If you tell them the restaurant that your child has a dairy allergy don't complain when they won't serve the child dairy!

[Cwtches123]

Relative is a chef currently working at a restaurant at family resort in the UK. He is always happy to cater to allergies but is getting increasingly frustrated by those who make a huge fuss about ordering a special main and then deciding to order a dessert full of the allergen!
Last week a family made a huge fuss that everything had to be dairy free for their child, no problem, all dishes dairy free, then they said child wanted the same dessert as sibling as it looked nice. Siblings dessert was full of dairy, parents insisted this would be ok (after previously stated child had severe dairy allergy) restaurant manager refused to serve it.
People like this give genuine allergy sufferers a bad name, I'm glad the restaurant called their bluff!
Parents were furious that the restaurant would not serve dairy to the child they had said had a severe dairy allergy!!!!

Applesandpears23
So don't order anything with prawns in or pick them out yourself. I don't get people ordering off menu around their preferences.

I tend to find that those who make the least fuss tend to have real issues that can be life threatening or make them very ill.
Those who make a 'look at me sing and dance' issue about things tend to be self diagnosed and seem to treat optionally as to how they feel at the time.
I have a slightly obscure allergy that is generally easy to avoid except it's often hidden in Chinese food and desserts so I'm careful but don't tend to say much about it or may discreetly enquire about things and tend to avoid Risky food out. It's a bit odd and annoying as I only developed the allergy later in life after a change in immunosuppressants (I have a severe autoimmune disease) and I actually really like the taste but not enough to go through anaphylaxis for.
A good friend cannot digest meat or gluten due to a problem with her bowel (she has to go to hospital to manually evacuate it regularly it's rather unpleasant) - she's never made a fuss never expects people to go out of their way for her although I always try to make sure we cater for her or we go places that can.
However my sister has various 'allergies' that seem to change each visit, she's also randomly vegan, vegetarian or now flexitarian and makes a huge song and dance and puts the onus on everyone else to make an effort for her. I went away for a weekend with some old friends this year and one of them was the same and felt the need to lecture everybody on the subject as well as her miracle alternative health cures. She was overbearing on the subject but when I asked if we could go somewhere that wasn't a Chinese for dinner I was being 'unreasonable to make my restrictions effect the group' - I ended up having a sandwich later. I am thinking next time she comes out I may just avoid.

I second the people who have explained about non-ige allergies, I have one with milk protein and egg allergy.

There is a protocol used by the NHS for reintroduction of these allergens known as a 'ladder'. Not all dairy/egg is equally allergenic. It depends on the quantity, and how well cooked it is.

These types of allergies are a reaction to the proteins in the food, and are dose-dependent. Cooking denatures the proteins and makes them harder for the immune system to recognise and react to, so some individuals can tolerate heat-treated dairy, egg etc to different degrees.

Explaining all this is a pain in the tits. And anyone who rolls their eyes or believes it's a mild form of Munchausen's by proxy can fuck off.

Mammashwifty

but people with that type of allergy dont make a huge fuss at restaurants even before they have arrived.
As said above DS has allergies to various tree nuts and seeds
DH Brazil nuts
DH also appears to have developed an intoloerance of egg about 4 years ago. He is fine with it cooked into things but cant tolerate a scrambled, fried etc as he ends up on the toilet within half an hour with diarrhoea

DS for some reason gets a nasty stomach ache after coffee and is now avoiding caffeinated coffee.
The only time DS rings up in advance is a plane for a nut and seed free meal.
We went for a meal last night and no drama, just queried a desert that might have had nuts, it did so had something different and asked for a decaf coffee.

Don’t understand why people attempt to justify this and say people are being judgy. It is nothing more than wasting the restaurants time/attention seeking. If you can have NO trace then suddenly have it for dessert there is no justification other than being a liar.

brighteyeowl17
Its like the vegerarians who make a big fuss about being veggie and needing a veggie option then scoff all the smoked salmon starters.

but people with that type of allergy dont make a huge fuss at restaurants even before they have arrived.

No, but they might ask that the chocolate brownie they just ordered doesn't come with cream/ ice cream because they are allergic to milk. The fact that they just ate a cheese a tomato pizza, is irrelevant.

That's what people are trying to explain. I don't 'make a fuss' and I wish that I didn't have to do this or know what an 'allergy book' is. Some of these comments are very frustrating.

But yes I know people do bullshit about allergies and it grates on me as much as the next person.

"IrmaFayLear
We're all sensitive to something or other."

Are we? I thought the vast majority of people could eat most foods.

irmafaylear
(I paraphrase as I can't scroll up to cut and paste your post): what on Earth is an allergy book? (Scorn scorn scorn ) Why can't you jut chose wisely off the menu?

The allergy book is a term for the information restaurants/cafes have about which allergens are in each dish. Places where the menu doesn't change (e.g Nando's) have a folder, places where the menu is set daily by the chef tend to just have a piece of paper written that morning.

It literally helps us "choose wisely off the menu" as you so helpfully advised us to do in your post, after scorning "whatever an allergy book is"

Your post is a very helpful example of how irritating it is when people who are ignorant about IGe/non-IGE allergies get judgy

My dc is allergic to dairy and egg but over the years his allergy has reduced to the point where he can tolerate moderate amounts of well cooked milk/egg. So for example it's likely he'd react to buttery mash or cheese sauce but not a to a cake. So this sort of apparent contradiction can arise. Of course a chef doesn't have to serve anything but I'd have thought, so long as the ingredients are clear, the decision can be left to the parents.

Don’t understand why people attempt to justify this and say people are being judgy. It is nothing more than wasting the restaurants time/attention seeking. If you can have NO trace then suddenly have it for dessert there is no justification other than being a liar.

