To wonder what's going on with Christenings these days?

[GunpowderGelatine]

Just been to a Christening and is it just me or have they changed in recent times? Not the way they're run (although there's definitely less Holy "stuff" to accommodate for non believers I suppose) but the way guests are. Today there's countless guests in jeans and t-shirts (men) or trainers and women have mini dresses and bodycon dresses on. This includes god parents. Sorry, I'm no prude, but you're in church not a nightclub. And no one sings the hymns! It was basically me and the vicar singing (which was painful all round TBH I'm tone deaf ) well known hymns as well. Is it just me or is this the norm now? one I was at last hear was similar and they had EIGHT godparents

I don't sing the hymns because I have selective mutism and have been unable to sing since my father died and I sang at his funeral. I wouldn't jude someone for not knowing them or singing along. Some people don't like singing and some people won't sing because they don't believe in it and it's all fine.

I don't need to be 'grateful' that anyone is going. I'm pleased that they are part of my religious family but that doesn't mean that they can be disrespectful in our place of worship.

A crop top is universally known to be inappropriate in certain situations. I'm sure if I turned up at work in a crop top, shorts and flip flops, I would be spoken to as it is not appropriate to the situation and surroundings.

It’s absolutely fine to not pray in church. gunpowder I don’t understand your point of view that it isn’t. How does anyone become a Christian if they already have to be one when they attend a church service?

Why aren’t people allowed to sit quietly, just as I would do during prayers at a different faith wedding service?

I wear jeans/cargo trousers to church every week (middle of road c of e in city centre). It’s a pleasure to have visitors at baptisms and tourists who wander in whatever they’re wearing and of all faiths/none.

I think a lot of the time people are unaware of dress code - if it’s an issue with the congregation then do what Italian churches in tourist places do: hand out wraps (for bare shoulders or thighs). Perhaps they could also pioneer some blinkered glasses for those who are offended/distracted by others’ clothing.

An that makes sense Gunpowder. I was thinking you meant the parents wanted the vicar to do a non Christian ceremony in the church which sounded a bit bizarre. My dc are used to church too but they much prefer the shorter services and the ones with less talking and more music.

@calamitycake

I really don't enjoy christenings at all. I know that's not the point of the thread but I inwardly groan when I receive an invite.

Don't bloody go then!

I'm sure they won't care.

I'm actually gobsmacked by the nastiness and vitriol from some posters here. And self proclaimed Christians too! So sure of what is right and what others should and shouldn't be wearing or how they should be living their lives. Thank goodness though to restore our faith in humanity some beautifully and gently put opposing views, also from Christians.

I think if you have a problem with people using your church for special occasions and then not going back you should take it up with your vicar/priest rather than throw vitriol at those who take advantage of this warm and welcoming stance from most churches.

Also, it's laughable to see the genuine outrage that people don't know even common hymns. Times have changed and Christianity isn't forced onto all and sundry these days. Those younger people educated in non Christian schools may never have heard them.

As to the dress, yes I personally would never wear a crop top or mini dress to a church service (even if my figure would allow!) But the sneering and judgement of those that do has undertones of snobbery and an ignorance of youth culture today.

All in all a very disheartening read.

If I can avoid going I do.

We do seem to have lost the idea of dressing up formally for an occasion.

^I agree. Such a shame as other cultures and countries put us to shame.

@dashitauntagatha

hear hear!

I wore jeans to my son's baptism - they were the only clothes I fitted in. I was pretty confident no-one was going to complain though since I'm married to the vicar . I hope everyone feels comfortable when they come into our church whether they are dressed to impress, casual, got skin on display (honestly no-one in our vicarage cares) or if their clothes are dirty or smelly - which does happen fairly frequently with visitors from our local homeless shelter. Something I love about the church of england is that the church is for everyone. We worship God, preach the gospel and pray but even if you want to do none of these things, whether you believe in God or not, whether you are an atheist or of a different religion everyone is equally welcome to come in. If they fall asleep, put their feet on the chairs, pop out for a ciggy, arrive high, refuse to sing the songs, roll their eyes, think we are all gullible idiots, they are still welcome.

dashitauntagatha
The idea of telling people not to come to church for ceremonies is unkind (although I do wonder why people who are atheists suddenly want christenings as it seems hypocritical).
Equally, it's not disrespectful to maintain a respectful silence during parts of a service you don't agree with. When I attended a friend's Catholic christening for their child I kept silent during the hail mary and I only had a blessing rather than communion. To do either would have gone against my faith.
Some of the views on this thread seem to be quite territorial over church and what church 'should' be which I don't find terribly welcoming.

