SIL and DS watching TV

[AmandaBuffamonteezi]

So I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable so completely ready to be told so! It also might be long because I don't want to drip feed!

DS is 3. He has never really been a sit still and watch TV kind of child and DH and I don't really watch a lot of tv while DS is awake. Sometimes I'd love him to sit and watch a film or half an hour but he just likes to be up and active. It's not a stealth boast or anything but I'm quite glad he doesn't spend hours looking at a tv/phone/iPad not that I think there's anything wrong with children having screen time at all. He has in the past watched maybe half of a film in one sitting and has seen all the Julia Donaldson films but things like ceebeebies he won't watch for more than 5/10 minutes.

SIL knows this. She has been there when we've had tv on and we have said how he doesn't like to sit and watch. She has asked if we can watch a film at PILs and tried to make DS sit only to have him not interested in sitting and watching and to have us both say that he just doesn't want to and we're quite happy for him to not be bothered by TV. I suggested watching the gruffalo because it's shorter and he loves the book only to have him get up and bring me the book to read to him instead.

Last Christmas she sent DH a photo of a portable dvd thing and asked if DS would like it as a present. DH said that it was a good present but he probably wouldn't like it or use it and he didn't want her wasting money on it so to just get him some books or paints which would be cheaper and he'd definitely use. She replied saying that his idea was better but then for Christmas she still got him the DVD player and a load of dvds to watch on it. DH didn't say anything but just thanked her for it.

We used the DVD player once and he wasn't interested. We have asked him if he wants to watch films or programmes and he just doesn't want to. I ended up using it to play music which he much preferred so he could dance around.

SIL came to Pils and ended up looking after DS for a couple of hours when they had to take their dog to the vet and DH and I were at work. DS said later on he didn't play with SIL and she made him sit and watch the tv. He said he felt sad and wanted to play with his toys but she wouldn't let him and told him he had to stay on the couch. DH asked SIL about it and said that we've told her in the past DS doesn't enjoy watching tv to which SIL said "Well I'm going to change that." When asked what she meant SIL said "I think it's weird that he doesn't want to watch films, all the babies I know watch tv and it doesn't hurt them." I told her that we're not against him watching it but it's him who doesn't want to do it and we're not going to force him.

I should add that There are no SEND issues and we're not concerned about his attention because he will spend ages at activities he chooses whether that be reading stories, role play, drawing. He just doesn't like watching tv. DH and I aren't the type of people who go on about this either. If someone asks about screentime we say things like "He's not really in to watching things" or "He prefers to be up and about" or even "I wish he'd just watch an episode of peppa pig so that I can do the dishes!" We don't make a fuss if he doesn't watch something or on the rare occasion he will watch something. We watch tv when he's in bed and DH will watch Netflix/prime on his way to or from work as he has a longer commute.

So this year SIL has bought him a full sized tv for his bedroom and a load of dvds to watch on it. She handed the box to him to open and smiled at me and DH saying "Inknow you've said he doesn't like tv but I think we should let him decide don't you?" I thanked her for the present and DS did too but this morning he asked if he had to watch tv and I said no to which he said "I don't want SIL to come to our house because she will make me watch the telly."

I feel like she's done this to make a point, although I'm not sure what it is. I'm sure in a few years he will want to put a film on but I don't really want a tv in his room. I didn't have one when I was younger until I was about 13 and think that 3 is too young for a tv in the room. Not that he'd watch it anyway!

Sorry for rambling! I just don't know what we should do. Should we return the tv to SIL or keep it in storage until he's older or even store it but speak to SIL about her weird obsession with making DS watch tv? Or am I just over reacting?

We have honestly never made a big deal about him but watching tv. We don't brag about it or judge when other parents let children watch tv. My niece (sisters daughter) is 4 and I took her the cinema the other week with my other niece who is 11 so it's clear that I'm not against tv or films or anything like that.

