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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bringing child with chickenpox to family party

171 replies

Eemamc · 30/12/2018 13:06

Not sure if I am. LO cousin has just got chickenpox so still in infectious stage. MIL thinks it’s no problem if they come to family party tomorrow. We’re staying at IL until next Tues, so not a case of just staying home as party is here where we’re staying. She thinks it’s fine as all the adults have had chickenpox. My LO is 12 months, so I know unlikely to be dangerous, but it just doesn’t feel right to bring an infectious child to a family party. Will be no way of keeping the children separate at party or stop them sharing toys. Am I being unreasonably anxious? I know she will prob get it at some point, but I feel might be better if she were a little older? And an if she does it can’t be helped scenario, rather than basically guaranteeing it. Thoughts?

OP posts:
agnurse · 30/12/2018 21:59

It is true you can still get shingles with the vaccine as it's live. However, the risk of developing shingles is greater if you've had the illness than if you've had the vaccine.

Sexnotgender · 30/12/2018 22:00

YANBU, glad your DH is on board.

My DD got chickenpox at about 7 and ended up horribly ill in hospital.

Notquiterichenough · 30/12/2018 22:03

DS2 caught chicken pox at 4 months, had shingles at 8 years. GP said there was a link with under 12 months catching chicken pox.

LittleAlbatross · 30/12/2018 22:04

Glad you're going. DD got it from her brother when she was one. She got one on her eyeball but it was under her eyelid so we had no idea it was there and she obviously couldn't tell us. We only found it when it got infected and her eye started weeping. She could have lost her eyesight in that eye.

ilovecherries · 30/12/2018 22:06

My daughter got it at 15 months, childcare setting, couldn’t be helped, was almost inevitable. But she was seriously unwell, barely had a patch without a spot at one point, and ended up in hospital for four nights. I accept they can get it anywhere, and if they do, you just need to deal with it, but I wouldn’t be deliberately exposing them at that age. It was hideous, it’s not always the minor illness that people assume it will be. I’d be heading home.

Gentlygently · 30/12/2018 22:07

Question for those who have vaccinated children. DS has had the vaccine. CP has gone round nursery a few times since he had the jab and he hasn’t had it but he has sometimes got one or two itchy raised but not liquid filled spots at the same time that CP is going round. Has this happened to anyone else?

Wineandrosesagain · 30/12/2018 22:15

BucketLid - really? Not serious? My DD caught chicken pox at 12 months and was so ill she was hospitalised. My friend’s twin girls also caught it at around the same age and one spent 2 weeks in hospital. How the fuck is that not serious? Perhaps you’ve never encountered children that are really really ill at that age but I can assure you chicken pox can be very serious.

MiniCooperLover · 30/12/2018 22:21

Jesus Bucketlid is coming across as a prime example of why people aren't all that fond of GPs these days. Dreadful patient manner 😩😳

Original poster
Eemamc · 30/12/2018 22:22

I read on NHS website that you are contagious for 1-2 days before the spots. We last saw cousin before this, but obviously it is still possible she’ll have caught it, we’ll see in a couple of weeks I guess. Now knowing he has it I don’t want to purposely expose her in case she hasn’t caught it. I don’t think MIL will tell her not to come. There won’t be anyone else here who is pregnant/immuno compromised etc. My dc is the youngest, there will be two other cousins who I don’t think have had cp yet, but their parents know...we’re all on the same whatsapp group, so up to their parents to make their own choice. We’ll find out what is happening in the morning I guess. DH has said that he’ll be coming home with us if cousin is coming. DH will do his fair share of the childcare if she does come down with it. I’m happy he spoke with his mum. No one will question his choice, but I don’t think it would have been the same if it came from me!

OP posts:
BeautifulPossibilities · 30/12/2018 22:28

Really easy to get the vax private. I don't know why more people don't bother. It's been hellish for my friends kids.

Biscusting · 30/12/2018 22:28

They will think you are a drama queen? I’m afraid most parenting decisions will attract some form of criticism.

Your baby, your decision to expose them to an infectious disease, not your cousins. I would leave personally.

morewinedarling · 30/12/2018 22:29

Nope, I'd be out of there. I have avoided situations like this in the past, and while I seemed mean at the time for missing family gatherings and parties, I protected my DD. I got my DD vaccinated against it at 18m as I couldn't bear the thought of her getting it (DH told me horror stories from when he got it very badly). We were in a position where I could pay for the jab and after seeing her friends at nursery get it and how badly some of them (and their parents) suffered, I'd recommend to anyone.

