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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

If you tell them the restaurant that your child has a dairy allergy don't complain when they won't serve the child dairy!

267 replies

Cwtches123 · 31/12/2018 09:41

Relative is a chef currently working at a restaurant at family resort in the UK. He is always happy to cater to allergies but is getting increasingly frustrated by those who make a huge fuss about ordering a special main and then deciding to order a dessert full of the allergen!
Last week a family made a huge fuss that everything had to be dairy free for their child, no problem, all dishes dairy free, then they said child wanted the same dessert as sibling as it looked nice. Siblings dessert was full of dairy, parents insisted this would be ok (after previously stated child had severe dairy allergy) restaurant manager refused to serve it.
People like this give genuine allergy sufferers a bad name, I'm glad the restaurant called their bluff!
Parents were furious that the restaurant would not serve dairy to the child they had said had a severe dairy allergy!!!!

OP posts:
olivesnutsandcheese · 01/01/2019 00:58

I feel your pain. I've been intolerant to gluten for over 20 years. People like this make it so much harder for those who genuinely can't eat something. DSIS is a great example, currently visiting from overseas, buying all sorts of pizza and quiche for everyone, then I ask, what can I eat? Apparently salad is fine. Not sure I've ever eaten lettuce, tomato and cucumber as a main meal! I would have shopped myself but she insisted Hmm

Armchairanarchist · 01/01/2019 01:00

DSis makes a huge fuss everywhere we eat about a particular allergy. It's bollocks. She just likes to be treated as special. I know this because she never had it as a child and I accidentally fed her some mixing up which soup to give her. I'd made hers separately and accidentally gave her the wrong one and there was absolutely no reaction. I cringe every time we eat out. I have strict dietary requirements (I had my stomach and duodenum removed and can't eat anything more than purees) but manage to work around it and never have to say it. My son also carries epipens for non food allergies and I've no idea why anyone would want to use it to attention seek.

TeaForTiger · 01/01/2019 01:08

Allergies are not black and white.

My DS could eat cheese but not fresh milk/yoghurt/ice cream etc. I used to avoid telling people this because of the ignorant eye rolling and just avoid all CMP. Similar story with his egg allergy.

He's out grown both of these now and just carries EpiPens for his nut allergy, however he's not allergic to all nuts.

So if people want to gossip about my severely allergic child eating an almond product after I've told them he can't have something due to his nut allergy then that's their problem.

Nquartz · 01/01/2019 06:31

I'm wondering now if my penicillin allergy is real! I had it about 15 years ago on holiday (in hospital) and went all funny afterward so was told to avoid in future. a
Is there a way of checking if I really am.allergic?!

LikeYouSaid · 01/01/2019 07:08

An ex-friend of mine used to do something similar. She would make a huge song and dance that her son couldn’t have gluten, that he was extremely intolerant etc - he wasn’t at all. But she kept it going everywhere even at home.

When I’d go round she always make the offhand comment about how difficult it is cooking gluten free meals (yet would acknowledge when directly asked that he wasn’t in fact gluten intolerant yet could offer no explanation as to why she insisted on not feeding him gluten). Then the odd day she’d just drop the act completely, feed him any food and not bat an eye lid, was very baffling! Confused

People are weird.

Weenurse · 01/01/2019 07:30

Over the years have developed intolerances to onion, garlicky and some dairy.
Never heard of the dairy tree, so off to investigate and educate myself.
I try to chose dishes off the menu so I don’t react.
Difficult in some cases. Ordered a risotto, no onion mentioned. Came with spring onions all over.
Picked out as many as I could as I did not want to appear picky.
Spent a significant amount of time in the toilet the next day, missing a conference I had paid for.
Never again!

ForAMinuteThere · 01/01/2019 07:41

Same as @krustykittens. I have an intolerant one who I encourage to make choices themselves. I never, ever use the word allergic.

Also I can't see what is wrong with this >>
One of my relatives likes to go through phases where they cut out gluten and lactose because they get bloated so have decided they are intolerant. Give it a month or so and they're back on their normal diet. A few months after that, they're cutting it out again.

This is quite true for a lot of people? I for one have a condition triggered by gluten. I can eat a bit, but have to lay off it totally every now and then. I probably shouldn't eat any at all but you know, faff... it's not killing me. Same as your relatives. They are probably intolerant but find it hassle so can't stick to it and do a bit of a break for a bit here and there.