I do feel like she's trying to prove that we're lying but she's seen what he's like when tv is on so knows we're not. It's really weird!

A few years ago she bought DH a cat. She is animal mad and I'm not really a pet person. She said that we should get a puppy so that we could learn how to be responsible although DH at the time was a teacher and I was studying to be a teacher whilst my 14 year old niece was living with us due to a fallout with her mum so our hands were pretty full and we had enough responsibilities! I told her that I didn't want a pet and that I didn't really like animals. Two weeks later there she is with the cat for dh's birthday. We had to get rid of it because I turned out to be allergic but would have got rid of it anyway because we just didn't want it!

Boundaries do seem to be an issue but I thought at least with PIL it had been sorted. MIL has always been the type to interfere but claim she's helping which has been an issue in the past that DH has at times struggled with telling her no but again that seemed to be in the past.

It is all just so over the top! I don't think there was this much drama when my 14 year old niece ran away from home and turned up at our apartment in the middle of the night!

She bought you a pet she should have known you didn’t want?? This woman gets weirder with every update! What a bizarre frame of mind to not be able to comprehend that someone might not like something you like, and must be forced into it.

Your in-laws are bonkers & have no boundaries. Hopefully they've got the message now but I'd be returning ALL unsuitable presents to any of them as soon as they're given to try to drum the message in.

Yep the cat thing was half mind boggling half hilarious. Thinking about it now though I feel like it was sort of her way of trying to get to me and prove me wrong again. But at the time I felt crazy saying something like that! PIL pander to SIL when she gets a bit bratty and I refuse to now!

Mil has been on the phone again saying she doesn't understand why we're so upset. DH has said that we're not upset just confused as to why SIL is forcing this on DS and we're not sure why everyone else is so upset.

Your sons behavior sounds completely normal. My now 10 year old, never watched tv before 3 years old. He would see it on and just walk straight past it to play with some toys. He gradually started watching some short cartoons and over a few years he increased watching. It is only in the last 2 years that he will go to the movies, he just didn’t have the interest in sitting still and watching for that long. My younger son (5) started watching earlier, because his brother was. But he still plays and watches and isn’t interested in sitting still for a whole movie. It will be a long time before either of them have a tv in their rooms. Do what works for your family and sod the rest.

All a bit wierd on SIL’s side of things
Agree no TV in bedroom. I am sure there is some childhood expert somewhere who will back this up.
It sounds as though SIL fixates on certain things until it blows up in her face, then finds something else to fixate on.
How did she respond to you rehousing the cat?

What a bizarre situation!!

Firstly I agree about not having a tv in the bedroom - my DCs love tv but I won’t let them have TVs in their bedrooms, for many reasons - including the fact you can’t keep an eye on what they are watching, or how much screen time they are having. A tv is a ridiculous present for a 3 year old! There are plenty of years ahead for watching films, it’s great he enjoys so many other things.

My DD used to hate watching films as she found them too much emotionally - she could just manage CBeebies. At school when they put films on she would go and do colouring. Sometimes I would wish we could all watch a family film together, but accepted her as she was - and now she loves high-paced action films! Children shouldn’t be forced into something they don’t actually enjoy, your SIL is thinking of what she wants, dressed up as generosity, but isn’t thinking of what actually makes your DS happy.

Secondly I would be quite annoyed by someone else buying such a gift without my agreement and then putting it up on the wall! That is really taking liberties.....

It all sounds quite emotionally draining too. Well done for staying calm.

Ahhh so it's you she has the problem with. Call her on her bullshit every time OP. She's obviously used to the rest of the family giving in to her notions. Don't give her an inch.

She needs to be lent a child who watches Peppa Pig 24/7. She'll soon go off screen time.

Most children I know, are into watching YouTube and like your DS, they go between a few minute clips and music. My eighteen month old GC like just dance.

She's being really wierd and needs to be supervised around your DS.

