Food addiction ruining my life

[EatingIssue]

My eating is out of control. I tipped the scales at 20st today. I suffer with stomach problems and even eat through insufferable pain and eat things that will have a dreadful effect on me and make me violently ill. The. I will eat it again. There are wrappers all around my bed shoved down the sides, hidden in my glove box. My knees hurt and I don’t recognize myself to the point it’s actually frightening and upsetting sometimes catching the reflection of the real me. Not to mention having nothing in the way of a life as I have pushed everyone away from me because of my embarrassment. I almost wish it was drug addiction because it’s less taboo and there seems to be help. I have no access to healthcare for this, be it therapy or weight loss surgery which I wouldn’t do anyway as I would just eat my way back to this as it’s obvious a deeper internal issue I’m guessing due to the compulsiveness of it and how I know I’m ruining my life and body but can’t stop.

As I don’t have access to healthcare can anyone please advice me how I can beat this myself? I get bursts of hope that I might one day get out if this hole so I don’t feel like a total lost cause. It goes back to my childhood, secret eating but at various stages of my life I’ve kept a semi normal weight. I’ve had long spells where I’ve been relatively normal but I don’t know where to start or how to get any semblance of normal back.
I would really appreciate any input at all. Thank you.

Sorry to hear your situation. You may not realise but you made a hugely positive step this evening by writing your post. You've recognised you have a problem, you understand some of the reasons and you want to do something about it.

Wishing you a positive start to 2019

Overeaters Anonymous is absolutely shit. Full of religious culty weirdos.

Wow! That's not my experience AT ALL. Sounds like you found a dodgy group - it happens everywhere, no? Doesn't mean the entire thing is rubbish.

It's painful to read your experiences with food op because I can totally relate and have heard endless stories of the same awful suffering. It really is the very worst - utter utter despair.

As mentioned above, I found the answer in 12 step which is absolutely brilliant. YOu have to give it a chance to see what it's actually about - they suggest you come to 6 meetings before making a decision. I have experienced sobriety, something I never thought I could. It's hard to work out how 12 step works but it really does.

It took quite a few years/decades to get to the point where I finally saw I am a food addict. ONe of the books that helped along the way - though I still didn't quite get it lol - is Why Can't I Stop Eating? Recognizing, Understanding and Overcoming Food Addiction. At least I was able to understand food addiction and how it has zero to do with willpower. It's an eating disorder - you wouldn't tell an anorexic it's a case of willpower; no different for an overeater. It's all eating disorders. People assume compulsive overeating is greed

I've done FA (Food Addicts Anonymous) which is 12 step and VERY structured. I'm grateful for what I learned there. I'm currently going to OA, also 12 step, which is more gentle. Horses for courses. It is sobriety I'm looking for: peace from the hell of food addiction. I've personally found it in 12 step and I am so grateful.

Lovely post dbank.

I can’t thank you all enough for your tips and sharing your own stories.

I had a pretty unpleasant upbringing but I didn’t think it had caused any lasting damage (says the 20stone reclusive food addict ) there was no sexual abuse and I’m open and over it. Don’t feel I have unresolved issues but the proof is saying otherwise I suppose.

I have such an addictive personality I just wish I could get addicted to a healthy lifestyle.
I have set the alarm for early and laid out clothes to jump up and get out for a walk with some music to start the day off with fresh air and positivity.

All your motivational and kind words are exactly the gentle kick I needed to try grab the reigns.

I can’t believe others can even remotely relate. Is there a thread for “our type” and maybe we can spur each other on?

I was thinking we need a thread. So happy your going to have a walk tomorrow.

OP, I wonder if you would consider what I did. I was a lifelong binge eater yoyo dieter from teen to 50+. Stopped eating the foods I was addicted to in March 2016 at 18stone (sugars/sweet tastes grains/breads, starchy foods) after reading the book "Why We Get Fat" by Gary Taubes, just for 1 month to see if I could cope.

Got lots of info, support, advice from dietdoctor.com to get started with planning menus. Never looked back as Low Carb Healthy Fat suited me (no hunger or cravings or desire to binge eat with this way of eating). Do some research and have a think about whether you'd like to give it a go.

