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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - New York?

115 replies

Croft1971 · 30/12/2018 16:34

DS is going skiing with the school Feb half term. Whilst he's away DH, DD and I are considering going to New York for a few days to visit friends. AIBU to go without him? I know he'll be away enjoying himself anyway but can't help thinking it's not right. Plus I think he'll be really miffed when we tell him.
TBH the only reason we can even contemplate going is that it will just the 3 of us to pay for so prob wouldn't even be an option for the 4 us until way down the line.

Please tell me i'm being ridiculous and it's not as if he's being left out of it at home!

OP posts:
AGHHHH · 30/12/2018 17:20

I'm confused [santa]

SwedishEdith · 30/12/2018 17:20

Take DD away so she gets to have a trip away at the same time as her brother.

But, presumably, she'll also get the skiing trip in a few years?

ChelseaBabbage · 30/12/2018 17:22

I wouldn't go without him, especially if you think he would mind. Your DD will no doubt get her turn at a school trip sometime.
It's unfair and not worth, it kids don't forget things like that.

Original poster
Croft1971 · 30/12/2018 17:22

Arrrgh I've split the crowd Confused

OP posts:
Bringbackthestrioes · 30/12/2018 17:23

I think it would be unfair and could cause resentment.

Flight time is about 8 hours to New York anyway. It’s around the same time for most of Europe. It’s not going to make a whole lot of difference.
There is a huge difference- where on earth do you live that a flight to France/Switzerland/Italy would take 8 hours? Manchester to Gstaad/Chamonix is 2 hours.

ILoveChristmasLights · 30/12/2018 17:24

Massively unfair for you and DH to take DD on a family trip to NY while DS is on a school trip. Massively. (DD will get her school ski trip in a couple of years). I can’t believe you’re even considering it.

The unfairness of it aside, IMO, if you can’t afford one more ticket for DS you can’t afford to be spending that money on going to NY anyway.

SheWoreBlueVelvet · 30/12/2018 17:24

I might go if it was just me and DH. I wouldn't go with only one sibling.

Skiing is actually quite a high risk holiday for injuries. it's going to be a complete ball ache coming back if anything serious happens. And annoying for him if he's had to sit out for half of the holiday and then come back and listen to you lot.
In fact probably will be annoying for him listening to the rest of you even if he has the best time.

I'd save the money and go together next year or go somewhere fun in Europe.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 30/12/2018 17:25

Run it past him, might be fine but I couldn’t do it if he was upset.

We did NY last year with our teens and have lovely family memories and photos .... it’s not like a week AI by a pool. You talk about affordability as well which means you prob won’t do it again, same as us, it’s a lot of money.

Yabbers · 30/12/2018 17:28

Massively unfair for you and DH to take DD on a family trip to NY while DS is on a school trip.

Nonsense. Everyone gets a holiday, and when DD has her skiing trip, They can do the same with DS.

GloryforGloves · 30/12/2018 17:29

Have I misread or are you saying tha the flight time from UK to Europe would be around the same time as going to New York anyway? Most of Europe is 1.5 - 3 hours away...

No, I’m saying to get from UK to New York would be roughly the same as Switzerland to New York - you wouldn’t need to add the additional travel home and go from there. If (and an absolute massive if) you needed to travel back it would add an additiona 5-6 hrs or so - but that is still a very stupid reason to not travel. You DC could be injured at any time - if you don’t travel because they might be injured why on a trip then realistically you could never travel “just in case”.

Original poster
Croft1971 · 30/12/2018 17:31

This will be DS's second ski trip and whilst DD will have other opportunities, she is not interested in skiing.

OP posts:
rookiemere · 30/12/2018 17:32

YABU.

If this was what you were going to do you should have offered DS the options at the time of booking the school ski holiday - NY or skiing.

Unfair for him to miss out now. Perhaps your trip is expensive and you can only afford for 3 of you to go rather than 4 because you're only now considering getting flights for half term.

brizzledrizzle · 30/12/2018 17:32

I think I’d be more worried about being so far away in case something happened. It’s a skiing trip after all, what if he got injured?

I wouldn't do it for this reason and because I'd want to save going on holiday until we can go as a family.

IceRebel · 30/12/2018 17:34

TBH the only reason we can even contemplate going is that it will just the 3 of us to pay for so prob wouldn't even be an option for the 4 us until way down the line.

Surely it can't cost that much more for 4 people than it does 3? It's not like he would cost you adult prices. Confused

DotForShort · 30/12/2018 17:35

I wouldn't. It doesn't seem fair to leave him out. Presumably your daughter will have the opportunity for school trips later. However, your son won't have the chance to visit NY during his sister's school trip in a year or two, I assume. So it isn't really treating them fairly IMO.

Original poster
Croft1971 · 30/12/2018 17:35

Ski trip was booked 18 months ago. Our friends (which includes DD;s best friend) moved out there in August so def no opportunity to have originally discussed with DS.

OP posts:
Original poster
Croft1971 · 30/12/2018 17:37

DS may well actually have the opportunity to do the same whilst DD is on a future school trip. Don't see why it can't happen

OP posts:
Pigflewpast · 30/12/2018 17:38

No way would I leave him out. One of our dd went on a massive school trip of a life time last year, meaning we could have gone somewhere cheaper as one less. We went to France and still felt guilty. If New York is a once in their childhood trip it is massively unfair to go without him, however much he enjoys skiing.

FunshineCareBear · 30/12/2018 17:39

If he'd been given a choice I'd think that was fine, but I couldn't do it if he was given no choice and would want to come.

By the time you'd paid for his skiing trip it wouldn't have been much extra to take him to ny? Skiing trips are super expensive at our school.

brownmoose · 30/12/2018 17:39

Of course you're not, have a great time.

Pigflewpast · 30/12/2018 17:39

Just read the update. If you can’t see why you couldn’t go again with ds in the future then why can’t you just go all of you together? Doesn’t make sense, if you can pay for 3 of you twice then you can pay for 4 of you once.

rookiemere · 30/12/2018 17:40

Can you price up going at Easter instead - play around with the dates?

Presumably you're either going to have a family room or Airbnb when you stay there so accommodation costs the same for 3 or 4 so it's mostly the flights that are the expensive bit.

fishonabicycle · 30/12/2018 17:41

Just go. We always took advantage of son being on school trips - went to Barcelona and brought him back a Barca shirt.

DotForShort · 30/12/2018 17:43

Oh, O.K. If you promise DS that next year he will have the chance to visit NY, that would help even things up. It seemed from the OP that this trip was unlikely to occur again due to finances. If not, fair enough.

I still wouldn't do it in the circumstances, though the fairness aspect may not be as large an issue as I had first thought.

bridgetreilly · 30/12/2018 17:44

I think it sounds a bit unfair, tbh. Just save up and all go together next year.