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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bringing child with chickenpox to family party

171 replies

Eemamc · 30/12/2018 13:06

Not sure if I am. LO cousin has just got chickenpox so still in infectious stage. MIL thinks it’s no problem if they come to family party tomorrow. We’re staying at IL until next Tues, so not a case of just staying home as party is here where we’re staying. She thinks it’s fine as all the adults have had chickenpox. My LO is 12 months, so I know unlikely to be dangerous, but it just doesn’t feel right to bring an infectious child to a family party. Will be no way of keeping the children separate at party or stop them sharing toys. Am I being unreasonably anxious? I know she will prob get it at some point, but I feel might be better if she were a little older? And an if she does it can’t be helped scenario, rather than basically guaranteeing it. Thoughts?

OP posts:
DeRigueurMortis · 30/12/2018 13:27

I think a lot of people underplay (or don't understand) how nasty chickenpox can be.

Equally it's not true that you can't catch it if you've already had it. Yes most people do gain immunity but not everyone.

I had it as a child - confirmed by the doctor but at the time not a bad case, my mum thought I'd got off lightly.

I got it again aged 18 in exactly the type of circumstances you describe from a toddler family member because everyone thought everyone at the event would be immune.

I was very, very poorly for nearly a month - missing school during my crucial A level final year. I was covered in spots - everywhere (even in my ears). My face was a mess and I was terrified I'd be very badly scarred (thankfully I ended up with most scars on my body rather than my face apart from a few which have faded over time).

The idea of a non verbal child enduring that makes me shudder.

Yes - most people will get it but deliberately exposing people (especially very small children) to it is massively irresponsible.

I wouldn't care if they said I was a drama queen - I'd leave because any hand wringing apologies after your child gets it won't be worth a damn.

BeautifulPossibilities · 30/12/2018 13:28

I think it's so so unreasonable to expose anyone. It's a disease which is regularly vaccinated against outside the U.K. ridiculous thing to do!!

Worriedmummybekind · 30/12/2018 13:30

If you have the money, pop to the nearest place (loads of pharmacies off it) and get the chicken pox vaccine done.

Frankly, if you are working, the £60ish cost is well, well worth it. Your little one will get it eventually otherwise. So protect her now, enjoy the family party and protect yourself against it in the future.

DowntonCrabby · 30/12/2018 13:35

I’d head home if the other family are definitely coming with the child. 12 months is very young.
It’s crappy manners from the other set of parents IMO.

User323676890 · 30/12/2018 13:38

Is it the cousin’s first child? I find people with one baby not in childcare are a lot less conscious of infecting other kids. Once you go to nursery and realise how strict exclusion periods are for infectious products illnesses you realise how easily things are passed on.

One mum recently brought her PFB to playgroup who threw up. She didn’t take him home, and seemed to think it was ok to just wait and see if he was sick again! A few of us picked up and left, as the inevitability of our kids getting the bug from licked toys etc. just wasn’t worth it.

I absolutely wouldn’t go with a 12 month old in those circumstances. Do not worry about being a drama queen. One of mine had it a 1y/o and it was horrendous. Much better to avoid until later if you can.

Nousernameforme · 30/12/2018 13:40

Don't make it a big deal just say I do not want dc to catch it so we are going to leave but give our love to everyone and we will see you in the new year.

User323676890 · 30/12/2018 13:40

Worriedmummy the vaccine wouldn’t be effective by tomorrow, even if she could get one on a Sunday...

ladyflower23 · 30/12/2018 13:41

As a pp said mu understanding is that if you have it under one year of age there is a good chance you won't get immunity and will have it again so this could be the case for your dd being 12 months. Both my DC felt ill for the first week and wouldn't have been well enough to attend a party. Cannot believe parents would take their infected child to a party knowing their is a baby there. It's pretty much guaranteed your DD will catch it and I would be going home if I was you and pissed off as it should be them staying at home!

thebaronetofcockburn · 30/12/2018 13:41

They will all think i’m a massive drama queen if I go.

So what? I'd be out of there. Wouldn't even give it a second thought at all. Some children get very ill with it, DD1 did. I have a friend whose daughter got staph infection from it and died.

*If you have the money, pop to the nearest place (loads of pharmacies off it) and get the chicken pox vaccine done.

Frankly, if you are working, the £60ish cost is well, well worth it. Your little one will get it eventually otherwise. So protect her now, enjoy the family party and protect yourself against it in the future.*

It doesn't work like that. You need far more than 24 hours for it to be effective.