I still do it to this day, maintaining 100lb fat loss, weigh less than 11 stone, waist 30". Never beloved it would work but it seems that once I stopped eating the foods I was addicted to, I stopped eating addictively. I now eat to live rather than live to eat.

Another mantra I believe is "1 is too many, 100 isn't enough" relating to eating sweet stuff and breads. Is that your downfall too, OP?

GoldenKelpie that's incredible! Not only the weight loss but the whole lifestyle change! I can't say I've really known anyone in real life who has successfully achieved long term change like that. I have tried moderators much and I usually don't last until lunchtime so I love the idea of saying farewell forever in some ways but it terrifies me in others!

I got out of bed to go through the presses and open and empty the rest of the junk into the bin, I know it's a horrible waste though there wasn't much but I can't risk it throwing me off tomorrow.

I've downloaded a few crossword apps and rooted out a big 1000 piece jigsaw to distract me tomorrow, I'm going to treat it like an actual addiction.

Thank you all so so much!

weightwatchers app is £12 a month. Oprah just bought WW.

This gives you lots of support and info.

I know it sounds like a naff tip from someone who doesn’t have a clue, but I suffered with the most horrific binge eating disorder until a few months ago - i consider myself in recovery, but not yet recovered. Anyway, when I get the “itch” to overeat or self-punish with food I make a mug of herbal tea. It’s warm and calming and sipping at it gives your mouth and hands something to do, and it dulls the agitation and disquiet which tends to precede binge episodes.

(Not that this is a cure, but it’s a small, day-to-day act of self-kindness)

I am exactly the same as Goldenkelpie and have had to totally cut out bread, potatoes and rice, and sugar too to a large extent. Bread seems to trigger violent sugar cravings in me so it is interesting to see someone else has similar issues.

This book was recommended on another thread. It's quite interesting and for me helpful. There is probably something in it for everyone. www.amazon.co.uk/Adult-Children-Secrets-Dysfunctional-Families/dp/0932194532/ref=sr_1_4_twi_pap_3?s=books&keywords=john+friel&tag=mumsnetforum-21&ie=UTF8&qid=1546408743&sr=1-4

The previous poster that mentioned being your own friend is right OP. I agree it is a very very complex issue. Sorting this begins with deciding that you are worth sorting out as a person. MN is anonymous so tell us anything and everything that you think might be relevant regarding the 'why' of this. It might act as a cathartic vent for you to see something you have not seen hitherto and really help you.
I have found the advice of 'Butter' Bob Briggs on YT helpful. I have found that if I get a craving I wait 20 minutes and fill that time with tidying or cleaning. Then use mouthwash or clean my teeth. I then no longer have the craving 9/10. I also know that cravings are related to blood sugar and carbs give me a spike and then a low. If I avoid the spike I avoid the low and thus the craving.
Learning masses about blood sugar/insulin/digestion/leptin/ghrelin has made me more aware and interested and helped me become my own friend for want of a better way of putting it.

Why do you not have access to healthcare (sorry if you have explained, I've not read every post)? This sounds like a real healthcare problem, even here in the UK with our stretched NHS you would be taken seriously and helped.

Good luck .

I was wondering about the healthcare too. Are you not in the UK or here illegally / non EU?

OP - you have an eating disorder for which you need medical help (if available).

Talking therapy first line of treatment.

Plus I think that certain anti depressants may help for binge eating disorder as it's though that it may have the same biological link to conditions such as anxiety and depression. But a doctor could advise.

Look up food freedom on fb and online. There's loads of workshops and support pages based around emotional eating and binging.

I am also a binge eater and I recognise the "eating even through stomach pain" that you mentioned. I have gained 3 stone and it needs to stop! I am hoping to stop counting and start being healthy instead! I sort of rebel against diets, I don't like rules lol

even here in the UK with our stretched NHS you would be taken seriously and helped

Nope. Not the case. I have a BMI of 48, have seen my GP over 10 times with this issue, begged for help and been given a list of healthy foods and told there is nothing more they can help with. It's taken me two and a half years to get CBT for severe PTSD which I've been confined to the house for over a year with.

The NHS is absolutely appalling when it comes to mental health.

You're description of your life mirrors mine completely. It's a horrible way to be.

