If you tell them the restaurant that your child has a dairy allergy don't complain when they won't serve the child dairy!

[Cwtches123]

Relative is a chef currently working at a restaurant at family resort in the UK. He is always happy to cater to allergies but is getting increasingly frustrated by those who make a huge fuss about ordering a special main and then deciding to order a dessert full of the allergen!
Last week a family made a huge fuss that everything had to be dairy free for their child, no problem, all dishes dairy free, then they said child wanted the same dessert as sibling as it looked nice. Siblings dessert was full of dairy, parents insisted this would be ok (after previously stated child had severe dairy allergy) restaurant manager refused to serve it.
People like this give genuine allergy sufferers a bad name, I'm glad the restaurant called their bluff!
Parents were furious that the restaurant would not serve dairy to the child they had said had a severe dairy allergy!!!!

Well as usual there'll be no one coming on to the thread to admit doing this and we'll all rant and rage and it will continue. Because right now it seems to be that it's cool to have an allergy.

If you're reading this and it's something you do ... be advised; we've all noticed and it makes you look like a right twat!

People like this can fuck right off, makes it harder for me as a parent to get milk free meal options for dc, I know how much of a twat about it can be swapping utensils and the like because your kid can't have diary but you do

Mischiefinthewind I remember that years back when I was teaching secondary too - none of the kids in my tutor group had food allergies listed.

I brought in a big box of celebrations or some similar chocolates to share during tutor hour at the end of term. About 1/3 of the class piped up claiming nut allergies - obviously this seemed unlikely, they were all free to pick out nut free chocolates but I warned them that if they really had a nut allergy they should not take any chocolates, because there was a high chance of traces of nuts in any of the chocolates, as they were made in a factory which used nuts and packed together.

Cue a round of "oh its not a really bad nut allergy, I just can't actually eat nuts..."

When the box did it's third round of the classroom and only nut containing chocolates were left even the mild allergies cleared up in most cases and most of the kids helped themselves to something with nuts in it rather than nothing, and nobody showed any ill effects.

Obviously none of those kids had nut allergies, because if they genuinely had it would have been on the priority information board in the staff room (there were a couple of kids with genuine allergies up on that board, with photos and descriptions of allergies so that in a big school all staff would know about it).

They still tried it though - I guess many of those kids I'm picturing are parents themselves now actually as they were year 8 about 15 years ago...

I remember a girl I was at school with myself 30 years ago trying to claim over a period of several weeks when she first joined the school that she was allergic to water and had to be given squash with her school lunch - she was 12 or 13 and old enough to think that through and see why nobody believed her...

I absolutely don't understand why they'd lie.

I'm not saying this is normal or ok, but it could be that they have a very fussy child and have found that in some places when they say "can we have this dish but without cheese in it, because he doesn't like it" it gets ignored/not listened to, so they say dairy allergy to make sure its done.

My little sister used to be very fussy about water as a child, and wouldn't drink it in a restaurant if it had a lemon slice in it. My mum would always ask for just a glass of plain water, no lemon, and out it would come with lemon in it, needing to be changed. My mum never lied and said it was due to a lemon allergy but did get frustrated (mainly with my sister for not just drinking it, but also with restaurants for not listening to quite a simple request).

Again, I'm not saying its ok to lie as it does trivialise genuine allergies and cause a hassle for the restaurant staff (my OH has an anaphylactic nuts and seeds allergy so I get how hard it is to eat out with allergies and how careful they have to be about cross contamination), I'm just suggesting a possible explanation for their thought processes.

I think for the fakers it's an attention seeking thing... My 8yo DSS actually said to me 'I wish I was allergic to something...' really wistfully a few months ago 🙄 he was soon put right, but I can see how some adults feel the same, they crave the focus, and attention either for themselves or their DC as its 'glamorous' or 'different' and makes them 'special'.. But they don't actually give a shit about the real people with allergies or the extra, unnecessary work it causes for those cooking, or expense for those buying etc.

When I was at school we loved it if someone said you sounded a bit hoarse or raspy for some reason... Things have moved on, and now some people like to have fake allergies

I think for the fakers it's an attention seeking thing

For parents it's a mild form of Munchausen's by Proxy.e

I ran over to warn her that the bread wasn’t gluten free and she said she didn’t care and liked to eat bread as a treat.

