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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU as a larger lady

128 replies

Deyes999 · 30/12/2018 22:30

Whenever I look online for clothes I always use the filter option to select my size which is a 20. Why do the majority of clothes then pop up for maternity wear!! Not every size 20 woman is pregnant... may be they should have 2 options when selecting larger sizes such as 20 (pregnant) or 20(just fat) grrrrrr

OP posts:
girlwithadragontattoo · 31/12/2018 15:42

I live in Portugal and have to get clothes and bra's shipped over, their version of say XXL is like a size 14!! I'm a 36HH and have to order my bra's online as well, i usually have to wait about 2 weeks and hope that the item actually fits me

Polskieexpat · 31/12/2018 15:45

I am currently 32 weeks pregnant. Maternity clothes are cut differently, they make space for belly. My boobs and tummy are much much bigger than usual but everything else has stayed the same. I hate having anything squishing my tummy at the moment so love maternity clothing! I don't understand why retailers can't provide the same clothes across all sizes. Makes absolutely no sense to me whatsoever.

DanielRicciardosSmile · 31/12/2018 15:51

I've never noticed the maternity thing, but it's so annoying to filter by size and 6, 8, 10 and 12 have 307 results and 18 and 20 have 15, of which 11 are the sort of thing your Gran wore in the 1970s and 2 are nightshirts.

DanielRicciardosSmile · 31/12/2018 15:54

I absolutely don't think 'fat shops where fat people can shop should be the norm.

What would you like us to do then? Wear sackcloth and ashes? Or just never leave the house in case we offend you?

IncyWincyGrownUp · 31/12/2018 16:12

Ah, poor people who imagine people like me give any fucks for their opinion of my sartorial choices.

You might dress for society, I dress for myself. Tonight I’m off out wearing an epic lace minidress. Full arm coverage because I can’t be bothered taking a coat out, but I’m a dreadfully wobbly 26/28. Hopefully if you see me you will just faint and not have to expend any energy on being a vile person. I’ll just be with my friends having a laugh and a gin. Dressing for my own pleasure has been a revelation this last year. Learning not to give a damn about other people’s opinions has been even better.

(Asos is where it’s at for me, teamed with snag tights. All the dresses!)

Frittata · 27/05/2019 07:42

Not sure if you're a knuckle dragger or just hard of thinking.
GrinGrin

Liverbird77 · 27/05/2019 07:53

I am disgusted by the fat shaming comments on here. Everyone has the right to decent clothing.
On a related point, I am sick of "tiny" being seen as the ideal, and most shops cater to this "ideal". I am 5'11" and could stand to lose some weight. Even at my skinniest though, I am still broad shouldered, with wide hips and really long legs. A lot of clothing will just never fit me and I am not prepared to waste my life lamenting the fact

80sMum · 27/05/2019 07:57

I bought some trousers from Amazon recently, in UK size 12. The size label inside says XXL! I think they were from China. Goodness knows how larger ladies get on with clothes shopping there!

YouBumder · 27/05/2019 08:06

Plus size here and I have never experienced this.

BonAccordSpur · 27/05/2019 08:08

I detest buying clothes online..especially the perils of 2nd-guessing what a delivery order will suprise me withHmm spent my life attempting amatuer "seamstress-ing"..buying size16 jeans/trousers&literally cutting a deep V shape out of the back(waistband to mid hip region) &re-sewing as ive always found it incredibly hard to shop for my size10-12 waist&16ButtHmm its only wrap-over style stuff &drawstring pants/lycra that i dont have to 'fix up'!

BuildBuildings · 27/05/2019 08:11

@MissusGrinch2018 so should fat people be naked until they are thin? Stupid fucking comments like this are what contribute to fat people feeling terrible about themselves. Which makes it harder to lose weight. Do you think that people don't know how socially unacceptable they are? Would you like them to have a fat person uniform, maybe a hessian smock?

Your lack of empathy and understanding is awful. I feel sad for the people who know you irl if this is your approach to other humans.

YoghurtPlease · 27/05/2019 08:15

I noticed the other day that Monsoon (who have had a real turnaround for the better recently IMO) are showing clothes with models of two different sizes. Completely brilliant, well done them!

BuildBuildings · 27/05/2019 08:16

@Liverbird77 I haven't read a single thread here about being fat or weight loss for dat people that doesn't attract the fat shamers. It's sad because they're just making an issues they obviously find disgusting harder for people experiencing it.
I wonder how unacceptable it would be if people talked this way to posters experiencing addiction or mental heal issues?

AuditAngel · 27/05/2019 08:16

I am a size 20-22 and often use Curvissa to buy clothes.

Unfortunately my youngest is currently quite chunky, she is normally just solid, but at the moment is a bit chubbier than normal (I hope she is about to have a growth spurt, as my son has, then the chub will disappear). Her school summer dresses fitted on the body, but were miles too narrow on the shoulder. She was complaining the arms were too tight and hurt if she puts her hand up. I tried two different styles. I could have spent ages altering the seams under the arms, but the shoulder of the dress was still an inch too narrow (she’s 8) I just bought her the plus fit, job done,

firstimemamma · 27/05/2019 08:19

I always see adverts for Simply Be etc everywhere, lots of choice as far as I can see.

