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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

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106 replies

Mumsymum90 · 01/01/2019 15:38

Basically, 6 years ago I found out was pregnant with my son I was seeing someone and I had an ex as well. I was unsure on who the father was so I ghosted him as I was scared and embarrassed. I had the dna test done and the other guy come back as wasn’t the father I was going through a lot of stresses at the time so I left it.

Until, this year I suddenly felt I had to be honest and tell him things got complicated as we still had feelings for one another took 6 months after reconnecting I told him and he blocked me with no answer so all contact was lost I didn’t want anything from him just for him to know..

Rewind to Friday I bumped into a friend who I didn’t realise was with his brother and his bros gf. I didn’t think it was wise to start a conversation so ignored them until my friend tried to introduce us all and his gf said. “ I don’t care what you have to say to us. You’re not welcome over here I suggest you fuck off!”

I moved along as I wasn’t up for drama but his bro looked so uneasy and like he had something to say but couldn’t because she had him on a lead pretty much.

I left in the end as I wasn’t there for drama but have I done the right thing? Could I of said more? I understand his family are more than angry with me and so is he hence why he blocked me from every root possible when I told him.

Also, a part of me thinks he may of already known?

Just feel I need some enlightenment and happy new year!! Xxxxxx

OP posts:
myrtleWilson · 01/01/2019 16:43

who took the DNA test? I'm confused..

Missingstreetlife · 01/01/2019 16:46

Punctuation would help

Hidillyho · 01/01/2019 16:46

You need to explain who the dad is.
Is the dad of a 6y/o someone who you have literally just told has a son? If so, I’m struggling to understand why you would be treated any differently by the family, especially if it’s just happened.

Bluntness100 · 01/01/2019 16:47

Honestly, op, I mean this gently, but even reading this twice and your follow ups I can't understand it. Can you rewrite it simply?

You were seeing a new man and fell pregnant, you were not sure who was the father, you let the new man think it was him? It wasn't it was the ex and now you've told the ex?

Stardustinmyeyes · 01/01/2019 16:48

@Mumsymum90

Nope, I've read your posts 3 times and I have no idea what you are trying to say

loopylass13 · 01/01/2019 16:48

I read it as two potential fathers, potential dad (1) did a DNA test which proved he wasn't the dad - which concluded for OP that the actual father was the other potential dad (2) who didn't do a test and may not have known she was pregnant etc.

As for bumping into relatives/friends in street. Hard to know what to advise but maybe next time leave your phone number with them in case they want contact with the child.

InsomniacAnonymous · 01/01/2019 16:49

OP, you really need to explain this properly. It's too confusing as you've written it.

Ellie56 · 01/01/2019 16:50

I am totally confused. Can you start again OP? And before you post, read it to make sure it makes sense.Hmm

OlennasWimple · 01/01/2019 16:50

I'm as confused as everyone else

But whatever the ins and outs, telling someone that they are (or are not) the father of a child many years down the road and by text is pretty rubbish, and it's not surprising that his family are angry with you

onalongsabbatical · 01/01/2019 16:53

Just feel I need some enlightenment... you're not the only one. Utterly mystifying.

QOD · 01/01/2019 16:53

🥺

SheWoreBlueVelvet · 01/01/2019 16:54

Rewrite using man A and man B.
No good calling one an “ex” as it sounds like both are now although that’s not clear either.

Ibizama · 01/01/2019 16:54

Fux sake, incomprehensible

MauraIsles · 01/01/2019 16:54

Glad I’m not the only one who can’t follow this? So confusing!!! 🤔

Purplehammer · 01/01/2019 16:55

Is the father Boswell.

Samcro · 01/01/2019 16:57
Confused
BirdieInTheHand · 01/01/2019 16:58

OP if you can explain who is who I'm sure you'll get some sensible advice Smile

Dollymixture22 · 01/01/2019 16:58

Oh dear - no wonder your relationships are messy - you need to communicate more effectively.

Who is the father of your child?

Did you tell either man about your pregnancy?
Who were the people you met who were rude to you?

Did you keep paternity a secret for six years?
Have you lied to someone about their paternity for so no years?

communication is a problem for you, so think carefully before you talk to your son. Could you bring a child counsellor in on this? I am just worried you seem so muddled in your story, you can’t set it out in writing so we understand it - what chance will a six year old have?

Stardustinmyeyes · 01/01/2019 16:58

Rachelle3211 · 01/01/2019 17:01

So does the biological father know he's the dad? Who did you reconnect with?

DanielRicciardosSmile · 01/01/2019 17:02

I'm sorry but even with your second post I can't work out who the father is, and whether they've brought the child up to be told they're not the father, or not been in the child's life to be told they are.

Mummyoflittledragon · 01/01/2019 17:03

Please come back and explain. Then we can discuss this with you.

MiddleClassProblem · 01/01/2019 17:04

So I read it as.

Ex and other bloke, blinking bitb around the same time. Got preggers. Ghosted ex and found out other bloke wasn’t the father.

6 years or so later (given pregnancy time etc) OP feels guilty and gets back in contact. They start to reconnect. Then she waits another 6 months before sending him a text telling him he’s the dad.

He blocks her and his family tell her to fuck off when they see her out.

ISawSassyKissingSantaClaus · 01/01/2019 17:06

Hmm...for a first ever post OP you've not enlightened us much... Hmm

Bunnyfuller · 01/01/2019 17:07

Eh?!

Is Ex the Dad or the side bloke? Are you an adult? You not only don’t seek support from whoever the Dad is for 6 years (how did you support your son?) but don’t tell your son who his Dad is?

Jesus