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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it normal to fancy your BIL?

138 replies

queenqueenqueen · 01/01/2019 01:12

Just that really, sorry no drip feed here! Love my hubby and have 2 beautiful DC - perfect life really! My Brother in Law has been over from USA for the holidays and I feel like I fancy him. Its so weird, am I normal?? He's like my DH in alot of ways bit also different. Nothing will EVER happen but feel attracted to him. I'm beating myself up??!! 🤔🙈😲😔

OP posts:
tararabumdeay · 01/01/2019 02:46

I may not have stopped to pick it up of the side of the road but I'd always be wondering what it maybe had to offer.

Trouble is one can click and move on now. In the old days of cassette tape one could be embroiled for ages trying to get to the good bit or rewind.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 01/01/2019 02:56

Trouble is one can click and move on now. In the old days of cassette tape one could be embroiled for ages trying to get to the good bit or rewind.

No self-respecting driver would ever be found without a pencil somewhere near the dashboard!

Irish3008 · 01/01/2019 06:50

FFS. Lighten up people. I can understand the attraction OP.

RosemarysBush · 01/01/2019 06:56

Your dh brother? Yes, sounds very normal. Your sisters dh, not so likely.

ImogenTubbs · 01/01/2019 07:03

Ha ha. I guess it's normal, OP. None of that over here though - I DEFINITELY picked the right brother Grin

toolazytothinkofausername · 01/01/2019 07:20

When I first met my DPs brother a month after dating I thought for a while I was dating the wrong brother Blush He was much better looking, taller, wore fancy suits, and had more charisma.
A decade on and OMG I am so happy I was loyal to DP. DP has hardly changed (a few grey hairs), whereas his brother has aged horrifically, stopped caring about his appearance, has greasy skin, and gained a lot of weight. He is now as sexy as Mrs. Doyle on Father Ted.

Onescaredmuma · 01/01/2019 07:26

No to both of mine they're both lovely men but my DH definitely got the looks in his family!

MaggieAndHopey · 01/01/2019 07:29

I deffo don't fancy mine, as he is a bit of a pillock, though a loveable one. But if you had an attractive charismatic BIL then I can understand it.

InspectorIkmen · 01/01/2019 07:37

Nooo. Mine is far too corporate and looks like a fruit pastel

This has to be the BEST description ever Grin

MoreCheeseDear · 01/01/2019 07:41

I knew BiL before I knew DH. Very attractive, just my type but there was no spark at all. He introduced me to his brther who looked very like him and they both have the same dark brown voice that I love. And fireworks.

We are all very close, he started dating my friend after DH and I got engaged and married her. I adore him like a bother but can't tell you why I didn't fancy him, he and DH could be twins.

Mummyoflittledragon · 01/01/2019 07:54

I think fantasies are normal. Don’t have a bil so can’t comment on that.

Fruit. Pastel Grin Grin

Sexnotgender · 01/01/2019 07:57

GadsConfused no!! I definitely got the good brother.

Minesril · 01/01/2019 08:07

Nah DH is the best looking of the 3. He's also the kindest and most generous. Also, one of them was 13 ish when we met so ick!!

TidyDancer · 01/01/2019 08:31

BIL is lovely but no, I couldn't fancy him. He's a lot older than DP and in a certain light looks like Fidel Castro. That might do it for some people but not me.

BlueSuffragette · 01/01/2019 08:32

Errrm NO. Don't even go there.

divadee · 01/01/2019 08:37

Mine looks like a very pale weird shrek so yes you are being very unreasonable. Grin

LadyRochfordsHoickedGusset · 01/01/2019 08:42

Of course you can be attracted to people you shouldn't, in fact that can often add to it. But don't act on it, that would be madness.

Luckily with ex-bil that wasn't ever remotely a problem. He had uncontrollable flatulence and a face only a mother could love. .

Penguin13 · 01/01/2019 08:42

I think some of the posts here are unnecessarily harsh - OP specifically said she would never go there so not sure how exhorting her not to do it is relevant. I have never fancied my BIL but I do get random, short lived crushes from time to time which like the OP I would never act on. I would never have thought that was particularly unusual.

Weirdly, even though my DH is an identical twin and I have known them both from the same night, I never remotely fancied his brother even though in some ways they are incredibly alike. I think it must come down to the fact that my spark with DH comes from our connection.

Eminybob · 01/01/2019 08:46

BIL is good looking and I briefly fancied him when I first met him, but weirdly, considering I’ve known him for almost as long as I’ve known Dh (15 years) we have absolutely no rapport whatsoever. He’s a nice enough guy, I get on really well with his DW and we spend quite a lot of time together, but I find it really difficult to have a conversation with him. So no, not in a million years.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 01/01/2019 08:49

Eww no! In many ways my DH and BIL look very similar but their personalities are completely different.

BIL describes himself as the older, taller, more handsome one. That in itself is enough to put me off him.

Ellie56 · 01/01/2019 08:53

Oh God no.

Original poster
queenqueenqueen · 01/01/2019 09:12

😂😂 I'm laughing so much at some of these replies!! Good old Mumsnet!

Glad to (sort of) read that I'm not totally strange! We will be waving them off at the airport later today so my weird crush can be put to bed for another year! 🙈
Happy New Year all! 🙂

OP posts:
Wouldyouorshouldyou · 01/01/2019 09:14

Nope, never have and just won't. It feels very wrong.

Myglassesareknackered · 01/01/2019 09:15

Not on any level - one BIL looks perennially dirty and like he needs a good scrub, and the other is short, bald and is an inveterate liar. Both nice enough men, but good god no!

Missingstreetlife · 01/01/2019 09:33

I don't think it's that strange, he probably has similar characteristics, so familiar but also different so novelty value. It's not uncommon for people to have relationship with in laws after death or divorce but that could be other psychological factors, it also applies to friends.
Also we often fancy and marry people who are like family members, and strangely people are sometimes attracted to relatives they meet later in life (separated by adoption) which is problematic.