KittyWindbag · 27/05/2019 08:20

If shops treated the plus size community like actual human beings who want to dress stylishly, fashionably, heaven forfend - wear MINISKIRTS - they’d be doing a lot better. There’s a million reason ASOS thrives but a big one is they are superb caterers for plus size market. Plus size people have money to spend. They want to buy clothes. They deserve to have as many options as anyone else. Don’t worry, you can’t catch fat Hmm

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 27/05/2019 08:21

I once bought a Joules top in the sales, and a friend who didn't have a Joules shop anywhere near really liked it, so I tried to get one for her. It was out of stock online.

She is certainly not fat, but has a big bust and wanted it on the loose side, so having tried mine she thought a 20 would be right.

No,luck locally but I tried ringing every Joules shop within several miles.

The Clapham (Northcote Rd) branch told me very sniffily that they didnt stock size 20!

I did manage to run one to earth eventually though.

Grumpymug · 27/05/2019 08:28

I absolutely don't think 'fat shops where fat people can shop should be the norm.

Unfortunately I'd probably get sacked if I turned up for work naked because there were no 'fat shops' for a 'fat person' to shop at. And a tent/sackcloth would definitely impact on my ability to work effectively, from a physical pov........ I do move, for the duration of my shift actually, as shocking as that may be to dispel the myth that all fat people are lazy and don't move.

I have a fat arse and thighs, and though not really tall, I struggle to find work trousers that fit my thighs and arse and don't fall down to my hips and give me a builders bum because they gape on the waist, and that are long enough. Find a lot of size 20 trousers don't have a long leg option. I've also got broad shoulders and decent boobs and then it narrows to my waist so I end up with shirts that are either too tight on my shoulders and bust or flap around my middle like a flag in the breeze every time I move, they also make me look bigger than I am and I get caught on stuff as I walk past. Have a friend handy with a sewing machine and I normally buy a 20 so they fit arse/thighs/shoulders/bust and she takes the waist bits in.
I'm not spending a fortune on clothes that get wrecked at work, though maybe that should be my penance for being a different shape to others?

lubeybooby · 27/05/2019 08:32

oh give over - I'm also larger and this happens with any size.

they just then show you everything in that size including petite, tall, maternity, etc

gamerwidow · 27/05/2019 08:33

I absolutely don't think 'fat shops where fat people can shop should be the norm

Do you think that thin people will see these fat shops and think shit I better eat some cake quick so I can get me some of those clothes.

Fat people being able to buy clothes that fit doesn't make a difference to anyone else weight.

Clankboing · 27/05/2019 08:34

I've just looked in Yours. I know this is boring but it has such sensible clothing in it. I'm 14 so they don't fit me but I think I might try to get to a 16 just to fit in them.

Thequaffle · 27/05/2019 08:36

**I absolutely don't think 'fat shops where fat people can shop should be the norm.

  • agree. shops should carry a range of sizes for everyone. And if someone wants to wear a bloody mini skirt then they should be allowed to without being shamed about it. Jeez, everyone just needs to mind their own business when it comes to other people’s bodies.
gamerwidow · 27/05/2019 08:38

Clankboing I also have Yours envy such good shapes for women with boobs and hips.
I wish the size 12 end of the market would realise that I am not straight up and down.

StCharlotte · 27/05/2019 08:38

Nearly 40 years ago when I was in my teens and a size 16, I went to a party in a very pretty cotton floral dress from "Evans Outsize" (as it was called then) as that was the only shop for my size (apart from Dotty P occasionally). I felt like the bee's knees. My hair looked great, I had a lovely face and I was looking forward to my first "grown up" party.

I had the piss ripped out of me mercilessly for the whole night. I was like a freak in the corner with people poking me with verbal sticks. I couldn't even leave as it was quite a long way from home and we were staying the night.

All the other girls were - almost without exception - were wearing black polyester (in its nastiest form) jumpsuits with matching jackets. It was a fashion of its time. I'm a pretty resilient type but this nearly broke me.

For the next few years I dressed like a middle aged lady because that's literally all there was to buy.

Thank GOD there are plenty of plus size outlets now selling fashionable stuff so no one has to go through that shit any more. I remember buying a velvet mini skirt in my 20s. I still wear it now because I have always had great legs.

Could I have lost weight then? I really don't think I could. I had a healthy diet and did ballet training three times a week.

Some people are just naturally heavier and honestly no one is or should be aspiring to be fat, so just quit with the fat shaming.

Tessalectus · 27/05/2019 08:43

It works both ways at either extreme. I'm a size 4, petite overall. It's pretty much impossible to find anything that doesn't hang off me like a sack of potatoes in most mainstream shops.

Similar with shoe sizes; I have small feet.

It's market-driven and at a size of 20+ you are still just as rare as me at a size 4.