Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Asked to leave

106 replies

Mumsymum90 · 01/01/2019 15:38

Basically, 6 years ago I found out was pregnant with my son I was seeing someone and I had an ex as well. I was unsure on who the father was so I ghosted him as I was scared and embarrassed. I had the dna test done and the other guy come back as wasn’t the father I was going through a lot of stresses at the time so I left it.

Until, this year I suddenly felt I had to be honest and tell him things got complicated as we still had feelings for one another took 6 months after reconnecting I told him and he blocked me with no answer so all contact was lost I didn’t want anything from him just for him to know..

Rewind to Friday I bumped into a friend who I didn’t realise was with his brother and his bros gf. I didn’t think it was wise to start a conversation so ignored them until my friend tried to introduce us all and his gf said. “ I don’t care what you have to say to us. You’re not welcome over here I suggest you fuck off!”

I moved along as I wasn’t up for drama but his bro looked so uneasy and like he had something to say but couldn’t because she had him on a lead pretty much.

I left in the end as I wasn’t there for drama but have I done the right thing? Could I of said more? I understand his family are more than angry with me and so is he hence why he blocked me from every root possible when I told him.

Also, a part of me thinks he may of already known?

Just feel I need some enlightenment and happy new year!! Xxxxxx

OP posts:
Imalittleelf · 01/01/2019 15:43

I'm confused.... is the ex the father of the person you were seeing at the time?

Who does your son think is his dad?

How did you tell him he was a father?

Original poster
Mumsymum90 · 01/01/2019 15:48

The ex is the father I was seeing at the time his actual dad! Sorry I should of read over!

I told him through text message (not ideal I know) but at the time we were on and off!

I haven’t said anything to my son yet as I’m still figuring out my words.

OP posts:
Thewifipasswordis · 01/01/2019 16:15

Sorry you're still not making sense. You waited 6yrs to tell him he was the father?

ILoveMaxiBondi · 01/01/2019 16:18
Confused

You didn’t tell a man for 6 years that the child he was raising wasnt his child and are now surprised his family don’t want to speak to you?

Isth · 01/01/2019 16:20

I literally don’t understand this... unless I do and you’re honestly confused as to why your sons paternal family are fucked off with you for keeping him from his dad for six years... in which case, seriously ?!

VladmirsPoutine · 01/01/2019 16:23

What? A man who to all intents and purposes believed he was your son's father actually isn't and you thought to come out with it only recently?

WinterfellWench · 01/01/2019 16:25

Confused here too!

Consolidateyourloins · 01/01/2019 16:26

I don't really understand but you should claim child support from the father.

PumpkinPie2016 · 01/01/2019 16:27

Sorry OP - I am also confused by your post?

As I understand it:

You were seeing man A. Man B was your ex but you were still seeing him sometimes?

You find you are pregnant but due to seeing both man A and man B you are unsure who the father is. DNA tests show that man B is the father but you don't tell him that he has a son?
What happened to man A? Did you split it has he raised your son with you, believing he was his father?

Now you decide to tell man B that he is the father of your child. Quite understandably, he is probably shocked/confused and he/his family want nothing to do with you ?

Is that the correct version?

BadMoodBoard · 01/01/2019 16:27

I don't follow

gobbynorthernbird · 01/01/2019 16:27

Did you tell someone they were the father, when in fact they were not? Or did you not tell the father that they had a child?

MadameButterface · 01/01/2019 16:28

I don’t understand this thread

Crunchymum · 01/01/2019 16:28

Can you explain very slowly and carefully as I cannot make head nor tail.

cuppycakey · 01/01/2019 16:28

Can you start over because none of this makes sense.

Neverunderfed · 01/01/2019 16:28

I read it that the op has been raising her child as a single parent, not having told either potential. Recently told the father, he blocked her. Family now kicking off.

Loyaultemelie · 01/01/2019 16:30

Sorry I'm confused too I thought your ex was the father but from updates now I'm thinking the guy you were seeing but you didn't tell him? Now his family won't talk to you?

FacingUp · 01/01/2019 16:30

I think the ex is the father of the baby she ghosted him six years ago and had been back in touch with him for 6 months then told him about the child and he blocked her. She’s then bumped in to ex’s brother and his girlfriend and the girlfriend has lost her shit at OP.
I think?🤷🏻‍♀️

Reaa · 01/01/2019 16:30

The other guy came back as not the father
My confusion starts from there

FlibbertyGiblets · 01/01/2019 16:30

I think never has it.

Neither man told he is the father at the time. OP has told the father very recently (by text). I think.

pretentiousrubberduck · 01/01/2019 16:31

I read it as Man A wasn't the father, but she's recently told him that the reason she ghosted him was because she was having someone else's baby. He blocked her as a result and his brother and gf told her to eff off because she cheated on him all those years ago?

MadameButterface · 01/01/2019 16:33
  1. who did you ghost?
  2. who is ‘the other guy’ who wasn’t the father?
  3. do you mean you looked your ex up intending to tell him about your ds together but instead got back together for 6 months, then told him, then he blocked you? Did he not ask about your son?

I don’t get any of this at all, and contrary to what you say, it sounds like you are very much up for drama tbh

pretentiousrubberduck · 01/01/2019 16:34

Reread it and now think guy A WAS the father?! I have no idea! OP, please clarify!

sheldonstwin · 01/01/2019 16:34

I thought she had originally chucked him by text

billybagpuss · 01/01/2019 16:37

Is this right?

2 blokes BF and ExDP.

you get pregnant and dump/ghost them both
Fast forward 6 years you get a DNA test and decide that ExDP is the dad. After having spent 6 months reconnecting with him.
You therefore tell him by text (daft) and he is annoyed and blocks you on everything.
You inadvertently meet Ex's brother and GF and she tells you to Fuck off and you did but are asking us if you should have done differently?

Ok if this is right yes you did the right thing walking away, no point creating a scene. However I would maybe try and contact the Ex, apologise for your behaviour say you understand how he must be feeling but you don't want anything from him but he can contact you if he wants to.

As for your son, at some point you may have to admit to being an idiot but for now concentrate on him.

Calzone · 01/01/2019 16:41

Good grief

What a palaver.

For the love of God, please read what you write before you post.