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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my neighbours are rude and inconsiderate

114 replies

chipsnmayo · 30/12/2018 07:33

Background: my neighbours has a holiday house across the road from us, at weekends in the summer they often throw loud and large parties that go on to 1-2am in the morning, and she has an extremely loud voice that I can hear from my house. This is over a period of about 15 years.

Said neighbours have a DD about my DD's age that use to play together when they were young, so I would sort of friendly to them, and sometimes I would babysit their DD when they threw their parties Hmm but bit my tongue for the sake of their friendship. Their friendship fizzled out in the early 2010s about when they both started secondary school as their DD came out to the house less.

DD and I have barely talked to them since then, and have since rang noise control a few times since the friendship ended if their music if its still going after midnight. Maybe its because I have got older and my tolerance of their music keeps decreasing as the years have gone on.

Just bumped into them in the street and they told me that they are hosting their DD's 21st on NYE (she is born on the 1st), they said we (i.e DD and I) can either complain or join us Shock I thought that was fucking cheeky, she then said their parties are no longer as loud because they have got older Hmm Which I dispute, but its beside the point as its their DD's 21st.

Wtaf, so she knows that they been inconsiderate to myself and other neighbours for the past 15 years, yet she still does not care Angry

Fwiw I will not be calling noise control because it is her DD's 21st and NYE. But I am still fucking furious, like hell we are going to go her party given its been the best part of a decade since we have spoken to both them and the DD.

OP posts:
WomanWithAltitude · 30/12/2018 09:38

And I dont understand the relevance of adking whether it's a 'holiday sort of place'. Most holiday homes in the UK are in rural towns and villages, quiet places. It won't exactly be Ibiza, will it?

Original poster
chipsnmayo · 30/12/2018 09:38

By friendly, I mean I would always say hello etc if the girls came to play but it did not extend any further than that.

Honestly I hate confrontation especially to people I know. However they effectively said they knew their music was too loud so it makes no different if I said anything or not.

I suppose we lead different lives, DD and I prefer to be up early and they want to party late which maybe why I hate it so much as it disrupts my routine.

OP posts:
bifflediffle · 30/12/2018 09:38

The op doesn’t say it’s most times they visit that they have a party.

bifflediffle · 30/12/2018 09:40

Well, I lived in a holiday village andin my experience you have to accept that living there comes with the tourists. And that means parties and fireworks and busy in the summer. But it’s the down side of living in a lovely place that I got to enjoy every day of the year

gimmeadoughnut123 · 30/12/2018 09:40

Loud noise after 11pm is seen as nuisance noise. However if it is infrequent then to class it as nuisance noise would be unfair. Otherwise you'd find that councils all over the country would be flooded with regular noise complaints.

People are parties that go on past 11pm. My neighbour (terraced house) had one until 3am the other day. We don't say anything because they're infrequent and we have a good relationship with our neighbour, so it doesn't bother me. We are having a baby in 5 months and the chances are they will hear bubs crying in the night more frequently than we will ever hear them.

tillytrotter1 · 30/12/2018 09:41

Good on them, they've told you their plans and invited you so either put up or shut up.

From the same school of arrogance as the neighbour!
As for 'go to a hotel for the night', is the arrogant neighbour paying? Noise control on speed dial I think!

Original poster
chipsnmayo · 30/12/2018 09:42

biffled, I said its a few - it varies year to year (last summer was quite bad) depending on weather etc. Most of the time it is wrapped by by 12am but to me that's unacceptable if its frequent, 1am I get really pissed off.

OP posts:
WomanWithAltitude · 30/12/2018 09:42

Exactly biff!

And I can guarantee that the pp saying it's not a problem would take issue with holiday home owners visiting their street from time to time and throwing a loud party whenever they do so. What these people are doing displays a totally different attitude to a permanent resident having the occasional party.

WomanWithAltitude · 30/12/2018 09:43

But why should it be a downside to living there? Are resident of nice places not entitled to have their peace respected?

bifflediffle · 30/12/2018 09:44

But how often is frequent?

It’s a holiday place. It’s the summer. That’s what it’s going to be like. 🤷‍♀️

roundaboutthetown · 30/12/2018 09:45

Tbh, OP, it does come across as a bit vindictive that you didn't complain when you were "friends," but started complaining to noise control when you didn't like them any more. Also, given the fact you do know them well, even if you are not keen on them, it is a bit off to go straight to noise control without speaking to them first. That said, they sound pretty self-centred and obnoxious, so I'm not surprised you dislike them! At least they have forewarned you this time (although this may mean the noise will be worse than ever and will go on until 6am on New Year's Day....).

WomanWithAltitude · 30/12/2018 09:45

In a lot of 'holiday places' in the UK, no it's not to be expected imo. Depends on the type of tourism it attracts.

bifflediffle · 30/12/2018 09:48

Well the op hasn’t said. And I was in a very quiet one pub village with holiday homes and let’s and it definitely changed in the summer.

I just think something must’ve happened to piss off the op to go from happy to babysit tstraight to ringing noise control.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 30/12/2018 09:56

Are you in the UK?

Presumably as this house is opposite you and its winter then the noise will be reasonably contained? It’s not like they’re joined to your house.