It's not 'people trying to justify' this @brighteyeowl17. People who actually have knowledge of Dairy allergies are explaining that there are absolutely genuine reasons why a person may not be able to tolerate a trace of milk / cheese but may be absolutely fine with dairy cooked into a desert etc. Mammaschwifty explains it perfectly in her post above.

I really hope I don't get this level of judgement if / when my little one begins to outgrow her allergies and starts the dairy and soya ladder :-(

This reminds me of when I had to call out my mother on her attitude towards the wheelchair user who lived opposite us. She was convinced he was a lazy scrounger because she sometimes saw him without his wheelchair. Clearly she didn't understand that some illnesses fluctuate! Same level of ignorance and judgement here.

Had a 'friend' come to stay - made a lot of effort to cook Gluten-free/vegetarian - then find her, in the kitchen, tucking in to a great slice of victoria sandwich cake because 'it looked nice'

As a mother of a child with multiple allergies and a patient of Great Ormand Street I can tell you it's not straight forward. Some allergies are more accumalative meaning a small amount is om and encouraged. Ask the consultants. I suggest rather than complaining to relatives ans mumsnet why don't you and your relatives educate yourselves or maybe just kerp quiet.

Is it an allergy or intolerance?
I know kids at school who have intolerances and stipulate they can have some aspects of dairy but must be limited to certain amounts in the day to keep the symptoms at bay.
My dd3 is intolerant-i can only dream of a day when we’ll be in a position to be a bit softer on ordering food with dairy in.

Ok you might be unreasonable. Have you heard of the milk ladder? My son is allergic to fresh milk - he has epipens and could go into anaphylaxis if milk touched his mouth. However, he can tolerate baked milk with no ill effects. So even though fresh milk could kill him, he loves eating croissants. If the mum was making a huge fuss about milk as an ingredient then was suggesting her child could have ice cream which is high up on the milk ladder then YANB.

DD is allergic to parsnips, beetroot and some squashes with varying levels of reaction. Not quite epi-pen level yet, but will be if after I fill out allergy details on forms, I get people cheerfully telling me she won't be eating a roast dinner then promptly serving veg crisps and chocolate cake made with beetroot. Chefs are varying in sympathy as they obviously are used to people being fussy rather than actually allergic.

Dh is alkergic to raw or lightly cooked egg, he can eat sponge/biscuits but had a reaction to homecooked brownies which had only been cooked to sqidgy(swollen lips and tongue, sore mouth and blotches on his face). He now has.an epipen after having an anaphylactic type reaction to some homemade cupcakes that someone brought into work, the frosting used contained raw beaten egg white but it looked like standard buttercream.

It can be a nightmare eating out, custard, salad dressing, even ice cream if made with a custard base can be a problem, we have been caught out before but thankfully he only had a severe reaction that once

It's like the 'occasional' vegetarians, who give waters a long spiel about how they couldn't possibly eat meat, then notice someone has a juicy steak and it is organic etc etc, or they are being served prawns. See how quick they change!

There were two on the same holiday as me once. I actually didn't say anything but my friend did! In some countries they find it hard to get around the idea of Vegetarianism and because of these clowns they now think it means absolutely no meat...unless I decide to have it one Thursday!

StealthPolarBear - I meant that a lot of people have something that disagrees with them, eg getting the runs from onions.

But this is NOT a food allergy. Ringing up restaurants, demanding special meals, asking to see "allergy books" - WTF?! No! You just AVOID the food.

I would never, ever request a special meal at a wedding etc, outside of the usual vegetarian option. Fgs, can't people just miss a meal or eat a bit of salad or whatever is acceptable? When did people get the message that it is in any way acceptable to put their hosts to a lot of trouble?

Streuth. People today.

A grown ass man demanding a special prep area due to nut allergy which was so severe it would result in anaphylaxis only to then ordering two (TWO!) of the peanut parfait with peanut brittle

peanuts are not nuts, you can be allergic to one but not other.

I have refused to serve a customer (who had stated she was vegetarian) Parmesan cheese. I offered a replacement cheese but she kept insisting she loved Parmesan and got really nasty with me.

I've had similar stand offs over sugar with numerous declared diabetics, non gluten free for people who have said they had coeliac disease, unsuitable foods for babies etc.
I could lose my job if I didn't take into account what the customer has told me but these idiots make it difficult for genuine customers.
Why do they do it?

but people with that type of allergy dont make a huge fuss at restaurants even before they have arrived.
This through and through.

My friend had to work off the dairy ladder with her eldest. No fuss was made. No drama. No massive deal made for every trip. She just made polite enquiries, ordered and got on with it.

People who have actual issues will tend to make polite quiet enquiries and then get on with life making whatever choices are appropriate to them.

Those who make a massive bloody deal about an ever changing set of allergies and requirements are drama queens.

I know someone who insisted their child was intolerant to wheat and dairy. She would make a massive fuss about how hard it was to deal with, then feed the child yoghurt. Apparently, she was advised to give it little and often to increase tolerance!

DH is lactose intolerant and avoids milk, cream and butter. He can tolerate some cheese and is generally fine with goat or sheep cheese.

However he occasionally loses his head at the end of a delicious boozy meal and goes full tiramisu or Stilton. He always pays the price later (as do we to a lesser extent) and vows never again.

Possibly some of our crowd are looking on thinking, "Lactose intolerance my arse".

Once more for irmafay as you don't seem to understand that:

* you ask to see the allergy book so that you can avoid the food* that gives you trouble

Further explanation: I need to avoid dairy? I look in the restaurant's allergy book to see which items on the menu contain dairy and then i don't order them. It is literally a device to help people avoid making a fuss or asking for special treatment.