 8 Oz of veg or you can have another 8 Oz of salad. 0.5 0z fat

Dinner: 4 Oz protein 12 0z of salad and 8 Oz of vegetable or further salad. 1 0z of fat.

Black tea, coffee, herbal tea and diet drinks in between ok.

Very black and white and a lot of support. Shares and information online

I also found OA helpful

I had surgery in the end. 6 years ago. I self funded and for me it was the best thing I could have done.

I was a binger and tried everything mentioned here.

Good luck whatever you decide to do

I could have written this post myself, so I'm following with interest of the advice but also to offer a sympathetic ear because I can totally relate.
I tend to eat at night when my DC have gone to bed. This is something I am working on to avoid and trying to find something else to do instead. I have just tried on a costume for a show I'm going to and seeing myself in it has made me rethink the cherry bakewell I was going to eat. I know that's probably not helpful to you, but could you give yourself a goal? I will fit in these smaller pants by [date]?

Try reading brain over binge! It helped me x

@Troubled
Oh FFS get over yourself.

I have been through the exact same thing and still am. Ultimately someone makes the decision to open their mouth and put food.
I hate myself on a daily basis and have zero self esteem. I eat BECAUSE of my self loathing and depression. But I know that it is ME who makes that conscious decision to buy and eat crap so fuck off with your This is a really unkind comment, you should be ashamed of yourself I already am ashamed of myself. I have had professional help but also realise I have to help myself to. I know how bloody hard it is but yes, in the end it IS will power that has to kick in

Hypnotherapy did nothing for me except part me from my cash. Probably because I eat my feelings rather than have an addiction to eg Diet Coke (it worked brilliantly for a friend who drank her own body weight in sodas every day)

Brain over binge was a nice read but nothing more.

The only thing that vaguely worked in the past was OA - there are virtual and also phone meetings. Some people are the culty sort, but you don't have to buy into that.

It's shit, OP

Im completely with Troubled. Im not far off your weight and gwt panicky about it.

I know that I have cptsd from childhood abuse and pretty sure this has arrisen from that so i will seek counselling. However would love to hear how you dealt with the eating. Did you make rules? Im scared as i know diets dont work, but also know i need guidelines to eat better, whilst recognising the earing disorder.

Would love to hear more of what steps you took.

I can understand every viewpoint. There was a time I wondered how people “allowed” themselves to get so big, wondered how you could see 15st, 16st 17st etc sailing past you on the scales and keep eating. Not in a horrible way but it just seemed so extreme and now here I am.

I don’t really know why I eat. It doesn’t feel good and hurts a lot due to my revolting food choices. It’s like self harm.
Whenever I have hope, someone suggests a new thing or I device a new plan of action etc, I feel so positive and motivated.

The shame I feel even just leaving my house, hoofing myself up off the sofa and in and out of the car. I can’t believe I’m exiting as such a self loathing person!

You mentioned drug addicts getting support. Someone I knew used to go to addiction meetings, there were people with drink, drug, food and other issues. She found it helped her with her food issues

OP, has this been a lifetime struggle or is it a recent weight gain?

It’s a lifelong struggle but I’ve gained 4st in the past year. Can’t believe I’m saying that

When did you start eating in a problematic way? Can you remember a time?

It goes right back to childhood. I always had wrappers stuffed behind my bed but I was very active so didn’t put as much weight on as I should have. In my adult years I would take laxatives/severely restrict to maintain my overweight but not morbidly obese weight.

And now I just don’t bother (laxatives etc) so I’m literally blowing up.

Did anything happen in childhood? You don’t have to say, just any loss or trauma you can remember?

OP, do you know why you eat? It sounds as if it may be a coping mechanism for something. Finding out what that ‘something’ is and getting support for that could be a good starting point.

This

I’ve lost nearly 5 and half stone in the past year and this is what I have pinpointed as the main way to lose weight. Slimming World, weight watchers, 5:2 etc all do the same thing. Restrict the calories being consumed. You need to tackle the reasons why you want to consume so many calories. As an over-eater we eat because we are bored, because we are sad, because we are happy, because we are celebrating. You need to learn that you can cope and deal with all these situations without food.

I wish I could give you a magic wand to cure yourself but I’m still looking for that wand for myself. But set small steps and each time you achieve them you will have the confidence to aim for the next step. As a foodie I always think of the saying, how do you eat an elephant- one bite at a time.

Can you find a way to start exercising?

I’m just the same OP, and I’m certain it’s an addiction, so doesn’t entirely come down to willpower.
I sometimes eat without really knowing I’m doing it, it’s such an unconscious way to stave off anxiety and feelings of self-loathing, although at the same time making the problem worse.

The only way that works for me (and even then it’s so easy to get back into eating far too much) is Keto/low carbing. I think I may have to approach this in a way that an alcoholic does and never have treat days, because even having a Malteser can set me off on a mindless binge which can last weeks or months before I can rein it all in again.

I’m currently having some therapy sessions which seem to be helping to make sense of things, and I have made several life changes which have improved the way I feel about myself.
I find being on supportive FB groups helpful too.

im sorry that my post on this thread was very short earlier, i was in between chores and i shouldnt have been on mumsnet, but wanted to show some support, i completely sympathise with you, Ive been there, and am currently only feeling better because today was especially good and I didnt feel that food was in control of me.