Any illness or ailment I have, my weight is focused on, even if irrelevant. My family constantly comment. I'm an isolated sahm and just eat, eat, eat. All of this makes me feel worse. I eat foods like you that give me stomach pain, heartburn etc and I still eat through it. 8 don't eat meals, just snack all day. I don't drink or smoke.

I don't even know why I have this problem. The only thing I can think of is we never had treats at home, or take aways etc. When i Ieft home and my hubby and I realised we could buy and eat whatever we wanted we went abit crazy and it escalated from there.

I eat junk food constantly, no proper food. I struggle with diets because I hate all the food. I literally gag when trying to eat it. So I can't sustain it. I hate milkshakes so the meal replacement diets are no good.

Ive had counselling, been referred to a dietician, Wright watchers free membership, and gym membership, and orlistat weight loss tablets from the gp, none of which have helped at all because I feel patronised, they talk to you as if your stupid and my compulsion to eat the stuff remains the same. Just like any other addict or eating disorder.

I have no advice but just letting you know your not alone in this problem. Good luck xx

Maybe there is the occasional exception to the rule, but the NHS are overwhelmingly only bothered about treating anyone for an eating disorder if their BMI is very low

Overeaters Anon was good for me. No culty weirdos in the groups I went to (dozens of meeting groups, for 2 yrs).

It is a specific programme which I needed to leave in the end, but it also saved me.

I second Brain over Bibge and the Brain Over Binge Recovery Guide. They will help you work out exactly why you bibge and give you the keys to stopping. Read the reviews online to see just how many people they have helped. Good luck

Sorry to hear about your addiction OP. Addictions need to be cured at the root. Your overeating is a symptom of a core issue. Until you uncover what these issues are, you'll find the 'willpower' strategy will not work. So to do that, you could read relevant books (starting with In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts, Gabor Mate) but a more effective solution would be a therapist. You say you have no access to the NHS (overseas?) but you can still access excellent English speaking therapists online now. Keep holding on to that remembered feeling of hope. It will keep you afloat. It is possible to overcome your addiction with the right support.

Hi OP,
I can totally identify with everything you have written. I spent about 40 years on massive binge cycles. Although there were periods where I successfully lost weight, exercised and looked and felt good, I always felt like I was holding back a torrent, which would flood open at some point and I'd be back to bingeing. I carried a lot of self loathing about my inability to control what I ate, and the person I saw as repulsive on the few occasions I looked in a mirror. I tried absolutely everything over the years, but my habits were very deeply ingrained. I remember constantly craving food as a child and regularly stealing it (I had an emotionally abusive childhood).
There are lots of great approaches suggested here by some lovely supportive people. I do believe that there is a mental key that clicks for us and it's different for everyone. I came on to tell you about what worked for me, and I hope you find it helpful.
I read a book called Eating Less by Gillian Riley. I subsequently attended one of her seminars, and have followed that up with an online seminar and some Skype sessions with her. Her's is not a weight loss method. You are actively discouraged from focusing on this symptom of the illness that is food addiction. Using her techniques I can frame my food decisions around my choice, motivation and knowledge of my addictive desire. It takes work and time, but I no longer carry around the shame and self loathing caused by my out of control food addiction. I feel so much lighter and happier.
There is a weight loss side effect of course, but it's not the main benefit.
I am several dress sizes smaller, and may get smaller again this year. But the joyous feeling of truly being in control of my own choices is the best thing ever.
I successfully stopped smoking about 15 years ago using the Allen Carr method, and I think the Eating Less approach is similar. It's a framework for bypassing unconscious urges, making informed choices, and being truly cognisant of the outcome of that choice.
Good luck with whatever you decide.
Echoing what others have said, be your own best friend, be kind and forgiving to yourself xxx

Morning OP I hope you managed to get out for your walk this morning.

I think there are many people here with similar issues to a lesser or worse degree so thank you for starting the thread and hopefully it can help others as well as you.

Try this www.walk1000miles.co.uk it averages 2.74 miles per day to achieve the 1000 miles over the year but you can just aim for whatever works for you. Maybe you can become addicted to tracking miles?

Different things work for different people. To start with don't focus on food, focus on finding something that makes you feel good in yourself.