FWIW it’s not unusual for people who have an allergy to gluten.
Some people decide that they will just cope with the consequence (eg severe diarrhoea or joint pain) because they fancy the bacon butty so much.
Others actually dint realise that the damage is still happening even if they don’t have any worsening if the symptoms.

I think this is where there is a huge difference between an allergy that creates and anaphylactic reaction (and is life threatening) and an allergy/sensitivity can creates havoc in the body but doesn’t have an effect as obvious and dangerous.

The reaction of the family is crazy though and smacks on entitlement. Entitlement to ask for very specific foods/arrangement regardless of the effort involved because they are the customer.
I suspect t they also don’t know how to deal oth their child’s tantrum if they can’t get what they want (aka their sibling dessert) because it’s nit suitable for them.

Good on the restaurant manager! My son has a dairy allergy and we always find restaurants helpful in catering for him.

Knew someone who worked at Domino's Pizza; they had a customer who ordered a BBQ base and then when they delivered the pizza with a tomato base (mistake by the company obviously) kicked off and screamed that her son was violently allergic to tomatoes and demanded compensation and threatened to sue. I'm allergic to tomatoes myself, so pointed out that the BBQ base's first ingredient was tomato anyway.

She was right to be annoyed that they didn't deliver what she asked for, but threatening legal action was clearly a step too far when she was talking out of her arse. Chancey fucker.

Well, ok.

Except my 2 year old is on the milk ladder, so I would make a fuss about some bits of dairy but not about others in a way that might not make sense to other people. Far easier to say ‘she’s got a milk allergy’ and then let her have a bit of my cake because I know it will be fine.

I’ve got an airborne peanut allergy btw, so I do take it seriously. And she’s got other allergies that I wouldn’t be nearly so casual about.

Just saying, maybe a bit less judging. Milk allergy is particularly odd one.

The thing is, mild allergies are possible. I have one, discovered when I ate a lot of the allergen at a party without knowing what the ingredients were and had my throat swelling up etc...

But I can be around people eating it, sample food with small quantities and get at worst a slightly itchy tongue.

It feels wrong to say I don't like it, because I actually enjoy the taste in very small quantities, but if I say I'm allergic some people imagine I'll go into anaphylaxis if it's in the same room (because they've heard that about nuts), and if I describe it as a mild allergy people always think I'm attention seeking/making it up, but it is important I don't have lots.

I don't tell restaurants I'm allergic, but I do ask if the dish has it.

I am intolerant to onion family and it's a complete pain in the arse when eating out and the staff appear irritated when you ask what is in a meal.

I nearly wept when I ordered risotto in a traditional Italian and they sprinkled finely chopped chives on it!!!

I am always clear I'm not allergic but it makes me ill unless it's fresh stuff been fried then well cooked. Any dried/reconstituted stuff or not cooked enough and I'm ill for 13 hours

DD has cashew allergy with epi pen, I desperately hope it doesn't spread and she develops allergy to more nuts and in minute traces although we've been told it's likely.

It's horrendous that people lie about this stuff

I organised a big family meal a few days ago and one member has gone from meat eater to vegetarian over the last year and then in the last month, gone vegan. There were 2 appropriate starters but no main course so we spoke to restaurant before and they were excellent and promised a vegan meal for this person, which they did.

Whilst eating this meal the person concerned confessed that they had some turkey during their Christmas meal as ‘it was Christmas’.
So not an allergy but a lifestyle choice but one the restaurant had to do extra for. He could have had a vegetarian meal (again, choice of two) from menu with no one being asked to do something extra.

I also think we need to be aware that a lot of people need to avoid some foods even though they don’t have an allergy.

Many people, with auto immune disease for example or bowel issues etc..., don’t have an allergy (which means they can eat said food, on paper) but choose not to because of how they feel in themselves if they do.

Eg i can eat dairy and dint have an allergy. However, if I do, I have some muscles pain (the type that wakes you up at night), I feel sluggish, have no energy etc.... so I avoid dairy at all cost because if the effect it has on me.
The reality is, that some times, i do have dairy. Because I dint want to inconvenience people (eg at my PIL). Because all the options available have some sort of dairy or the only ‘eatable’ option have dairy etc...
I pay the price for it. I know I will and also that it will take me time to get over it (eg at Christmas, PIL did a meal with lots of dairy. A week on, I still haven’t fully recovered).

queenie My DP just says peppers don't agree with him. That is VERY different from an allergy where utensils can not come into contact with the food. Just say you are not allergic to an item, but too much does not agree with you.

