Bringing child with chickenpox to family party

[Eemamc]

Not sure if I am. LO cousin has just got chickenpox so still in infectious stage. MIL thinks it’s no problem if they come to family party tomorrow. We’re staying at IL until next Tues, so not a case of just staying home as party is here where we’re staying. She thinks it’s fine as all the adults have had chickenpox. My LO is 12 months, so I know unlikely to be dangerous, but it just doesn’t feel right to bring an infectious child to a family party. Will be no way of keeping the children separate at party or stop them sharing toys. Am I being unreasonably anxious? I know she will prob get it at some point, but I feel might be better if she were a little older? And an if she does it can’t be helped scenario, rather than basically guaranteeing it. Thoughts?

I'd leave now personally, the family with the infectious child should ideally stay home but as that is unlikely I would go myself. If that wasn't an option, is there a hotel you could book into for the night of the party?

I would not be happy. 12 months is still very little. My 7 month old caught it from his brother. That couldn't be helped as they are infectious before the spots appear.
My 3 year old was very, very unwell with it for 3 weeks.

Of course it's not ok to bring the child.

Is there any chance that any of the guests could be pregnant?

I'd do the same as Annie, any way you could just go out somewhere for the duration of the party? Soft play; walk in the park, car drive etc?

But then I suppose you'd still need to wipe toys when you arrive back, so maybe not best idea.

We live a few hours drive away unlike the rest of the family hence staying. The cousin will arrive tomorrow afternoon and may stay for another day after the party. No hotels with availability nearby

They will all think i’m a massive drama queen if I go.

DC2 ended up hospitalised at 11 months, not fun...

I would never deliberately expose a non verbal child.

I could also do with not taking a couple of weeks off work to look after sick child, never mind the invevitable loss of sleep etc.

YANBU. I would pack up my family and leave if someone was bringing an infectious child over to where I was staying.

It's incredibly selfish as they haven't asked you, you've a 12 month y.o. It's not up to MIL or SIL to decide that your toddler catches chickenpox now. It's a rotten illness, that they'll be sharing it with everyone else at the party!! 😮😮

That's awful that the parents can't see the issue.

They may think you're a drama queen but at 1 years old, chicken pox will be awful to cope with.

If they insist on coming, go home.

Have you told your mum that you don't agree and really aren't happy exposing your LO to chicken pox?

I agree that I wouldn't want to risk it. After all, it's you that will be stuck in the house with a cranky child unable to go to mums and tots etc.

If family insist that cousin is still invited, then I'd say I was going home early.

I would leave, so what if they think your a massive drama queen. They are being irresponsible.

RandomMess that’s what I thought, it’s tge not being able to explain it to her. I was 5 when I got it, it was miserable, but at least I understood

Not helpful for tomorrow but a vaccine is available privately OP.

YANBU. Pack your bags and leave.

Poor kid being dragged to a party when they probably feel quite rotten.

Chicken pox is no longer a have once, never catch again thing.

Both my kids have had it three times and one of them four.

For some kids it can be serious. You don't know which way it's going to go.

I don't think the cousin should be going. That's very unfair. Chicken pox parties are a thing of the distant past now.

I could also do with not taking a couple of weeks off work Even without deliberately infecting your LO, this is a very sound reason for not risking it.

You aren't being a drama queen, you're being a responsible parent.

And the inevitable question— where is your DH in all of this?

I think YANBU but your child has two parents and as it is your DH’s family let him stick up for your baby. They can call him “drama king.”

My dc ended up in hospital. Yes many children get it and it’s all fine but it can be horrendous. The younger they are (and you aren’t able to explain it to them) the harder I think it is.

I’d be out of there. What does your partner say? It’s his family. Why is he not considered the drama queen?

I would also leave with small dc. While most children get through chicken pox unscathed, it’s a massive pain in the neck to juggle work and caring for poorly child (or unpoorly child who still has to be confined to barracks as is contagious).

If I was a SAHM I’d probably be more relaxed about it. But not if working. Sure, they’ll get it at some point (unless vaccinated, in most cases). But you know better than your MIL whether now is a “good” time workwise to potentially be off for 10 days-ish (and whether your dh can share the time off. As is appropriate).

YANBU.

Personally, I wouldn't care what they think, and would leave before the party. Your MIL obviously won't be the one who ends up looking after a sick, miserable baby, so she shouldn't be the one who decides whether or not it's ok for a very contagious child to be near your baby.

Incidentally, I think the ideal time is before school but around 2/3/4. I think the immunity conferred below a year is considered less effective (I’m sure this was what I was told, no idea if true but friend’s ds got it at 3 months and then again at 8. My dcs got at 3 ish - separately - and haven’t had again tho 13 yr okd ds had singles recently).

My DC was actually unwell with something else as well as chickenpox (spots literally everywhere) but because she was non verbal she couldn't tell us what hurt etc,

It was awful.

I think he’s in the it’s probably fine camp, but he doesn’t know how uncomfortable I feel about it yet... wanted to sound out the AIBU first. I’ll have a chat with him when we can speak on our own. He might be able to persuade his sister not to come.