SIL and DS watching TV

[AmandaBuffamonteezi]

So I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable so completely ready to be told so! It also might be long because I don't want to drip feed!

DS is 3. He has never really been a sit still and watch TV kind of child and DH and I don't really watch a lot of tv while DS is awake. Sometimes I'd love him to sit and watch a film or half an hour but he just likes to be up and active. It's not a stealth boast or anything but I'm quite glad he doesn't spend hours looking at a tv/phone/iPad not that I think there's anything wrong with children having screen time at all. He has in the past watched maybe half of a film in one sitting and has seen all the Julia Donaldson films but things like ceebeebies he won't watch for more than 5/10 minutes.

SIL knows this. She has been there when we've had tv on and we have said how he doesn't like to sit and watch. She has asked if we can watch a film at PILs and tried to make DS sit only to have him not interested in sitting and watching and to have us both say that he just doesn't want to and we're quite happy for him to not be bothered by TV. I suggested watching the gruffalo because it's shorter and he loves the book only to have him get up and bring me the book to read to him instead.

Last Christmas she sent DH a photo of a portable dvd thing and asked if DS would like it as a present. DH said that it was a good present but he probably wouldn't like it or use it and he didn't want her wasting money on it so to just get him some books or paints which would be cheaper and he'd definitely use. She replied saying that his idea was better but then for Christmas she still got him the DVD player and a load of dvds to watch on it. DH didn't say anything but just thanked her for it.

We used the DVD player once and he wasn't interested. We have asked him if he wants to watch films or programmes and he just doesn't want to. I ended up using it to play music which he much preferred so he could dance around.

SIL came to Pils and ended up looking after DS for a couple of hours when they had to take their dog to the vet and DH and I were at work. DS said later on he didn't play with SIL and she made him sit and watch the tv. He said he felt sad and wanted to play with his toys but she wouldn't let him and told him he had to stay on the couch. DH asked SIL about it and said that we've told her in the past DS doesn't enjoy watching tv to which SIL said "Well I'm going to change that." When asked what she meant SIL said "I think it's weird that he doesn't want to watch films, all the babies I know watch tv and it doesn't hurt them." I told her that we're not against him watching it but it's him who doesn't want to do it and we're not going to force him.

I should add that There are no SEND issues and we're not concerned about his attention because he will spend ages at activities he chooses whether that be reading stories, role play, drawing. He just doesn't like watching tv. DH and I aren't the type of people who go on about this either. If someone asks about screentime we say things like "He's not really in to watching things" or "He prefers to be up and about" or even "I wish he'd just watch an episode of peppa pig so that I can do the dishes!" We don't make a fuss if he doesn't watch something or on the rare occasion he will watch something. We watch tv when he's in bed and DH will watch Netflix/prime on his way to or from work as he has a longer commute.

So this year SIL has bought him a full sized tv for his bedroom and a load of dvds to watch on it. She handed the box to him to open and smiled at me and DH saying "Inknow you've said he doesn't like tv but I think we should let him decide don't you?" I thanked her for the present and DS did too but this morning he asked if he had to watch tv and I said no to which he said "I don't want SIL to come to our house because she will make me watch the telly."

I feel like she's done this to make a point, although I'm not sure what it is. I'm sure in a few years he will want to put a film on but I don't really want a tv in his room. I didn't have one when I was younger until I was about 13 and think that 3 is too young for a tv in the room. Not that he'd watch it anyway!

Sorry for rambling! I just don't know what we should do. Should we return the tv to SIL or keep it in storage until he's older or even store it but speak to SIL about her weird obsession with making DS watch tv? Or am I just over reacting?

Give it back and tell her she needs to stop overruling your wishes as parents.

As the mother of two DS who watch FAR too much tv I think she is being a complete and utter twat.

How dare she decide what is best for your son?!! Return the tv and buy a shit load of paint.

You sound fine and your DS sounds healthy and she sounds weirdly obsessed. I can't see an point storing the TV as tech changes so fast now. I'd be inclined to give it back to her and just say, thanks but it wasted here, and not even engage with the conversation any more. It's not your job to convince her, is it, she's just not listening and she's got some weird idea that he 'ought' to like tv. He's only 3! He'll get there soon enough, and he's fine, OP.

She sounds bloody lazy.
She couldn't be arsed to play with your DS so made him sit there

Personally, and probably asshole-ishly of me, I'd tell her that he really doesn't want to watch tv and said do himself,and ask if she would like them back as they probably cost her a lot of money. Blunt but hey.

Does your SIL have kids?

I think a lot of people hear he/she doesn't want to do x y z and hear a parent saying 'I want them to do other things instead so it reflects on us as parents', if you see what I mean. It 100% doesn't sound like this is happening here and that he genuinely does not want to, but perhaps she isn't getting that and thinks you guys just don't want him watching tv. So perhaps being a bit blunt will send the message home.

