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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bringing child with chickenpox to family party

171 replies

Eemamc · 30/12/2018 13:06

Not sure if I am. LO cousin has just got chickenpox so still in infectious stage. MIL thinks it’s no problem if they come to family party tomorrow. We’re staying at IL until next Tues, so not a case of just staying home as party is here where we’re staying. She thinks it’s fine as all the adults have had chickenpox. My LO is 12 months, so I know unlikely to be dangerous, but it just doesn’t feel right to bring an infectious child to a family party. Will be no way of keeping the children separate at party or stop them sharing toys. Am I being unreasonably anxious? I know she will prob get it at some point, but I feel might be better if she were a little older? And an if she does it can’t be helped scenario, rather than basically guaranteeing it. Thoughts?

OP posts:
cabingirl · 31/12/2018 00:17

Also - why would you want to expose your sick child to a family party. I'd rather make them cozy at home and look after them. I have amazing memories of my Mum taking care of me when I was sick and how it felt to be looked after and nursed better.

Blankets on the sofa, family movies, Lucozade (with the orange cellophane paper) cuddles with Mum and Dad. Calamine lotion on the itchy spots.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 31/12/2018 00:23

I know kids that have had a couple of spots and been fine. I know kids that have been absolutely bloody miserable, bad temperature, not slept, complications etc. I think it's very contagious so no point just leaving for the party. Personally I'd leave. I don't think it's fair on you or your baby to expect you to say. When your kid is looking at you and crying in the middle of the night wanting you to make it better and you can't as you're already on the max dose of calpol (you can't take ibuprofen with chicken pox) I don't think you'll be thinking 'oh well we had a great time at the party so it was all worth it'.

I'd go home then get them vaccinated so you're not facing this dilemma again

Namechangeforthegamechange · 31/12/2018 00:30

I’d leave in a shot! Also the poor poor child with the pox being dragged out to a party 😞

PennyMordauntsLadyBrain · 31/12/2018 00:49

I'd get DH to message the group chat to "explain" that neither of you can afford to take the time off work to look after DC if she caught CP so you'll be bowing out before the party, but hope everyone has a great time.

I'd then pull up my judgy pants- poor child being dragged to a party when they're probably miserable with itching and tiredness.

Gth1234 · 31/12/2018 02:14

100%. I would not stay If they bring an infected child.
The parents of the infected child shouldn't come, of course.

Nodnol · 31/12/2018 05:50

I’d be out of there like a shot. I’m not able to have the vaccine but my kids have. When I caught it from a kindy child I was so sick I was almost hospitalized. The kids got a handful of spots each that weren’t even uncomfortable. They were also a lot older than 1! That would be miserable.

explodingkitten · 31/12/2018 07:02

People, Bucketlid very clearly doesn't have a medical degree. Ignore their advice, it's bullshit.

BlitheringIdiots · 31/12/2018 07:14

IF LO dodges it this time then get them vaccinated. We had DS12 vaccinated earlier this year as he still hadn't caught CP. no more worrying now. I was 21 when I caught it and it was nasty. Wouldn't wish it on a 1 year old.

IceBearRocks · 31/12/2018 07:55

Severely disabled DS had CP and was hospitalised for 3 weeks. He was sedated for 6 days & required morphine for nappy changing.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 31/12/2018 08:03

@bucketlid care to explain the two people I nursed several years ago who died of pneumonia as a complication of this illness you as a gp claim isn’t serious?
If you’re going to claim to be something at least try and be convincing Hmm

Gentlygently · 31/12/2018 08:03

Thanks Helix. It has happened twice to us. First time I went to the GP (separate waiting room after phoning up to warn them it might be chicken pox) and they said it wasn’t, but they didn’t know what it was. Second time as it was just the same I didn’t take them. No illness or anything, but it seems to coincidental for it not to be connected.

BikeRunSki · 31/12/2018 08:13

Dd has chicken pox at 9 months. I have never seen anyone so ill. I was away from home without DH, or I would have taken her to hospital.

Ozziewozzie · 31/12/2018 08:18

If my lo had chicken pox, I’d ask each parent of the other children whether they minded or not. When my boys had chicken pox, the child minder said to send them still as another child she cared for hadn’t had chicken pox and her mum wanted it out the way.
I would never let infectious children just come along. Some kids have weak immune systems and it could be awful for them.
Your mil is unreasonable.

thegreylady · 31/12/2018 08:20

Does anyone here remember a thread where a mum asked if she would be unreasonable to wake her toddler who seemed to be deeply asleep for a long time? Eventually the child was taken to hospital and was very very ill. The last I saw there had been fears for the baby’s life, they had been unfounded but there was anxiety about possible brain damage.
The cause was chicken pox.
That one thread completely changed my view of cp as a mild illness.