Op example is bloody awful, if truly allergic why on earth would you give kid dairy! They're using allergy to their advantage instead of realising how serious it is. I tend to say do you have dairy free? He doesn't get on well with it but can handle a bit - so it's clear to the restaurant that they don't need to be careful or take special measures.

ForAMinuteThere · 01/01/2019 07:42

@weenurse look up low fodmap eating. Sounds like you struggle with the main key issues of it.

Also dietician told me no human can deal with onion or garlic, some are just worse than others!

user1457017537 · 01/01/2019 07:46

If I had a restaurant I would make these idiots sign a form that they were eating at my restaurant at their own risk. I would refuse to serve them if they didn’t sign.

DramaticGoose · 01/01/2019 07:48

My ds has multiple allergies.

It's almost impossible to eat out so when we do, we phone ahead, explain the allergies and explain what his likely reaction would be to the restaurant. If we can't phone ahead (e.g. spur of the moment lunch) we go to a chain we've been taken seriously in the past so know is "safe".

As embarrassing as it is phoning up, explaining our son's medical condition to a stranger, it's much, much better than dealing with a reaction.

I think talking to the restaurant staff so they understand is the way to be taken seriously.

Even so, we have had bad experiences with eating out with ds, but fortunately ds doesn't get anaphylaxis, "just" hives, diarrhoea and for one allergen in particular, projectile vomiting (within minutes of him having it).

I have love/ hate feelings towards the fake allergy sufferers - they make eating out a nightmare but on the other hand, they've created a market for greater choice on free from foods in the supermarket, so...

Nannewnannew · 01/01/2019 08:06

Krustykittens A relative has the same lactose intolerance and we’ve had the same reaction from some people, automatically thinking we mean allergy! Love your user name by the way!

ForAMinuteThere · 01/01/2019 08:17

@likeyousaid perhaps it was a behaviour experiment. Some believe dropping gluten helps with that side of things. Perhaps she didn't want to admit it.

toomuchtooold · 01/01/2019 08:40

I just wanted to put in a good word for people with oral allergy syndrome - it's related to hay fever and the allergy is to various fruits, nuts and veggies - my worst are almonds, cherries, apricots and coriander. I'm only allergic to the uncooked food - cooking is enough to denature the proteins that cause the allergic reaction, which is not generally true of other food allergies - and it doesn't result in anaphylaxis, it's just a localised reaction (itchy mouth, sometimes an upset stomach). To be honest, when I'm in restaurants I don't mention it, I just try to avoid those ingredients raw which is usually fairly easy (Indian restaurants are a bugger for sprinkling coriander over dishes at the last minute but if I order a balti it's usually hot enough to cook it anyway). But just to say, if someone tells you they can eat something cooked but not raw, or if they say they have a nut allergy but they then go on to eat something that isn't guaranteed nut free - they might have oral allergy syndrome.

knittedmouse · 01/01/2019 09:08

These fakers are the same type of people who make a huge attention seeking fuss on Facebook when somebody else's relative dies and they pretend to be in on the grief.

spinn · 01/01/2019 09:16

The ignorance of the complexities of allergies, intolerances and sensitivities from those on here who are judging without knowing the facts is just as dangerous and damaging to the acceptance of food reactions as the people apparently lying about having an allergy.

We have oral allergy, sensitivity and intolerance and allergy across my kids and I.
When they are in the care of someone else it's a straight ban to avoid confusion, however if it's something we are providing or ordering we will look and review it and allow certain foods. This causes all sorts of issues in restaurants/parties at soft play etc because others make comments....I then have to go into a full discussion.
When I'm in control of the event, I will often ask for the allergy book and explain to the server that they can tolerate small amounts but not large amounts.

Examples for us are avoiding ice cream and cheese but ok with chocolate. Avoiding bread, pasta and pizza but ok with breadcrumbs. Or one of them can cope with 1 portion of dairy a day as their level of tolerance so they will.choose to have a big ice cream for dessert and avoid dairy in the main course.

When you spend your days explaining about the conditions you or your kids have, you learn the most effective way to simply and accurately get the outcome you need....this might not be pedantically correct but it works for your environment and I find when I speak with others in similar situations they do the same.

