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Original poster

Is it normal to fancy your BIL?

138 replies

queenqueenqueen · 01/01/2019 01:12

Just that really, sorry no drip feed here! Love my hubby and have 2 beautiful DC - perfect life really! My Brother in Law has been over from USA for the holidays and I feel like I fancy him. Its so weird, am I normal?? He's like my DH in alot of ways bit also different. Nothing will EVER happen but feel attracted to him. I'm beating myself up??!! 🤔🙈😲😔

OP posts:
GinDoll · 02/01/2019 01:39

I think it's easy to fancy your BIL, they had similarities to your DH but you don't live with them so don't see all the day to day shit... Oh and generally they're nice to you because you're family. Still best not to act on it, I'm another that slept with an ex BIL after notD H left. It was awful 🤮.

Brook1yn · 02/01/2019 08:03

I think it's perfectly normal to love your husband and be happy in your relationship but find someone attractive. There's no harm done, if that is where it ends.

As for my BIL

One is a scrawny compulsive liar and show off (always stronger, smarter, better than everyone else in his own opinion)

The other one is chubby with a permanent builder's bum that would make anyone else in the building trade envious (he is not in the building trade FYI). Also he never helps anyone unless he can later use this to his advantage.

I have definitely picked the nicest one Wink

Buscake · 02/01/2019 08:05

My husband has an identical twin and I don’t fancy him at all!

SymphonyofShadows · 02/01/2019 08:09

Fuck no, he’s like a particularly stupid dementor, sucking the joy out of the room.

OP are you Pippa Middleton?

TSSDNCOP · 02/01/2019 08:10

Nooo. Mine is far too corporate and looks like a fruit pastel

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

What flavour Pastel?

SalmonLeBon · 02/01/2019 08:18

My BIL is a sociopathic drug addict. He can't hold down a job for more than a couple of months (has had to move country twice because his employment record is so poor!). He is vile to his kids, made his father homeless, skipped his grandmother's funeral to take drugs with a friend, refuses to visit his stepdad in a care home or grandad in hospital because it makes him uncomfortable. I will avoid a physical description for risk of being jumped on for prejudice, but he is not a looker.

Nope. Never fancied him.

Smallgrace · 02/01/2019 08:32

I had this with my very first boyfriend who I dated when I was 19. I remember meeting his brother for the first time and thinking, woah, you're alright Blush He was better-looking, one of those smooth corporate types. There was definitely a 'weird' vibe between us - we used to message each other loads and hung out without my ex but obviously nothing ever happened.

Years later, I hear he's now divorced but I'm happily married (unfortunately haha!)

UserMe18 · 02/01/2019 08:43

No I think of them as my brothers (been with DH since a young age) that's very ick to me.

Hotfootit · 02/01/2019 09:04

My BIL is wonderful, but he’s like a younger brother to me - so no way could I fancy him.

MsTSwift · 02/01/2019 09:40

Am I the only one finding some of these bil descriptions rather funny? Keep them coming Grin

Original poster
queenqueenqueen · 02/01/2019 12:30

@mstswift omg can you imagine?!!

Haha some of these replies are honestly making me LOL, need to be careful haha can't exactly tell everyone what's so funny 🙈🙈
Well pleased to say the beer goggles have worn off and BIL safely on another continent! Hopefully my inappropriate crush will not rear it's head again.... Until next year 😂😂 xx

OP posts:
Original poster
queenqueenqueen · 02/01/2019 12:31

@Myglassesareknackered so funny, they sound like a delightful pair 😂😂

OP posts:
Triskaidekaphilia · 02/01/2019 12:36

My SIL is gorgeous, she looks like a female version of my DH Grin She's someone I probably could fancy but she's family now so it'd be weird!

SnapesOnAPlane80 · 02/01/2019 12:43

My BIL is a chain smoking, alcohol dependant knobhead who throws his dummy out the pram everytime he doesn't get his own way. If I ever started to fancy him I'd immediately get my head tested.

If your BIL is alot like your DH then I can understand the attraction as long as you don't act on it. It'll just be because you have spent time with him, it should wear off in a couple of days lol.

Aria2015 · 02/01/2019 12:45

It's probably quite normal if there are elements of him that remind you of you dh (who I assume you are attracted to). It probably those bits that make you fancy him. You can't really help who turns your head and there is nothing wrong with fancying other people as long as you never act on it which you state you wouldn't. I wouldn't beat yourself up too much.

clockworklime · 02/01/2019 12:46

I really don’t understand the hysterical pearl-clutching going on in this thread..

“Is it normal to fancy your BIL?” If they are attractive to you, then yes.

The OP isn’t asking if it’s normal to fancy their Dad or their cat.

ItsQuietTime · 02/01/2019 12:46

It's not normal, but I think you know that already. Wink

A BIL is family and there's something defitinetly wrong if you fancy your family. Shock

KarmaStar · 02/01/2019 12:47

Yuk no!!!bil is a lazy thieving narcissistic waste of space....

Omzlas · 02/01/2019 13:15

My BIL is younger than my DH and almost the spitting image of him (neither look like FIL, thank fuck)

He's a bit fit and my best friend thinks he's hot

He's also a selfish, lazy, self absorbed arse

It helps that we see each other once every 2 years or so, aside from Skype occasionally

Now DH's cousin..... well. That man is sex on a stick IMO, but looks nothing like DH or BIL, he's just a bit..... swoony, let's say

Grilledaubergines · 05/01/2019 17:13

A BIL is family and there's something defitinetly wrong if you fancy your family.

Your husband is family too, is he not? Odd to fancy him?

Clearly, family through marriage is not the same as blood relatives, you do get the difference?

MaisyPops · 05/01/2019 17:22

The OP isn’t asking if it’s normal to fancy their Dad or their cat.
I agree.
You fancy who you fancy. I reckon most people will have had short lived crushes despite being happily in a relationship. Some of them will be those 'reaĺly how did that happen' types. It doesn't mean you'd act on it.

FannytheW0nderDog · 05/01/2019 17:25

Put those thoughts right out with a cold shower and a cup of tea. Don't go there - not even in your mind. It's not pretty and it's actually rather skanky when you think of it.

Belenus · 05/01/2019 17:55

my weird crush can be put to bed for another year!

I don't think that's what you should be doing Wink

As for whether it's normal, look up levirate marriage In some cultures it's considered normal to marry your BIL if you're widowed.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 05/01/2019 18:09

My DH's brother is a lovely guy. He's like a younger, better dressed, more well groomed version of DH. We get on well and do a lot of flirting. He's also gay. I still joke I'm going to force him to marry me if DH was to fall under a bus.

My DSis's ex husband is a violent thug, though admittedly he had a certain Heathcliffesque charisma in our youth. Never fancied him in the slightest.

Ragaroo · 05/01/2019 19:32

I'm surprised how many people on this thread are truly disgusted, like they're perfect and have never had an inappropriate crush! It's purely based on the situation, how your relationship is fairing and if you are in contact with someone who is fulfilling a "need" that is missing in your life, be it real or a fantasy. I'd hate if DH fancied my sister but then again I would never want to find out. As long as he works on never acting on it and improving our relationship then I can't really ask anything more.