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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - New York?

115 replies

Croft1971 · 30/12/2018 16:34

DS is going skiing with the school Feb half term. Whilst he's away DH, DD and I are considering going to New York for a few days to visit friends. AIBU to go without him? I know he'll be away enjoying himself anyway but can't help thinking it's not right. Plus I think he'll be really miffed when we tell him.
TBH the only reason we can even contemplate going is that it will just the 3 of us to pay for so prob wouldn't even be an option for the 4 us until way down the line.

Please tell me i'm being ridiculous and it's not as if he's being left out of it at home!

OP posts:
LoniceraJaponica · 30/12/2018 16:38

You are being ridiculous. Have a great trip.

Did that help?

Casablanca78 · 30/12/2018 16:41

I think I’d be more worried about being so far away in case something happened. It’s a skiing trip after all, what if he got injured?

But no, in your situation I wouldn’t take one child and not the other, especially as you say you know your DS would mostly likely be upset by it. Taking one less child isn’t that much of a price difference anyway.

I’m actually going in Feb with just my daughter but my son is only 2 and he wouldn’t know/care plus NY isn’t really suitable for a toddler so he’s staying home with DH.

Notatallobvious · 30/12/2018 16:42

This is a tricky one. How old is he and is NYC somewhere he would love to go? I think I’d struggle to go away somewhere like that without one of my DC whilst taking the other one. If it was an adults only trip that might be different.

CheeseGirl4 · 30/12/2018 16:43

It seems pretty unkind to leave one family member out of such an exciting trip, especially as he didn't get an option on which he preferred. Could you go away somewhere a bit less high profile instead?

MissConductUS · 30/12/2018 16:44

I would just ask him how he would feel about it.

I'm a NY'er and we love our British visitors, so please do come. Smile

TechnicalSergeantGarp · 30/12/2018 16:45

Same as not

I think it's a little unfair.

Satsumaeater · 30/12/2018 16:47

I wouldn't leave the UK while my ds was away on a school trip in case something happened. Especially another continent.

Cherries101 · 30/12/2018 16:47

You should go. If you can’t afford a family holiday and he has a job that allows him holidays, of course you should go by yourselves!!

LovingLola · 30/12/2018 16:49

Would he have chosen to go on the ski trip if the alternative was a trip to NY ?

Idontbelieveinthemoon · 30/12/2018 16:50

I went skiing to Italy as a teen with school and managed to break my leg. My Mum was away on a holiday with friends and so it fell to my Dad to fly over and deal with me. We've never let her forget it. (I'm joking, she's lovely).

Go, enjoy yourselves, just pre-check the flight costs/times in case of emergencies.

pamplemoussed · 30/12/2018 16:51

I would go on the understanding that you will take him to nyc / somewhere else nice when dd is on her school ski trip or equivalent.

Original poster
Croft1971 · 30/12/2018 16:51

DS 13, DD 11

OP posts:
swingofthings · 30/12/2018 16:53

If you'd given him the choice between NY and ski and he'd pick ski, then it would be no issue but to arrange a family holiday without him when he's away is sneaky. He might feel that you're happy to go without him hence picking that time.

Alternatively he might not care at all. You know your ds.

SwedishEdith · 30/12/2018 16:53

If it's somewhere he'd love to go then, no, I couldn't leave him out.

GloryforGloves · 30/12/2018 16:53

I wouldn't leave the UK while my ds was away on a school trip in case something happened. Especially another continent.

I really don’t understand this. You wouldn’t be in the same country as your DC anyway if they are skiing and would need to travel to them. Flight time is about 8 hours to New York anyway. It’s around the same time for most of Europe. It’s not going to make a whole lot of difference.

Not to mention that with that attitude, DC could be injured whilst staying with granny riding their bikes. So you’d never be able to travel ‘just in case’.

Original poster
Croft1971 · 30/12/2018 16:58

I actually think he would probably love the idea of NY more than the reality, and once he was there he'd prob prefer to be skiing.
But don't think he'd see it that way beforehand

OP posts:
NorthernKnickers · 30/12/2018 16:59

I'd go! Why wouldn't you go? As long as you have good insurance you can get back easily enough if anything untoward happens. Your son's school will have adequate insurance too, so no need to worry on that score either. He will be having a blast skiing, why shouldn't you also have a great time? It isn't selfish to want to have an equally enjoyable time...it's not like he's going to be left at home doing nothing! He'll be on holiday, skiing. You'll be in holiday, visiting friends. Enjoy 😊

ForalltheSaints · 30/12/2018 17:05

You are going to visit friends. Who happen to live in New York. What's wrong with that?

billybagpuss · 30/12/2018 17:11

We did this with a much older teen who went to India and we had a week in Italy, she whinged big time despite hers being by far the bigger adventure.

Celebelly · 30/12/2018 17:14

I think if it was just you and your husband it would be a no-brainer, but I do think it might be a little unfair to take one child and the other miss out on somewhere like New York. Maybe raise the idea and see how he reacts?

TidyDancer · 30/12/2018 17:16

I wouldn't do this, particularly as you say finances are an issue and it doesn't sound like this trip will be repeated with DS. He may well resent this and understandably so.

Yabbers · 30/12/2018 17:16

I'm a NY'er and we love our British visitors, so please do come.

@MissConductUS

We’ll be there in July, get the kettle on 😂

Tell me it’s absolutely brilliant for accessibility, we’re nervous it will be difficult.

Planesmistakenforstars · 30/12/2018 17:17

Go. He is spending the week doing something he enjoys that you've paid for. He isn't missing out. Take DD away so she gets to have a trip away at the same time as her brother.

EachandEveryone · 30/12/2018 17:19

As someone who adores nyc i think this is really mean!

AGHHHH · 30/12/2018 17:19

Flight time is about 8 hours to New York anyway. It’s around the same time for most of Europe

Have I misread or are you saying tha the flight time from UK to Europe would be around the same time as going to New York anyway? Most of Europe is 1.5 - 3 hours away...