To wonder what's going on with Christenings these days?

[GunpowderGelatine]

Just been to a Christening and is it just me or have they changed in recent times? Not the way they're run (although there's definitely less Holy "stuff" to accommodate for non believers I suppose) but the way guests are. Today there's countless guests in jeans and t-shirts (men) or trainers and women have mini dresses and bodycon dresses on. This includes god parents. Sorry, I'm no prude, but you're in church not a nightclub. And no one sings the hymns! It was basically me and the vicar singing (which was painful all round TBH I'm tone deaf ) well known hymns as well. Is it just me or is this the norm now? one I was at last hear was similar and they had EIGHT godparents

*dont lack notnplease have 🤦🏼‍♀️

@whatisfreddoingnow

what is inappropriate about wearing a crop top? These are just society's convention. Just be grateful they are attending.

@Gwenhwyfar

Would you decline an invite to a Hindu/Sikh/Pagan/humanist wedding then?

It's possible to have friends and family members who have different religious beliefs to you and to want to share important moments like weddings and christenings and funerals with them.

They have come to lend their support to the individual concerned. Is that really wrong?

Why would I pray? I'm not a believer. I'm sure that many Christians would be very uncomfortable with reciting Islamic prayers for example. It's no different for me. As I said I actively avoid check services but I can't and won't avoid funerals.

@TheDustBunny don't attend church then. If that means missing a friends wedding or Christening then so be it, own it and sit it out.

And your lack of belief is absolutely NOT as important as other people's beliefs when you're in a house of worship. Their house of worship as well

It isn't an anti religion protest either. I'm just following my lack of belief. There's no protest at all. I sit or stand there quietly and respectfully. I just don't sing/pray.

I really don't enjoy christenings at all. I know that's not the point of the thread but I inwardly groan when I receive an invite.

I'll attend if I wish thank you very much, though in the case of weddings I prefer not to, but if a friend really wants me there I'll attend. I attend as a show of support for my friend, not as a protest. I know Christians who have attended weddings and other rituals belonging to other faiths and they don't join in with the prayers or singing, but they still behave respectfully. It's no different.

"Would you decline an invite to a Hindu/Sikh/Pagan/humanist wedding then?"

No, but that wasn't the issue. We were talking about someone who would rudely refuse to take part. Where have I said I would do that?

"They have come to lend their support to the individual concerned. Is that really wrong?"

I suppose one person not joining in the hymns would be fine, but in this case it seemed that most people did. I don't think I'd want my friends refusing to join in the hymns at my wedding so a few lone voices had to sing them with everyone else listening.

I've accepted invitations to church based weddings & christenings. I'm not a Christian and I've sung a few known hymns but I draw a line at the prayers. I'll sit at the back respectfully and wear conservative clothes. People need to know how to dress appropriately for the right occasion, which many people don't know how to anymore.

**delboysskinandblister

@whatisfreddoingnow

what is inappropriate about wearing a crop top? These are just society's convention.**

^Yeah in 1995 it was. I haven’t seen anyone wear a crop top in over 20 years!!!!

TheBaltictriangle
Very well put.
I knew it wouldn't be long before someone said it didn't matter if someone wanted to wear a bikini. It's not hard to dress for the occasion.
I wear jeans to church but would make more of an effort for a christening. I have supported my friend's evangelical church events in jeans and trainers as it's a casual church but when another friend had their child's christening in their Roman Catholic church then I made sure I had shoulders covered and looked a bit smarter. It's not difficult.

I still wear a hat for Christenings but in my defence, I am very, very grand

At my previous institution, graduation was a bit like op - skyscraper heels, evening make up, clubbing outfits. I wouldn't do that, but at the end of the day, it's up to the individual. I was taught that you don't bare flesh in a religious building (even on your wedding day) but the old ways aren't fashionable any more. I find there are far more satisfying things to be judgemental about

Fair enough not parting as that is an act of faith, but I'm not buying that "I don't sing hymns because I don't believe in what I'm singing". You're just being lazy or defiant. Singing isn't an indication of indoctrination, if I was on a night out I'd sing along to the Macarena despite not "believing" in sleeping with my DP's mates (which is what the song is about).