And most parties have only really got going by 11pm!

Original poster
chipsnmayo · 30/12/2018 09:58

I get what PPL are saying, maybe I should not have gone straight to noise control in hindsight and talked to them years ago, however I did not want to wreck DD's friendship. And like I said in my OP, my tolerance has weakened as the years gone by especially has DD has had more early morning sport.

Thanks everyone for your opinion, I am leaving the thread now as there is a range of opinions which shows there is no right answer. However I really see no point trying to reason with them now given their conversation today.

OP posts:
longwayoff · 30/12/2018 09:59

I've never pissed off my neighbours to the extent that someone's called noise control but I'd imagine they're quite busy on NYE. What do they do when you make a report? Can they take action? How?

AlaskanOilBaron · 30/12/2018 10:01

The way she asked you was her attempt at humour, I think it's pretty funny.

Just go to the party and try to have fun?

gimmeadoughnut123 · 30/12/2018 10:02

Honestly I hate confrontation especially to people I know. However they effectively said they knew their music was too loud so it makes no different if I said anything or not.

But reporting people is confrontational - albeit indirect. I'd actually say it's more confrontational than a quick chat.
I was reading about this when I lived next to the neighbour that played loud music every night, and everything basically recommended speaking to your neighbour first as it was the most 'polite' way of addressing the problem. Once you report people you kind of cross over to something you can't back track on, as it's extreme, and ideally an end of the road measure.

InkyAndBinky · 30/12/2018 10:02

Yanbu Your neighbour is a nasty selfish cow bag who doesn’t care about annoying her neighbours.

I’d go to the party and cause mayhem 👿. Tell all her pals that your were suprised how they were such strong brexit supporters/badger cullers/ kitten kickers etc etc.

LuluJakey1 · 30/12/2018 10:03

I think even one really loud party is unacceptable. If it is music that is booming bass through other houses at midnight and people shouting and screeching outside, with fireworks,it is unacceptable.

In our old house which was a semi- the people two houses up had parties in the summer twice a year. Doesn't sound like much but the back of the houses was countryside so very dark and quiet at night. They had bright lights out there, about 80 people, pounding music and fireworks.The guests were always loud people. The first year it went on until 2am.

DH spoke to him the next day and the bloke was pretty unpleasant and basically said he'd lived there a long time and he'd do what he liked and we'd only lived there a year so fuck off- not exactly those words but that was the gist of it.

After that we just rang the police- and he was an ex-policeman as well as a twat. They were really clever about it- they would go to the front door, ask them to calm it down, give them 10 minutes and then go to the fields at the back to see what he'd actually done and go back to him if he hadn't done as they asked. Other neighbours complained as well, not just us. The police view was he was an arrogant, not very nice man as well. He stopped speaking to all of us.

Then he and his wife went away and his teenage sons had a big party that got out of hand and they really messed up the house. When he came back he was raging and accused next door of being shit neighbours for not calling the police soon enough that night. Grin

ElsieMc · 30/12/2018 10:03

We have the opposite op, second home owner here complains about everything and anything even people using their own gardens. He now has cameras trained on the courtyard where he lives so he can spy on his neighbours from 250 miles away. The joke is you always know when he is here by the noise - not parties - 6 am barking dogs, dogs loose in our gardens, firing up woodcutting equipment at 10 pm. My teenage dd once opened the windows and shouted "Shut the hell up" at the top of her voice after another 6 am start. Same sense of entitlement as your neighbours but in a different way. He is far more important that anyone else here.

I think that some second home owners have no sense of community only a sense of entitlement. After all, they just walk away at the end of the day with no come back. Never had an issue nor gave it a thought before we lived here, but sadly it seems the case over long experience.

I think you will just have to suck this one up op but have nothing to do with them. They only seem to bother with you when they want something.

Myimaginaryreindeerhasfleas · 30/12/2018 10:05

It’s very annoying living alongside holidaymakers. People behave in ways they wouldn’t at home. I bet they don’t throw noisy parties in their own neighbourhood.

On the other hand they seem friendly and have invited you. Be nice about this one as it’s a special occasion, but you could use the opportunity to explain how the summer parties disturb you and ask if they could manage the noise a bit in the future. Don’t call Noise Control (whatever that is), you need them to feel well disposed towards you if you want them to consider your feelings.

AwakeNow · 30/12/2018 10:13

Thiis probably a dumb idea but you could go over before the party, to give the 21st birthday girl a card, flowers and maybe bubbly. Since you used to know her as a little girl, as well as being neighbours. She will have fond memories of playing at your house, eating there, sleeping over ect. when little. Dd and her mother probably be surprised and touched if you did that. Would you be welcomed, or would it be awkward?
Five minutes chatting the off you must go ....you can be back home for your own night.

.

BlimeyCalmDown · 30/12/2018 10:15

Talk about missing the point. It's not about NYE, it's about the neighbour admitting that she's been a PITA for 15 years and telling the OP that she has never cared and will continue to carry on regardless.

^This

CatnissEverdene · 30/12/2018 10:38

They have no sense of the community around them when it's a holiday home, sadly.

I'd suggest buying lots of fireworks and aiming them in the general direction of their garden. That should sort them out nicely Grin

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