Worriedmummybekind · 30/12/2018 13:42

I was told it would work up to 5 days after exposure and that was born out by our experience. Probably not possible until tomorrow, granted.

Worriedmummybekind · 30/12/2018 13:45

Ah okay, evidence is three days after exposure but point still stands that this is a realistic course of action.
www.cochrane.org/CD001833/ARI_post-exposure-prophylaxis-vaccine-to-prevent-varicella-chickenpox

TheyMostlyComeAtNightMostly · 30/12/2018 13:47

I can't believe this is even a question. No way I'd let my 12-month-old get infected with chicken pox. It actually is possible to die from chicken pox and resulting complications. Okay, so it may only be a 1 in 10,000 chance, but do you think that 1 family in the 10,000 would not regret it if it was entirely avoidable but they chose not to worry?

And even if you do choose not to worry about that, why would I intentionally let my kid get an illness that could make them and me so miserable when I could just... not?

I would leave now. You DC can get the vaccine in a couple of months.

Original poster
Eemamc · 30/12/2018 13:47

Ok, if hubby can’t persuade her to stay away, i’ll Say that we’ll go tomorrow morning. I don’t mind if he stays up for the party, I would have had to remain relatively sober tomorrow night anyway. We can drive up and pick him up in a couple of days. It’s the non verbal thing that’s my main concern. We did see cousin on Boxing Day, so it maybe possible that she has caught it, but I don’t want to guarantee IYSWIM.

OP posts:
YearOfYouRemember · 30/12/2018 13:53

My dd was 1 and caught it off her three year old brother. She was very poorly. The relative is selfish.

GraduationDilemma · 30/12/2018 13:54

Chicken pox is so very predictable that if you do go
when this child is contagious your child will catch it and 10-14 days from now you'll be housebound for at least a week.

My youngest got an excrutiating shingles flare up at 7 after getting it as a 6 month old it's the crappy gift that keeps on giving. Id stay away and get the vaccine.

Sometimes you have to soak up flak e.g. being presumed to Be a drama queen or whatever because it's the right course of action for your child and/or your family. They won't be babysitting a feverish itchy child come the New Year.

dementedpixie · 30/12/2018 13:56

If they get chicken pox under or around 1 year then they are more likely to get childhood shingles. Ds had CP at 6 months and shingles age 3 - was not pleasant!

Disfordarkchocolate · 30/12/2018 13:59

I would go, chicken pox for a 12 month old can be dreadful. I have horrible memories of my daughter catching it as a toddler, absolutely horrendous.

Original poster
Eemamc · 30/12/2018 14:07

Update. Hubby has now told his mum that if sister is coming we’re leaving in the morning. We won’t make a big deal, but we’re not hanging about. Good result I think!

OP posts:
Yabbers · 30/12/2018 14:07

I’d be packing up and going home. Anyone who wants to be so cavalier with my baby’s health isn’t someone I would be spending much time with.

ladyflower23 · 30/12/2018 14:11

Good work DH!

namechangedtoday15 · 30/12/2018 14:13

Good update OP.

I agree with PP *I think a lot of people underplay (or don't understand) how nasty chickenpox can be.

Equally it's not true that you can't catch it if you've already had it. Yes most people do gain immunity but not everyone.*

Not to alarm you but 2 separate (unconnected) have LOs who had strokes as a complication of CP. It's a little known side effect. One was v v poorly for a long time afterwards. It's rare, but why would you knowingly expose your child to this?

My own LO had it at 11.5 months and was really I'll with it.

Original poster
Eemamc · 30/12/2018 14:17

As we’re thinking of trying for another fairly soon, might be worth getting her vaccinated if she has swerved this bout. Anyone have experience of getting the vaccination privately?

OP posts:
Janleverton · 30/12/2018 14:18

Quite likely that your dc may already be brewing it, if you saw the cousin on Boxing Day. If they’ve just come out in spots now, and they were contagious for 5 or so days before spots appearing.

dementedpixie · 30/12/2018 14:29

They're only contagious for 1-2 days before spots appear so may not have caught it already

Helix1244 · 30/12/2018 14:34

I agree your dc is likely already brewing it as you are infectous before getting the spots. Especially if your dc have continued to play with the toys. Did the cousin look like they had a cold?
My dc had the vax at superdrug. I think it was £60 per jab - 2 jabs but i think that depends on age and you had to be at least 1yo.
But you can still get a breakthrough case.

Once your kid is at nursery CP goes around at least yearly.
Also sometimes people think kids have cp several times but it's actually hand foot and mouth of which there are i think 5 or so strains and you can get each one.