To not join in and leaving the singing up to others is just plain rude.

I haven't noticed any change. Ds was baptised recently and there were about 50 people there and we had a buffet and chat in the hall afterwards. I can't remember what people wore, mixture of everyday clothes and smart clothes I think. I've definitely not noticed less holy stuff to accommodate non believers, that would be really weird, like having less sport at the Olympics to accommodate the people who don't like sport.

And YY Maisy you can be a feminist and not subscribe to the "women can wear whatever they want any time" ideology. I would t wear a bikini to work because a degree of professionalism is required. What's "professional" is of course subjective but it's almost universally acknowledged that showing bellies and tiny skirts with no tights isn't. No particular rhyme or reason as to why those aren't professional, but that's what's acknowledged. Same with special occasions in places of worship 1 you just make the effort because it's the respectful thing to do.

Churches should be casual, faith is everyday, but that doesn't mean that you can't dress up for the occasion should you want to. I've found that it's only weddings/christenings and even funerals where people dress as though they're having a night on the town. Which I disagree with. A church is a place of worship. not a fashion parade and people should have a some common sense in how they dress and behave.

And I'm an almost 24yr old student. I think it's just a matter of respect. Both for themselves and the setting.

@elliejjtiny what I mean is there are fewer sermons delivered, today it was a hymn, then just the baptism, hymn and Lord's Prayer. Not the jam packed schedule I'm used to (but TBF there were lots of kids, including my own who are used to church, there so I'm guessing the parents wanted something short and sweet)

Singing a hymn to me is no different from praying. I don't believe in either so I won't sing. I don't give a fuck if that offends you as much as it appears to. My friends seem to have no issue with it when I attend a funeral or wedding. I attended Catholic schools so I've had to sing more than my share of hymns. I'm done with the forced indoctrination.

We do seem to have lost the idea of dressing up formally for an occasion. I think it's a bit of a shame in some ways because I quite enjoy it. But it's not a huge loss to the culture and some of the social etiquette around it is problematic in terms of what it illustrates and reinforces about gender roles and class. The hymns I am less sad about because, to be honest, they suck. Most of them aren't fun or particularly beautiful or meaningful.

I do think we are missing a step culturally with celebrations. As church participation has dwindled and the country has got more diverse we have failed to develop nationwide rituals that everyone can comfortably join in to replace the Christian ones that used to mark events and times in our lives. While diversity has value, shared culture does too and I think we could do with more things like secular naming ceremonies with widely understood and followed expectations that pretty much everyone is happy with, whatever their faith or cultural background.

It's probably because they're all going out to party that night.

I disagree that not singing hymns is indicative of laziness or rudeness. That's a highly ignorant view and imposes your moral compass on others. Hymns are devotional - prayers set to music - and many atheists or people of other faiths would feel very hypocritical and uncomfortable participating in them. It's also worth mentioning that for many atheists, their spirituality isn't just a hole where you think your faith ought to be. People have their own well-developed beliefs which may run directly counter to the hymns/prayers/chants that feature in your church services.

I remember as a teen rather belligerently asking my English teacher (who was very authoritarian and rule-focused) why she wasn't singing along with "Be Thou My Vision" in the school chapel, given that pupils risked detention for not singing. She replied "I'm a 47 year old woman, I don't need a "great father" and I don't want to be anybody's "true son".

Well they probably know the part that says DO NOT JUDGE and expect it to be true. Sadly in your case its not.

Went to Greek orthodox event once and made sure I was well covered. At the local c of e quite happy to turn up in scrappy sundresses. Blooming phone turned sundresses into undressed. Not quite that brave.