This threads opened my eyes a bit, I really didn't expect it was this common for people to lie about allergies!

DS started school in September and prior to this I was called into school to talk with staff about his allergies and they assured me all staff would know and that the dinner ladies would have a photo of him up with all the details.

The first day he comes home and says the dinner ladies gave him beans (they cause his face to swell up and his eyes to blister) despite him saying he's allergic. He told me they laughed and said no you're not!! Thankfully I've drilled it into him enough to not touch them.

This no longer surprises me after reading a PP's post about 1/3 of the class claiming to be allergic to nuts when none of them are people are pathetic!

And lots of people seem to think they are intolerant to gluten because of they eat a lot of crabs they feel sluggish, etc. Everyone practically feels like that after eating lots of crabs. It is normal.
Also eating too much food will make you feel bloated.
Lots of things people say they get that makes them intolerant, is actually just normal.

My friend worked in a two star Michelin restaurant (so multiple ingredients in everything) and had this regularly
I have no clue why people do this.

A grown ass man demanding a special prep area due to nut allergy which was so severe it would result in anaphylaxis only to then ordering two (TWO!) of the peanut parfait with peanut brittle because it looked so delicious
This is one example but something like this happened every other week.

My FIL does similar, type 2 diabetes so insists on diet coke then has massive sugary dessert. Baffling in both cases.

This is completely different and absolutely reasonable though - your FIL has to watch his sugar intake, so is taking steps to balance it. Plus, it's hardly an inconvenience for bar staff to do diet coke instead of normal.

And my sister claims her kids are allergic to lots of things. They have never had any allergic reactions. But she claims to just know they are.

sausage
It's because some people love to be drama llamas and think saying allergy makes them special. The problem is that makes it worse for people with actual issues. It's the same old story for people self diagnosing with mental health issues, internet diagnosing special educational needs.

queenie but then people could say they have an intolerance and shouldn't eat X. If they are consistent and honest then there's no issue there.
But people who claim they can't have gluten but then can have it on a Thursday when someone brings tasty bakes into work are ridiculous.

My lo is outgrowing his milk allergy, a year ago he was completely dairy free but he's now up to he final step on the milk ladder and can have everything but milk,cream,soft cheese (recently had diahorrhea after cream cheese so we aren't there yet) so it's not always so black and white. Although I can't see a kid needing things butter free but able to tolerate ice cream for example, it's hard to know if they where taking the piss without knowing the foods involved. I had no idea about food ladders before becoming an allergy parent and thought it was more black and white

However people do take the piss with self diagnosed "allergies", my lo also has a severe egg allergy that it's not improving as yet. Like a previous poster I tend to quickly drop in the word 'epipens' to get it taken seriously

People with lactose intolerance or allergy or children who are, I tasted my niece's vegan ice cream over christmas - Alpro vanilla. It was absolutely lovely, it really tasted like a very good quality normal ice cream. Vegan food doesn't have to be anything like as worthy and wholemeal as it was in the past I don't think I could stop eating meat completely but I could happily replace quite a lot of dairy with this stuff! @Withgraceinmyheart @ohwownosnow @Queenofthestress @ladybee28 @krustykittens @Graffitiqueen @SprogletsMum

I know a parent who has done this since her daughter was a baby. Her dd and mine have grown up together from baby club days and are now in high school. She told everyone her baby had a serious milk allergy and as her child grew was very involved in controlling her diet. Turns out she never had any allergy and did it to control other people ie. Nursery, family members from feeding her dd 'junk. I was so shocked when she admitted this to me I didn't know what to say. She told me as I was taking her dd on an outing and wanted to check what she could and couldn't have. Her reply was 'Xxxx is amazing at regulating her food and will instinctively know what her body can and cannot have.' The child was 6 at the time! She went on to choose a milk shake and ice cream with fudge cake! Our dd's have drifted now but still see each other from time to time. This girl will be the one attacking the chocs and sweets more than any other kid and I'm sure it has something to do with being deprived of any of this at home or when her mother is around.

I find that crabs don’t upset my stomach too much, it’s that pesky bread I can’t eay