I don't understand how she bought you a cat, turned up on the doorstep with it and you accepted that and took it in. I dont know anyone who would accept this. SIL has no concept of boundaries because you don't set them. If PILs get nasty, tell them to take the cat / TV. Not coming in your house.

My kids (teens) dont watch TV very much. They will play video games and play on their phones but TV is for old people and little kids. They are much too cool.

The cat was given to him at PILs but they have a dog and SIL has three so we had to take it home. DH did say to SIL at the time that he wasn't sure if we could keep it and reminded her that I wasn't a big pet fan. She said she bought it for him because it looked like their Grandma's cat and she remembered how much dh loved that cat.

SIL has been on the phone this morning and asked what DS can have instead. She asked if he wanted a rabbit and DH told her that she is not to get him a pet of any kind. She's now upset because DS is missing out by not having a present from her.

Is sil wants to do something awesome for your lad, why not suggest she opens an account in his name and pays in every celebration. Believe me that when he hits driving age this will be a massive step into independence for him.

She doesn't seem to live in the real world...

Who would think it acceptable to buy pets for a 3 year old. Especially pets that the parents don't want.

Is she just trying to pick things to cause outrage?

Fucking hell they’re all batshit

I would be absolutely fuming over the wallpaper - how bad are the holes?

I would also be spitting about the wallpaper. Totally lack of respect of any boundaries for PIL's to think it is acceptable behaviour to put a tv up in a child's bedroom without being asked to.
TV in a child's bedroom is not a good thing.

SIL has been on the phone this morning and asked what DS can have instead. She asked if he wanted a rabbit and DH told her that she is not to get him a pet of any kind.

Shall we place bets on her turning up with a rabbit?

A rabbit is a completely unsuitable present for a small child.

It doesn't sound like she's buying presents simply as a kindness but rather using them as a soapbox.

Tell her to buy him book tokens so he can go and chose his own books that he likes to read/look at!!

My child my rules. I had a similar situation with my sil. My eldest dd does not like sweets/cake/fizzy pop. (She loves chocolate and crisps but not chewy haribo type stuff /cakes with jam or icing etc) My sil thinks this is weired. She would insist in trying to get to get her to eat sweets and cake and drink fizzy stuff. For her 6th birthday she bought a massive hamper full of sherbert/haribo/mini cans of coke (easily £80 worth of sweets). And a massive rainbow cake covered in multi coloured icing and popping candy type crap ( we had a plain chocolate sponge at dd request). She followed my dd around at her party trying to get her to try her sweets! She nearly burst a blood vessle when dd started sharing the sweets out to her friends/cousins/anyone that would take them as they left! Sil actually questioned dd and told her she was rude and weired, Dds response was 'i dont like sweets. You know i dont like sweets, itsa waste to throw it away because i wont eat it so i am sharing it instead' It was hilarious to me watching a 6yr old put a grown woman in her place!

She's now upset because DS is missing out by not having a present from her.

Can't she just buy him some bloody Duplo?

DH has said that we're not upset

I'd be more than 'upset' about the ruining of the wallpaper!

Why on earth cant she just get your DC a plastic drum set like normal aunts do

She is genuinely batshit.

I think she's deliberately trying to overrule you as parents and get a dig in at you as well.
She CHOOSES to ignore the ideas you/dh have given her.
This is all an attention seeking game for her OP, look at the drama created and attention she's getting by playing 'woe is me'.

If she carries on just go nuclear on her and don't hold back.

CynthiaRothrock - my kids are the same, don’t really like sweets (but like chocolate and cake), they would have no idea what to do with a hamper of haribo!

I agree that she's definitely trying to overrule us but I don't understand why she's trying to get at me. It could be that DH now has a bit of back up in calling her out and I'm sure that before me he would have just gone along with most of it because that was what he was used to.

SIL is yet to have turned up with a rabbit or something else inappropriate. I'm waiting for the passive aggressive Facebook post about it!

The marks on the wall aren't that bad but we're going to replace it as we have another roll.