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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

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106 replies

Mumsymum90 · 01/01/2019 15:38

Basically, 6 years ago I found out was pregnant with my son I was seeing someone and I had an ex as well. I was unsure on who the father was so I ghosted him as I was scared and embarrassed. I had the dna test done and the other guy come back as wasn’t the father I was going through a lot of stresses at the time so I left it.

Until, this year I suddenly felt I had to be honest and tell him things got complicated as we still had feelings for one another took 6 months after reconnecting I told him and he blocked me with no answer so all contact was lost I didn’t want anything from him just for him to know..

Rewind to Friday I bumped into a friend who I didn’t realise was with his brother and his bros gf. I didn’t think it was wise to start a conversation so ignored them until my friend tried to introduce us all and his gf said. “ I don’t care what you have to say to us. You’re not welcome over here I suggest you fuck off!”

I moved along as I wasn’t up for drama but his bro looked so uneasy and like he had something to say but couldn’t because she had him on a lead pretty much.

I left in the end as I wasn’t there for drama but have I done the right thing? Could I of said more? I understand his family are more than angry with me and so is he hence why he blocked me from every root possible when I told him.

Also, a part of me thinks he may of already known?

Just feel I need some enlightenment and happy new year!! Xxxxxx

OP posts:

Dollymixture22 · 01/01/2019 17:35

He has actually known about his child for five months.

I think it’s time to involve the CSA. Regardless of your poor behaviour, he has a responsibility to contribute to his child.

Hopefully he can develop s relationship with the boy. But I think there is too much focus on you and him - rather than the boy.

KirstyAllsoppsFatterTwin · 01/01/2019 17:35

There was no sister. It was the ex's brother's girlfriend.

For god's sake, do keep up.

KirstyAllsoppsFatterTwin · 01/01/2019 17:36

It was the original ex, not the guy who had a DNA done who then became an ex. Got it?

Honeyroar · 01/01/2019 17:37

Christ, I want ghost you just for your thread! All these posters baffled by what you’ve said, yet no update or clarification!

SheWoreBlueVelvet · 01/01/2019 17:39

The whole family have probably assumed you are a drama llama and have made the paternity thing up.
Really weird to get back in touch six years later and not bring it up straight away.
Who does your son believe is his father? I hope he knows the truth.

Bertiebitch32 · 01/01/2019 17:43

Jeremy Kyle will sort this !

BoneyBackJefferson · 01/01/2019 17:44

Dollymixture22
He has actually known about his child for five months.
I think it’s time to involve the CSA. Regardless of your poor behaviour, he has a responsibility to contribute to his child.

If he has any sense the first thing that he will do is ask for a DNA test.

regmover · 01/01/2019 17:44

I'd love to think that Op will come back and make it all clear, but I somehow doubt it...

Nottoberudebut · 01/01/2019 17:44

I know it is poor form but to clarify the OP, here is what she said previously which I hope will make it all clearer:

6 years ago.. I got pregnant with my son and I ghosted his dad as I just came out of a really bad patch I admit that I was being selfish at the time..
In January 2018 we started speaking again then he asked to see me see me & I was like no that’s not a good idea and I need to talk to you about something rather important (telling him he has a son) then one thing lead to another and he ignored my need to chat and we started sexting then we bumped into each other and our feelings started to come out in April ( I couldn’t tell him due to our drunken states it wasn’t the place). So I went home.. then we started talking more and I got drunk one night and text him and told him and he just blocked me with no reply on all sorts of social media. There was no questions nothing. I don’t want anything from him.. I’m emotionally struggling with it as I know and admit I did wrong at the start. Is he angry with me? I know what I’ve done is unforgivable. I just wanted him to know? Do you think he will speak to me again? Feeling lost here. sad

Sorry OP, it’s much clearer on your post in October! I think the family are furious and rightly so. You deprived the father the chance to get to know his son for the last 6years and then blurted it out in appropriately when you took up with him again. It is so hurtful I’m so many levels.

