AIBU - New York?

[Croft1971]

DS is going skiing with the school Feb half term. Whilst he's away DH, DD and I are considering going to New York for a few days to visit friends. AIBU to go without him? I know he'll be away enjoying himself anyway but can't help thinking it's not right. Plus I think he'll be really miffed when we tell him.
TBH the only reason we can even contemplate going is that it will just the 3 of us to pay for so prob wouldn't even be an option for the 4 us until way down the line.

Please tell me i'm being ridiculous and it's not as if he's being left out of it at home!

Extremely unfair and I can't believe you'd even consider it. Would be totally different if he had a choice between the two but he doesn't.

We’re also going to NYC in July DH and I and 4 DC so costing a lot but almost the same price as a weeks AI in Spain. Don’t think I could have left one behind although I’m tempted now and again

Glory your stats are massively at fault. The average person is more likely to be injured in a car crash than on a ski slope in the course of an average year because you spend more time in cars than on ski slopes and most people don’t ski at all. But your chances of being injured in the course of a week’s skiing are a lot higher than your chances of being injured during a week staying with grandparents in Hampshire and maybe doing a day trip to Longleat. Skiing injuries are excluded from standard travel insurance for a reason.

My DPs took my DB somewhere on a holiday somewhere quite exciting and unrepeatable without me forty years ago, and if the country in question is mentioned in conversation I still point out that I wouldn’t know, because I’ve never bloody been unlike some people.

We had a similar but slightly different conundrum. Both DC were going on a school ski trip and we thought about going to NYC for a few days whilst they were away to celebrate a big birthday. When we mentioned this to the DC they were horrified and wanted us to cancel their skiing holiday so they could come with us. In the end we settled on going to Prague whilst they were away, as we felt it was nearer to their ski resort than we would have been at home and it was somewhere they wouldn’t be particularly interested in going to themselves.

Please don’t do this, it’s very selfish. Go another time when you can all enjoy New York together.

Just to throw in another option, I would go with DD to NYC for 4 days, and love having a few days exploring alone, on days she was with friend, and then taking her to a show etc (Or with the the other family). Then DH is home if necessary. Promise DB can have similar in a year or 2 when DD has school trip, either with you or DH depending on what the dynamics are in your family.

Totally separate couples trip at another time.

Not everyone enjoys exploring alone, I understand that.

Meanwhile, every ski trip I've ever been on, or from when I was at school, someone broke something. So obviously, statistically, it would be a terrible time for my family to go overseas!

No I couldn’t do this, totally unfair as he didn’t have a choice. Setting the siblings up for a lifetime of petty resentment because you wouldn’t wait so he could go with you.

Lots of kids get injured on ski trips. Save the trip until you can all go together

No I wouldn't do that.

I just don’t understand why everyone is saying it is ‘unfair’ for the DS, presumably he wanted to go on the ski trip, these are hugely expensive trips (I know because my DS is now away on a ski trip), the DD could equally be. Saying it isn’t ‘fair’ that her brother has over £1k spent on his holiday and she doesn’t .

I think children need to understand that holidays are expensive and that you can’t always do everything, but I would agree that one parent could go with the DD to NYC with the other parent staying at home in case of a Ski accident.

I wouldn’t leave the country if my child was on a school trip, it’s just not fair on the teachers. I can remember as a scout leader the problems of contacting parents when away on an activity, it can be a nightmare as so many parents see it as an opportunity to go away on a jolly without thinking through what might happen in case of an an emergency, and just leaving the number of a neighbour or relative is not always good enough if you need a responsible adult to make a long journey to hospital.

I would not do this as it seems very unfair.

The only possible caveat I would add is that it may be that he doesn’t particularly want to go to New York; I wouldn’t have been interested at his age, I didn’t like loud busy cities. And he’s old enough to have a viewpoint and be heard. So if there is a chance of that, I might consider offering him the choice - if he isn’t bothered about NY then you’ll go while he’s skiing but if he would like to go to NY then you’ll plan it for later in the year.

Don't go. It's not nice to exclude him from the family holiday.
All go together at another time.

@ragwort people are saying it’s unfair because the boy didn’t have the choice between skiing and NYC at the time of booking the school trip. And because the DD will have the same opportunities to go on school trips when she is older. If the DS has chosen skiing knowing that his family were going to NYC then that would be different.

I think a school trip is meant to be a lovely treat, not the booby prize because your family are doing something even more exciting, only made affordable because you're not going. I think it's mean. Just wait and save so that you can all go.