Redshoeblueshoe · 30/12/2018 22:31

I'm so glad we have a GP who thinks this is not a problem
Try saying that to someone who is immunosuppressed
twat

HildaZelda · 30/12/2018 22:32

I'd be gone by now. I wouldn't give a shit who thought I was a drama queen. That's their problem, not mine.
@BucketLid, if you really are a GP, then I'm glad I'm not one of your patients Hmm

RollerJed · 30/12/2018 22:35

There is no way Bucketlid is a GP Hmm

You would have surely come across very sick dc from CP and wouldn't be so flippant about AND would know about under 1 yo thing.

I've had both mine vaccinated, they needed it for our return to Aus and schooling here (can't attend without all vaccines)

starzig · 30/12/2018 22:35

YANBU. Chicken pox can be extremely dangerous, especially in adults.

DameSquashalot · 30/12/2018 22:36

Bucket are all these parents with hospitalised babies making it up? 🙄

Redshoeblueshoe · 30/12/2018 22:40

By the way I'm a GP, grand parent, not Dr. But I still believe in following current medical advice, not stuff from 40 years ago

Schmoobarb · 30/12/2018 22:41

YANBU. Yes she will probably get it sometime and from experience it’s better to have as a child than an adult (I was in a terrible state when I got it as an adult and was pleased my kids had it before school in comparison) but deliberately putting a baby at risk is just stupid.

As for the vaccine I didn’t know about it when I had my eldest and he got it just before he turned 2, I was going to get my youngest vaccinated for starting school but he caught it before I could do so. Both of them had it way less severely than I did but I still wouldn’t have exposed them deliberately to it.

Weenurse · 30/12/2018 22:41

My youngest was 18 months old when got it from older sibling.
She was so sick that Doctor thought she had cerebral irritation from it.
Vaccination a great idea, don’t want to eve see her that sick again

IRememberSoIDo · 30/12/2018 22:57

It can be extremely serious. Dd2 got it at ten months and was very sick with it. At the same time our neighbour who was eight got it and developed encephalitis. She is lucky to have escaped alive and ok. For most it's a pain and passes quickly but it can also be extremely serious. Glad you're going. So selfish of that mum!

Helix1244 · 30/12/2018 23:18

@gentlygently
Yes exactly on contact with infected dc soon after dd2 got an unexplained rash. Unfortunately discovered when removing swimming costume at public pool. Like a mix of CP and shingles in a line up the side under the armpit and across to the nipple. 1 only became pus filled. Dc1 is in contact with an immunocompromised child and so i took dc2 to gp who had no idea what it was....
Imo it was breakthrough (although dc2 had 2 vax already the first was administered probably longer than recommend after mixing as dc1 wouldnt have it so was less affective. The other thought i had was bed bugs but the rash went and never came back.
It wasnt itchy though
I did read up on it but cant remember if breakthrough was contagious. However ... Kids are i think mildly contagious when the get the vax so arent supposed to be near immunocompromised or pg people for weeks i think.

Redshoeblueshoe · 30/12/2018 23:29

It's not just about toddlers.
I hope none of you have been in the position to see the effects on an unborn child.
I have, it's tragic

EwItsAHooman · 30/12/2018 23:59

We did see cousin on Boxing Day, so it maybe possible that she has caught it, but I don’t want to guarantee IYSWIM.

It only starts to be contagious 24-48hrs before the spots appear so if you last saw the cousin on the 26th and she only came out in spots today on the 30th then the earliest she could have been contagious is the 28th, the 27th at an absolute push.

CP is a horrible disease. One of my DC has had it multiple times (confirmed as CP and not hand, foot, and mouth) as have several others in her school (also confirmed cases). Another of my DC had it so badly that they had to have follow ups to make sure it hadn't damaged their hearing due to spots right down inside their ear canals and still has visible scars from it, including some on their face, nearly four years later. The illness itself was awful and lasted nearly two weeks during which we had very little sleep, a fractious toddler who cried everytime he ate or drank because of spots in his mouth and shrieked every time he peed because of spots in his nappy area, several of the spots on his chest, back, and face merged into gigantic spots which became infected and he had to have antibiotics, it was a miserable time and I if I'd known in advance what it was going to be like I'd have had him vaccinated.

Superdrug do the vaccine, it's £65 a dose by appointment and it's well worth it for the peace of mind it brings.

Whatelsecouldibecalled · 31/12/2018 00:00

The thing about having it before and not getting it again isn’t 100% true. I had chicken pox as a child and have just got over another bought of it as an adult! I felt really ill with it and my skin is still a mess now. I would t be going. Yes you are contagious 1/2 days before spots come out and until the spots have dried and crusted over. I felt awful as I had seen my 8 month old niece two days before I showed any spots but she doesn’t appear to have caught it yet. It can incubate for 21 days