YorkshirePuddingsGreatestFan · 31/12/2018 08:26

I'm immunocompromised and work in retail. Chicken pox is airborne and spread by droplets in the air breathed out by the infectious person.

It makes me cross when people bring infectious children shopping because "oh it's just chicken pox, it's nothing serious." I even had one incident where an infected child sat on the seat next to me in the GP surgery while I was waiting for a routine bloods appointment to check my immunosuppressant medication!

Definitely stay away from the party and keep your young one safe. Yes they may catch it naturally at some point in life, but it's daft purposely risking infecting them with what can be a serious illness.

hollyhaphazard · 31/12/2018 08:32

Tell them you intend to get the vaccine so your LO doesn't get chicken pox.

lakehouse · 31/12/2018 08:34

I can't believe with a vaccine available so many are willing to let their children get this horrible illness! Some things are worth paying for without question and I would think children's health should fall in this category. It's so easy to do- major pharmacy, private GP, hospital- there really is no excuse for anyone's children to have chicken pox now.

countrygirl99 · 31/12/2018 08:40

Friends husband caught it off their daughter despite having had it as a child. He ended up with a badly infected spot and sepsis. He was in ICU for 3 weeks.

ThanksForAllTheFish · 31/12/2018 08:41

I would either leave or try to get your DD vaccinated if possible. I wish I had got my DD vaccinated but didn’t realise it was something I could do until it was too late. She’s had chicken pox 3 times so far (twice confirmed by a dr - 3rd time was no need as it was really bad). Each time it’s been progressively worse and she was pretty ill the last time with it.

I would not risk purposefully exposing a 12 month old to chicken pox. It can have serious side effects and from what I have read they are more likely the younger the child is.

k1233 · 31/12/2018 08:47

We had chicken pox as kids and ended up putting our grandfather in hospital with it... It isn't just kids who get it.

Everincreasingfrequency · 31/12/2018 08:48

Just looking at the nhs website and the reasons for not vaccinating routinely - it says it's because it is usually a mild illness particularly in children but the website also refers to a possible risk of increasing chickenpox and shingles in adults. Is that because the vaccine may not give lifelong immunity whereas actual chickenpox is more likely to (though as pp have said below, may not do so, even bearing in mind the potential confusion between chickenpox and hfm)?

Does anyone know why it's thought vaccination could lead to an increase in shingles?
Did a pp below say vaccinating is now routine in some other countries - that is interesting?

BikeRunSki · 31/12/2018 08:54

^
I can't believe with a vaccine available so many are willing to let their children get this horrible illness! Some things are worth paying for without question and I would think children's health should fall in this category. It's so easy to do- major pharmacy, private GP, hospital- there really is no excuse for anyone's children to have chicken pox now.^

It’s nit available on the NHS, so not everyone is aware of it (I only found out about it via MN after my dc had had CP) and also not everyone can afford it. It may be a small price to pay, but when families are struggling to afford food/heat etc, then it falls into the “luxury” category, rather than an everyday essential. In our case, DH was out in short hours (hours cut from 40+ OT to 24/week) when dd was 4 weeks old. That was a very tight year, but it was only a year. It was during this time that the dc both had CP!

CakeBeTheFoodOfLove · 31/12/2018 08:55

I think the vaccination can lead to an increased risk of shingles as you can only get shingles if you have been exposed to the CP virus - it is basically a reactivation of the virus. I suppose if everyone was vaccinated then the chances of more people getting shingles would be higher?

Hortonlovesahoo · 31/12/2018 08:56

@everincreasingfrequency: you're right that it's routine in a lot of countries (Spain for example). I may be wrong but I thought one reason that they didn't want to give it out here was the expense of it?

I always thought chicken pox was mild but it hospitalised my daughter. I would definitely goose a vaccine if I could.

Hope that there's some progress this morning OP.

CakeBeTheFoodOfLove · 31/12/2018 09:03

I had CP as a child but found out during my second pregnancy that I'm not immune. I have two DC who haven't had it yet (ages 9 and 4). I heard that the vaccination wasn't very effective in adults so I'm going to ask for antivirals when the DC eventually end up with it and pass it on to me. Hopefully this will prevent me from getting too ill with it.