TeeJay1970 · 01/01/2019 09:18

People aren't told to fuck off often enough.

pluckett · 01/01/2019 09:24

My friend used to do this. I never got to the bottom of it tbh. I would take her young dd out terrified I might somehow give her dairy then see her in a cafe the next day eating a dairy filled cupcake. I even went back to check the allergens clearly stated on the label: includes dairy products.
I wish I’d asked at the time but I don’t see her anymore because amongst other things out simply she was a liar.

IrmaFayLear · 01/01/2019 09:26

Frankly, spinn, you do sound a pain in the arse.

We're all sensitive to something or other. My ds can't eat ice cream or much chocolate. He's not allergic, it just causes diarrhoea. He just doesn't eat it or only very small quantities. I would never in a million years accost party host etc and bother them about this.

Explaining to servers/soft play... asking for "the allergy book" (what the hell's that?!) all makes you that parent.

Unless your child has a serious allergy you just choose wisely off the menu or eat at home.

LittleCandle · 01/01/2019 09:32

DD1 has multiple severe allergies and has had since birth. She vomited all the time and we realised, once she was diagnosed, that she had been reacting to what I was eating as she got it through my breast milk. We knew she couldn't tolerate formula milk from day 4 and later discovered it contained beta carotene, to make it a more attractive colour(!). She has now, at 27, been diagnosed a severely coeliac and is struggling to get free from food she can eat, as a lot of them contain things she is allergic to already.

Eating out was a nightmare when she was a child. For DB's wedding, I went to the hotel and explained what she could have and when her meal arrived, some 'helpful' waitress had dumped a load of salad on her plate which contained vast amounts of grated carrot. I was less than pleased and told her to remove it and cook another chicken breast, as that one was contaminated. Twice the waitress tried to fob me off with the same chicken, but tiny bits of carrot had stuck to it. I finally went into the kitchen and the chef (who was a friend) went ballistic, as he had explained about 60 times to all the kitchen staff about the allergies and kept DD's food separate. She finally got her main course when we were all on our desserts.

She has a genuine penicillin allergy, but that didn't stop a know-it-all GP prescribing it for her, as 'there is no such thing'. I had the joy, when she was in her mid-teens, of taking her to Boots and explaining that if she wanted to have sex, she would have to carry the non-latex condoms, as her boyfriends would only have the latex ones. She would also have to ask what her boyfriends had eaten before kissing them. When she became pregnant, they were not sure if she would be allergic to her baby or not. She wasn't, but did not tolerate pregnancy well and lost over 7 kilos and any subsequent pregnancies will have to be micro-managed.

People who claim to have allergies and don't should be taken out and shot at dawn.

ThatWhiteElephant · 01/01/2019 09:50

The family are a bunch of knobs. The restaurant did the right thing.
My SIL does this, won’t eat anything with dairy as she is intolerant, but will scoff all the ‘dairy’ chocolate any time she can Hmm

Applesandpears23 · 01/01/2019 10:01

I don’t like prawns so often ask for dishes without them but I always say “I am not allergic I just don’t like the taste”. Presumably that means they don’t have to do any cleaning behind the scenes.

CrohnicallyEarly · 01/01/2019 10:06

I was told I have a penicillin allergy due to a rash as a child, and to avoid penicillin because they next time could be worse. When I was in hospital (years ago) they asked what symptoms I had because they explained there were circumstances where they would risk it. There are other antibiotics that don’t agree with me and it wouldn’t be worth risking those because I vomit most of the tablets back up undigested!

Jackshouse · 01/01/2019 10:06

Nquartz an OH GP told me DD had a reaction to penicillin which I did not buy. A year later she was in hospital with a horrible infection. They did give her penicillin because I said I wa sure she was not allergy. But they took her into a resus room and two doctors stood appropriate drugs in their hands watching her reaction. She was fine

arethereanyleftatall · 01/01/2019 10:11

I expect the end result of all of this, is restaurants will have to increase their prices for everyone across the board, to account for the extra work they have to do making special meals for so many.
Thanks fadders.

bruffin · 01/01/2019 10:19

I know 2 people who have genuine penicillin allergy. They have to be careful with cheese like stilton. One had an anaphylactic reacti9n to a cheese sandwich on a plane

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