Cars powered by fairy dust
That must be why their headlights always have eyelashes – to seductively flutter away stray fairy dust particles 
The only possible reason I can think for this is that I (stereotypically) assume that:
- Most car thieves are heterosexual males;
- These people wouldn't be seen dead in a pink car with a 'PBFD' sticker on it.
Virtue Seekers!!
Oh yes.
If you give somebody money/help/time discreetly, you are being kind and generous.
If you do the above but then feel the need to tell everybody about it, you have not actually given a thing nor been kind in any way at all – you have just bought yourself some positive PR –so you very wrongly think--.
The woman works nights but the man ALWAYS parks in front of her and has to move his car to let her out. Then he parks back in - and when she comes home in the morning he gets up, moves his car AGAIN so she can get it in the drive and then blocks her in again. 9 times out of 10 he doesn't use his car at all in the day, and so has to bloody move his again in the evening to let her out.
The people opposite us have a small van and a car. Every single evening, the man will drive each of them into their garage and then, in the morning, drive them back out and leave them on the drive (rather than drive them out when they want to go somewhere in them).
He does it every night, no matter how mild, and I always think that it must surely be a much better burglar-deterrent to have two vehicles on a drive. Their drive, their garage, their vehicles, their fuel, their time. It matters not a sausage to my life – but it’s so irritating!
So. Hard. Not. To. Correct.
People who write out a single sentence as if each word were a separate sentence all on its own, for dramatic effect
That woman in the denture glue advert who warns us that, in the day, your dentures can MOOF. Can they? What’s moofing – is it a good thing or a bad thing?!
VickyEadie l'm from the north east. lt's the law in Newcastle that you have to go out in that, particularly when it's snowing.
Or an observer might think it was.
This documentary might help to explain it:
Can I get
Oh, indeed. “No, this is a café/restaurant with table service: you order it and the waiter/waitress will get it for you.”
Text as a past tense
This gives me the rage too. Also, people who still use text abbreviations such as “R U OK” or “It’s up 2 u.” In the 90s, when each letter or character could sometimes require you to jab at a stubborn rubber button up to four times, this made good sense –(still irked me though, even then!)—Now, even the very cheapest phones have large, smooth touch-screens and auto-suggest, so why do people still feel the need to do it?!
Delivery people who assume that I sit right behind my front door in the hall, in an armchair with a powerful ejector-spring loaded in the seat cushion. Even if I manage to get there within literally 10 seconds of the doorbell sounding, I still always have to call them back from the end of the drive or the pavement.
University Challenge: Jeremy Paxman's insistence on saying Quixote as "cwik sot" Even when the contestant answers with the correct pronunciation he repeats his own way of saying it.
I read this and was going to add the way Jezza is so precise about Latin pronunciation, which nobody (except the Pope) now uses as a native language and even many who DO use it use it much more commonly in its written rather than spoken form; however, whenever there’s a Welsh word or place-name – i.e. one of the native languages of his own home country – he never bothers to look it up beforehand and invariably gets it spectacularly wrong. He also frequently ‘corrects’ contestants’ already-correct Welsh pronunciations with his own laughable mispronunciations. I know he isn't a Welsh speaker, but it isn't broadcast live and he surely must be able to see the question cards to practise a while before the recording?
HOWEVER, I was also going to add Paxo’s insistence on saying “Twenty-oh-one”, “Twenty-oh-seven” etc when, I thought that it was universally accepted that you say e.g. “Two-thousand-and-one” from 2001-2009 and THEN change to “Twenty-ten”, “Twenty-eleven” etc. from there.
But then I read this:
It also annoys me that all tv and radio presenters say ‘twenty eighteen’ when the whole of the general public say ‘two thousand and eighteen’.
I feel like they’re hoping it’ll catch on eventually
….and I’m REALLY confused now!!