I would write to him and apologise and let him know he is always welcome when he is ready. It may just take time for them all to heal and Christmas is a very emotive time.

BunnyCake · 01/01/2019 17:45

I think KirstyAllsoppsFatterTwin has finally made me understand it.
Was a bit frustrating when op came back to clarify and apologise for not making sense, as the new post made no sense either!

MiddleClassProblem · 01/01/2019 17:46

My favourite bit in the other thread is where the OP says that she knows she’s done the right thing...

That comment alone is as baffling as her OP in this thread.

Dollymixture22 · 01/01/2019 17:48

Boney - agreed on the partnity test. I actually said this is a previous post.

There is nothing wrong in asking for a paternity test in these circumstances- it’s the sensible thing to do.

youarenotkiddingme · 01/01/2019 17:54

Read the OP.

Read the replies.

Still no clearer on who's who and who fathered who and who knows what

But my advice is you've obviously been less than honest with lots of people here. So you need to build the bridges. Please try and don't with clarity so the father doesn't end up as confused as us!

YearOfYouRemember · 01/01/2019 18:03

How old mature are you OP?

couchparsnip · 01/01/2019 18:06

You were seeing 2 men. Got pregnant, had a test which proved it wasnt one of them but chose not to tell the father. You were wrong there.

Then 6 years later you reconnect with your child's father, but again choose not to tell him he has a son for 6 months.
Thats your second mistake.

Telling him by text and not in person. 3rd mistake.

Dont be surprised his family dont want anything to do with you. Until you admit your mistakes there's no chance they'll forgive you. And if you do admit you made mistakes, you better be truly and deeply remorseful for what you've done.

Doyoumind · 01/01/2019 18:06

What a massive mess. Where is your 6 year old in all this? Why the hell would you try to hide it from someone you were likely to bump into in the first place and then why would you try and hook up with him knowing the situation? What did you think would come of it. You have been extremely selfish and harmed not just this man but also your DS.

ElspethFlashman · 01/01/2019 18:08

OK so....

She was shagging 2 blokes, this lad and her ex. Found out she was pregnant. Didn't know who the father was. Ghosted this lad.

Did a DNA test of the ex, negative. So it must been this lads.

Meets up with him 6 years later. Sexts him Jan to April. Finally shags him April. Tells him by text he's had a son for 6 years that the OP has chosen to hide and that she's chosen not to mention for months after reconnecting.

He goes nuts and blocks her. He hates her. His family hates her.

Is that it?

AutumnCrow · 01/01/2019 18:30

Crikey.

ElspethFlashman · 01/01/2019 18:47

No wait, I think it was even longer. Cos in October she said he's known for 3 months. So he didn't find out till July?

I think the April thing was just when it moved from sexting to actually shagging.

God its worse. Imagine seeing someone for 6 months without them telling you that you're the father of their child.

Maelstrop · 01/01/2019 18:52

Clear as fucking mud!

Triskaidekaphilia · 01/01/2019 18:55

This is what I gathered:
OP was seeing the man in question, man A.
She also had an ex, man B.
When she found out she was pregnant she ghosted man A, stopped seeing him. So both are now exes.
She got a DNA test off man B, the ex. He wasn't the father.

So her then current partner, man A, was the father but she had already cut contact. She didn't tell him until now. Her DS doesn't know anyone to be his father and no one has been decieved into thinking they were the father, but man A has only just found out after 6 years that he is.

whatsthepointthen · 01/01/2019 18:58

No idea.

SleepingStandingUp · 01/01/2019 19:04

OP posted this in Octover

So bit on side guy is Dad, he didn't. Know even after they started meeting up again. When he found out he went nc

Bluntness100 · 01/01/2019 19:09

Ok so the new guy is the dad, she didn't tell him, she then started sort of seeing him again and then drunkenly texted him he was the father and he's ghosted her.

I'd assume he either doesn't believe her or can't understand why she'd ghost him knowing he was the dad.

BringMeTea · 01/01/2019 19:14

I'm assuming he doesn't want to pay cm.

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