I do think all should be welcomed in church, but do find it bizarre and inappropriate that anyone choosing to have (or choosing to attend) a family rite of passage in a church wouldn't dress in a way that's appropriate for the occasion and tradition of the church they've chosen.

@Itcameuponamidnight , spot on. ❤️💐

The last Christening I went to had an expensive john Lewis gift list

Not very Christian I thought.

I would dress smartly for a christening but don't think there's anything wrong with wearing jeans.

Jesus came to restore people's relationship with God. The story of the prodigal son had the father, who represents God, watching for his wayward son who had wished him dead (demanding his inheritance early) and then spent it on protitutes, becoming destitute and doing a job that is considered disgusting in society. This father ran down the road (so undignified and just not done) to embrace him while he was still filthy from his work. He restored this son to his family, gave him back the authority of a son and tree a party as he was so pleased that he had returned.

I do not think God cares what people come looking like. He wants to welcome them as they are. The welcome of the church should be as exuberant as that father who ran to meet his son. Is sneering at people's dress sense welcoming?

Most people have friends that are of a variety of religions or are atheists. You would normally attend ceremonies to support your friends although you might not believe in the religion. So you may well get a number of people who feel uncomfortable saying prayers or singing hymns.

I would expect people to wear clothes suitable for the ceremony. The church officials may not care what people wear, but it is not clever to upset people involved in the ceremony by being disrespectful.

There is a difference between recognising inappropriate clothing (e.g immodest clothing) and 'sneering' at people.

Whether you agree or not, certain clothing is inappropriate in a church e.g. a bikini top. Most people would have enough sense not to wear a bikini top or revealing clothing to church unless trying to be deliberately provactive. If someone turned up wearing a bikini top, I imagine the Priest would quietly have a word and offer a garment to cover. There would be no sneering or mocking involved. The person would not be asked to leave unless being deliberately disruptive to the service e.g shouting insults during consecration.

Everyone is very much welcome at a Catholic church and we have people from all types of different backgrounds (and fashion tastes!). However, there is an understanding that church is a place of worship and some respectful praticises need to be observed. Jeans etc. are fine to wear to church.

Non-catholics are welcomed and encouraged to participate as much as they would like (except taking communion).

Wow the local God bothered are a lot less judgy, the vicar is fairly casually dressed too. I guess it's church to some and more about spiritual wealth than keeping up with the Jones?
But for the ones that need to be proving something (the school entry believers and those who do it because of upbringing but not introspection) tend to stand out

I think @WhatisFreddoingnow explained it more clearly.

I don't really care whether people turn up to events in casual clothes, such as jeans. I would have said that I genuinely didn't care what people wore. Then someone turned up to a family funeral strutting around in black hot pants, and I realised that I could find some clothes and behaviour at certain events offensive.

It is not about showing status or wealth. It is about being totally oblivious to other people's feelings.

"When I attended a friend's Catholic christening for their child I kept silent during the hail mary and I only had a blessing rather than communion. To do either would have gone against my faith."

I would have done the same, but not even trying to sing the hymns and leaving a couple of people to try to carry the hymns themselves is a different matter. You don't have to be a believe to sing a hymn or Christian music. How would choirs ever cope if that was the case?

You don't have to be a believe to sing a hymn or Christian music.

No, but if you actively follow another faith or disagree with the words, it’s totally fine not sing.

"it’s totally fine not sing"

Do you disagree with every line in the song? Hard to believe.
You say it's fine, but if you've gone to a small service and quite a few people are refusing to sing like happened to OP, it's rude isn't it. If you are so opposed to Christianity that you can't sing even parts of hymns, why do you bother to go to a religious service? Why not just go for the food afterwards. It's really passive aggressive. Go and be nice or don't go at all.

We stick to jackets and ties at ours and as most of the family sing or hang sung in choirs etc and we even boast an organist or two you get good singing wherever this family goes.

I am however sick of people who dont' sing. I wish all MN parents woudl sing to their toddlers every night before bed and get the children singing in the car and have them sing in the school choir. Singing makes people happy. It would be a pity if we lost our choral skills in the UK.

Doesn't sound Christian at all. Offering a garment to cover up...This sounds a bit Mary Whitehouse and patronising.

And if I didn't approve of what someone in the congregation they wouldn't mind me covering them up with a tunic or blanket until the service was over?

This sounds more like a club for the chattering classes than the house of God.

If you are so opposed to Christianity that you can't sing even parts of hymns, why do you bother to go to a religious service?

They’re at the service to support the parents and the child. Singing is in no way compulsory. I’m a Christian and I think it’s absolutely right that people don’t feel pressured into taking part in a service unless they actually want to.

As a republican, I won’t ever song God save the queen. I’m glad I’ve got the freedom to make that decision. It should be the sand for non-Christians at a christening.