Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - New York?

115 replies

Croft1971 · 30/12/2018 16:34

DS is going skiing with the school Feb half term. Whilst he's away DH, DD and I are considering going to New York for a few days to visit friends. AIBU to go without him? I know he'll be away enjoying himself anyway but can't help thinking it's not right. Plus I think he'll be really miffed when we tell him.
TBH the only reason we can even contemplate going is that it will just the 3 of us to pay for so prob wouldn't even be an option for the 4 us until way down the line.

Please tell me i'm being ridiculous and it's not as if he's being left out of it at home!

OP posts:
adaline · 30/12/2018 18:24

I wouldn't do it, tbh. I don't think it's very nice, especially as DS never got the option to choose between the two, if that makes sense.

If you can afford for three of you to go in what, eight weeks time, surely it won't take much longer to save enough for the four of you to go?

PattiStanger · 30/12/2018 18:33

How do you know about the OP's ability to save? Why to assume without any information.

cardibach · 30/12/2018 18:36

Patti she’s saved enough for 3 to go to NYC in Feb...
Surely be Easter the extra could be saved.
NYC is not an ‘ordinary’ trip. Think it’s ok to go somewhere else in Europe if you want to, but not NYC. Not fair to DS.

adaline · 30/12/2018 18:37

How do you know about the OP's ability to save? Why to assume without any information.

I don't. But if she has enough money saved to pay for three people to go to NYC in eight weeks, she's obviously not short of cash!

PattiStanger · 30/12/2018 18:42

Maybe she's been saving for years, unless I've missed some posts (and I do find the app can miss out pages) she hasn't given any financial information, an extra person is going to cost £100s in flights, food, attractions etc

rookiemere · 30/12/2018 18:54

Ah ok so one of the reasons you want to go at Feb is to have some time with just the two of you whilst DD catches up with her pal.

Is there any way then that you can achieve that in a different way? Could DD stay with a friend or GP for a couple of nights and you could have a break in the UK? Just a thought and know it's not as exciting as NY but does mean you wouldn't go without DS.

NOTthepinkranger · 30/12/2018 18:59

If (and an absolute massive if) you needed to travel back it would add an additiona 5-6 hrs or so - but that is still a very stupid reason to not travel.

Confused this is one of the weirdest things I’ve read on here, 5-6 hours is a massive difference and how easy do you think it would be to get a flight you can afford from NY to wherever the child is? It’s fucking hard and expensive to leave New York in an emergency!

cuppycakey · 30/12/2018 19:06

I wouldn't do this, no.

GloryforGloves · 30/12/2018 19:34

this is one of the weirdest things I’ve read on here, 5-6 hours is a massive difference and how easy do you think it would be to get a flight you can afford from NY to wherever the child is? It’s fucking hard and expensive to leave New York in an emergency!

So, by that logic, you could never go on holiday and leave a child in the UK with a relative in case there is an emergency and you need to get back? The same thing will apply regardless of whether DC is back with GPs in UK or on a school trip somewhere else in Europe.

NOTthepinkranger · 30/12/2018 19:36

No I wouldn’t fly that far away and leave my child in the country but there’s an added risk on a ski trip of something happening obviously

GloryforGloves · 30/12/2018 19:43

That’s fine if you are consistent - my point was to the people saying they’d never go on holiday whilst DCs are on a school trip. Accidents occur every day in all sorts of circumstances (you are far, far more likely to be injured in a car accident than a skiing accident). It makes no sense whatsoever to say that you’d go on holiday and leave DC with GPs/friends, but won’t go on holiday whilst they are on a trip. It’s not consistent and illogical.

7salmonswimming · 30/12/2018 19:48

At his age, no I wouldn’t. Skiing is relatively high risk in terms of injuries, I don’t think school would thank you for being absent if he had to come home early. You’d also just be making life so much more expensive for yourself. If he gets injured, your insurance won’t pay for you to come home early.

If he has a close grandparent/relative who could be left in loco parentis, I’d consider it if he’s beyond the age of needing mummy/daddy in hospital.

I don’t think the disparity between the children comes into it for me. They’ll be doing more and more things separately.

More than any of this, however, is that I wouldn’t want to have a family holiday without one member of the family. Not nice for the three of you to have memories that exclude him. That sort of stuff sticks for years.

Sorry. I wouldn’t do it for all these reasons.

NOTthepinkranger · 30/12/2018 19:53

I also think them being on a school trip is completely different to being left with GPS but each to their own I suppose.

SheWoreBlueVelvet · 30/12/2018 19:56

Glory with respect that is bollocks.
Leaving your child with family is very different from leaving your child with teachers on a school trip. One knows you and children and has a vested interest in both. Especially if they are looking after them in the UK where they (and you )know how stuff works in an emergency,

The other has professional responsibility to all the other kids in the trip, safeguarding issues for the whole trip and a mountain of paperwork as considerations.

MissConductUS · 30/12/2018 21:02

@Yabbers accessibility is generally quite good. There are laws that mandate it (the Americans with Disablities Act, or ADA in particular) but there are exceptions for older buildings where it's too challenging to retrofit the accommodations. Have a read here:

NYC accessibility

Use the yellow arrows to scroll right and left through the articles and ring the hotel directly to verify their arrangements.

I'll book the kettle for July. Smile

GloryforGloves · 30/12/2018 21:30

@SheWoreBlueVelvet
The concerns of previous posters wasn’t who would be looking after the child in an emergency, it was that they would want to be able to get to them if there was an accident. I’m saying that if that’s your concern, logically you can never leave the country without your children.

StitchingMoss · 30/12/2018 21:34

Not a chance would I do this - NYC is often a once in a lifetime family trip and I wouldn’t leave one of my children out of that!

clairedelalune · 30/12/2018 21:37

As a teacher who has spent many a school ski trip trying to track down parents around the world of injured students, please could I advise against going. Ski trips in particular do often have kids being flown back early if too injured to make the coach journey comfortably (I hasten to add that most children do return injury free in one piece, but there is usually one with a broken leg!)

clairedelalune · 30/12/2018 21:40

And yes there is a huge difference between leaving child with relatives and the child being on a school trip.

Ericaequites · 30/12/2018 22:02

New York is cold as the ski slopes in February, and full of unpleasant folk all year round. The museums are expensive, and food inedible. The shopping is fair, but you have better choices in London. Don't go, and let your daughter go on an equally big school trip later on.

Yabbers · 30/12/2018 22:18

@MissConductUS

Excellent link. Bookmarked for the trip. Thanks for that.

After 8 years of having to book accessible holiday, I’ve got a travel agent on this one. She can do all the ringing round. 😂

MissConductUS · 30/12/2018 22:24

New York is cold as the ski slopes in February, and full of unpleasant folk all year round.

George III? Is that you?

SmallYappyTypeDog · 30/12/2018 22:35

@rookiemere February is the cheapest time you will get to visit NY. We Did New York, Niagara Falls and Toronto in February and including staying in a luxury Fallsview room in Niagara we spent just under £1600 including spends for 2 of us for 2 weeks. We got huge discounts on all tourist attractions due to the time of year. It was freezing but amazing!

mindutopia · 30/12/2018 22:38

Just go. That sounds amazing. Makes me contemplate a trip myself when I can be child free again (currently have youngest still bf). I used to live in New York and have a US passport but it’s been a very long time since I’ve been back. Have a great time!

Xmastinseltown · 30/12/2018 22:42

It would be really unfair to go and leave your ds out. And by the time your dd goes on her school trip, your ds will most likely feel too old to go away with you.