I notice up the thread that someone mentioned exante, and all I will say, is if you start strong, and you are prepared for the headache (i always take painkillers with my first bottle of water of the day) having to drink loads, and the hunger for the first few days before you get into ketosis, its an amazing diet. I have been on it (managed to shift almost two stone and fell off- i do actually intend on getting back on it in a few days) but i found the simplicity, the fact that none of the food is that enjoyable and is in handy little portions that i couldnt over eat. it really helped me, but i was ripped to shreds by a food addiction group for saying to people, hey this is working for me, has anyone else found similar? but id also like to tell you, if you go on exante, keep well away from the carbonara. it was like vanilla pasta that smelt like feet...which actually sounds far more appetising than that god awful "food" they also have some excellent groups on facebook for those on it, try the 100lb club, its a group specifically for people who have 100lb plus to lose.

Blood Sugar Diet is not a faddy diet, it's a proven medical way to reverse type 2 diabetes with serious university research behind it. It also deals with the addiction issues because, OP, you're right, low-carb does give you much more control. Carbs make you crave more carbs. Cutting down significantly on carbs minimises/removes cravings and therefore helps deal with the addictive-ness. And almost as a side-effect, it leads to significant weight loss.

Please try it, OP. It's less than £10 for the book and that's all you need.

I used to have issues with bingeing and I didn’t think I would ever escape from that cycle. The things that have helped me were becoming more confident and happy at work (which boosted my self esteem). Exercising more which has also lifted my moods and helped my self esteem. I did the Couch to 5k app and it was just brilliant. And finally I have been forced to give up dairy and eggs because of a recent onset of an allergy. This has actually taken most of the things I used to binge on (biscuits, milkshakes, ice cream, pastries etc) away. Most of the things I can eat now, I can tolerate but I don’t enjoy them that much so I don’t have the urge to binge on them. And finally the cycle has been broken and I am no longer obsessing about food. I had so many little routines set up around my food obsessions - if the fire alarm went off at work, I would sneak off to get a milkshake with whipped cream every time (for example) but now I can’t have milk, I just stand outside with everyone else and wait to go back in. If I went to the airport I had to have a milkshake, but now I just browse the books in Smiths. I could go on, but what I am trying to illustrate is that with my main bingeing foods no longer being an option I have stopped associating situations and experiences with food and have therefore been able to stop obsessing over it. I just feel so lucky I got these allergies (which were brought on my doing too many protein shakes by the way) as it has changed my life for the better.

Another self help book is called the Gabriel method. He was grossly obese and had tried every diet going. He works on tackling the feelings that make people overeat.Well know in the states but maybe not so much over here. Lots of videos on YouTube and a book on amazon. He does online seminars as a taster to sell his courses but they often have good info. Best of luck I hope you can get some help to feel better.

Brain over binge book did not work for me. In fact, most books I've read don't really have a big enough impact.
What did have an impact was reading about sugar and carb addiction, reading about the chemicals the government allow these food companies to put in our food. I also started to just resist and tell myself no. I was kicking myself and that biscuit I'd decided to put off eating was on my mind all night. But I've recognised my triggers which are chocolate, biscuits and cereal (all sugar) so I try to keep away from them because it is never just 1. I could sit through a full pack of biscuits and a full pack of pringles no problem but the self loathing was tipping me over the edge so just educating myself has helped. I would consider myself on the wagon at the moment but food addiction or mental health tangled up with food issues is lifelong for me.
Good luck, go easy on yourself x

I'm creeping towards the same weight. My partner has put several stone back on since we got together as well. He lost eight before we met.

The majority of my life, I've overeaten badly. But there have been a few dips where I've gone completely the opposite and starved myself and lost a lot of weight. It also made me very ill.

I asked for help. Confiding in GPs is ridiculous because I've had no help at all.

I confided in the last psychiatrist I had, and he scorned me - added it to the list of 'ridiculous ott things' I came out with.

I can't exercise, I'm disabled. My getting extremely ill from my condition, and further as a result of a silly accident, means I've spent two years as a recluse almost, just eating and laying around.

I'm huge.

I have little advice but you're not alone. I've always sought comfort in food and Freud would call me 'orally fixated' - I was a thumb sucker, a nail biter, and always eating.

I have an exercise bike and I'm planning to use it carefully. Slowly.

Op I have similar tendancies. If you are an addict you have to accept complete powerlessness.

You can not go into certain situations so at first you have to adapt your whole life. I would completely stop going to the supermarket altogether. I would order online fruit, vedge and meats ect.

I would also remove all packaging and junk food from your house.

The feelings making you want to self harm are anxiety, hopeless and loneliness? You need to deal with these physically painful feelings in a new way. Do you speak to anyone at the moment?

If you are very overweight hormonally your body will be craving food more than anything. I would allow yourself a schedule of when to eat. When you are not full do you feel anxiety? It's a physiological reaction to needing to feel pain. While your conscious is concentrating on fullness it takes your mind of other things. Also physical harm, just like cutting ect heightens pain so it gives you a release.

There are so many aspects but the first is to do ONE day. It is possible.

The trouble is without food all your other problems might come into full view. You need to talk to someone about this op. Sending you hugs.

OP, I’m really sorry you are going through this. I’ve been through patches of disordered eating and it’s miserable. From my experience, emotional eating is not really about the food itself, so as an alternative to the diet/willpower school of thought I would suggest you check out professionals with a non-diet approach as well as looking into counselling.
Laura Thomas (a nutritionist) has a podcast which is great - this episode talks about food addiction; www.laurathomasphd.co.uk/podcast/ep70-body-image-self-compassion-food-addiction-w-marci-evans-marci-rd/