Ooo pretend it’s broken, ask for the receipt and then return it

How old is she? She sounds very immature!

I would be furious if someone got my child a tv for their room and I talk as a parent of older children.

Also what @MyNameIsJane said, I hate TVs in bedrooms

How weird. Most of the young children I know do like TV but don’t really sit and watch it for long periods, like a film. Your son doesn’t sound that unusual to me. In fact my DS has got some ninja thing on Netflix at the mo but is keeping half an eye on it whilst he plays with his Lego.
Maybe ask her why she feels so strongly about this?!

Wow I would be very angry at her trying to overrule yourself and dh. My kids like tv but we limit it. It's nice when we need to cook etc but I am far happier when they are playing or colouring etc. Everyone is different but I agree with you that a tv in his bedroom at such a young age is not a good idea. Myself and my dh don't want tv in our kids rooms (5 & 2) until they are a lot older. I would be giving her the tv back and having a very clear blunt talk with her. It is not her place to decide when/if your child should have a tv. Also nother place to iverride your decisions or indeed force your son to watch tv. To be honest she sounds a bit weird to be forcing that issue!

My 2.5 would happily watch far too much TV while pottering with toys. No way is she ever, ever having a tv in her bedroom.

TV in bedroom? No way but also it's your choice not hers. Send it back.

What is NOT OK about all this is that she has made your son feel that being himself is not right in some way. That's unacceptable.

My DS is 17 and still not really interested in watching tv and will watch a film only once on a while (now he has a gf). He isn't even that interested is his PS4 anymore but did have the usual 11-14 year old obsession with it. Just tell her straight - yoi can lead a horse to water but you can't make ot drink.

I would be very angry with your SIL's behaviour. He is far too young to have a tv in his room. How dare she undermine both father and mother in their parenting choices. Return the tv to her for storage / whatever as you don't have room.

She sounds very strange, why on Earth is it so important to her?

It is certainly not up to her whether or not your child has a tv in their bedroom.

I would explain that this is not happening, explain again that DS is not interested in tv anyway, and offer her the chance to take the tv back if she doesn't want to waste her money.

"hey SIL, how would you like it if I came round and forced to read a book?"

Return the TV, reassert your boundaries, limit your poor DS's exposure to this bizarre person

TV & dvd at your house-well she was told not to bother so have them wherever you want in your house & use or not as you see fit.

Forcing him to watch tv when he didn't want to-odd & mean imo.

Presumably she couldn't be bothered to play with him-well maybe that's OK, but not letting him play when he wanted to?

No, I don't get it.

Still, as long as she doesn't babysit again.

She seems overly obsessed!

Either send it back or sell it and get him something he will enjoy.

She sounds quite lazy- the only people I have met who want children to watch more tv are ones that can't be bothered to do anything with them.

She is ignoring ds's preferences.
And she is ignoring your advice and your preferences. It should be your decision whether your ds ever has a tv in his room.

When your son is out the room ask her why she bought it when she knows it won't get used then tech se to take it home with you or make her take it back.

I can't stand people who undermine parents in this way.

Your SiL is completely out of order. My twins love to sit and watch things which I love so I can do a few things without tripping over them, but I'd never force it on them.
And no TVs in the bedroom for a good few years. Even if they want it or not I wouldn't feel comfortable putting on up there for them.

She has basically put herself on the no babysitting list for making your son feel about about himself.
Use her words against her, she said he can decide for himself and he has. He doesn't like tv so he doesn't need one. Ask her if it can be returned or if she has any use for it.

He's 3 and she thinks he needs a TV in his room! Why is she forcing the TV issue so much? Is it that she just wants him to sit there and be quiet so they adults can talk? Or because she thinks you're stopping him. Either way it's not up to her to force him to watch TV.

I'd probably see if the shop it came from would let you exchange it for anything else to be honest. It's not up to her to decide whether he gets a TV in his bedroom.

Regardless of whether or not my children like watching TV, I would never have put one in their bedrooms. I mean, that's a reason in itself to return it to her. No TVs in bedrooms. It's a perfectly reasonable decision for a parent to make.

I thought this was going to be a thread where sil let dc watch tv, whilst parents don’t allow any tv, and was going to say, ‘relax, once in a while is fine’.

However, buying a tv and dvd is way beyond this. Definitely unsuitable.

I would put the tv instorage until later. If sil says anything, you can reiterate that you don’t have TVs in his bedroom, and if ds wants to watch tv, he can watch the family one. Maybe compromise slightly, by having a film night, with popcorn etc, and watch the dvd as a family on the main tv.