Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if it is really THAT hard to have kids?

610 replies

zebra1304 · 29/12/2018 13:01

Spending Christmas with my partner's family. We don't have kids but I worked years in child care. Not saying it is the same but I do have some idea of things. Day 7 here... and all I can hear is how bloody difficult/expensive/tiring etc etc to have kids. Is it really that hard? If so why people keep having them ? I mean why don't they stop after 1 or 2.

OP posts:
differentnameforthis · 30/12/2018 09:50

but flipping hell maybe have a look at your financial situation before deciding on having kids And what do you think happens when financial situations change? Like a parent loses their job, or a parent leaves?

Your post is very judgemental.

I was a full time nanny doing 60 hours a week, loads of overnight stays and looked after kids with special needs. Not 9-5 That doens't make you an expert, op.

MeOldChina · 30/12/2018 09:52

Well TBH after reading all this, i find you quite annoying OP.

You asked a question. You have hundreds of well written replies telling you exactly what is quite hard about parenting and why some people like to have a moan, and you just keep returning to repeat the same points.

Considering your argument seems to be that your family like to go on and on and on about the same things, i think it seems to be a family trait.

HSMMaCM · 30/12/2018 10:02

I have been a foster Carer and work in childcare. Neither are as hard as bringing up my daughter, because that's FOREVER and I blame myself for everything that goes wrong in her life. However... I don't moan about it all the time.

My niece asked me some childcare advice, because my DD had been such an easy child. My mother and sister were shocked to hear that it was just that I hadn't felt the need to tell them about every problem.

TheBigBangRocks · 30/12/2018 10:09

maybe have a look at your financial situation before deciding on having kids

You would think it's a given but many simply don't. You only have to look at threads to see how many have no idea of nursery costs or that schools dare ask for money. No future planning either, i.e. Can I still afford them if suddenly single etc.

MiraculousMarinette · 30/12/2018 10:11

It was hard for the first year because no sleep/life/personal space. After that it was fine.

I think a lot depends on a child/ren's health, personality and also on parents' attitude.

I am chilled, my daughter is also chilled so we always get on. It would have been different if one of us was neurotic 😁

Finance-wise it just requires a lot of compromise and common sense.

madcatladyforever · 30/12/2018 10:20

I found it very hard as I was a single parent and had to work full time to pay the mortgage, The constant guilt leaving him with childminders, lack of money after paying childcare and the bills and the fact that everything was on my shoulders. I had no other adult to share the burden with as I had no relatives living nearby. I was only 21 when I had him.
I couldn't afford to have any more children and I had no partner until he grew up because I didn't want random men coming in and out of our home.
I would not change things for the world now he is grownup and doing very well for himself but it was very hard.
I don't recall moaning about it though, I just seemed to soldier on from week to week.

KirstyAllsoppsFatterTwin · 30/12/2018 10:25

You sound lovely

I'm fabulous, and famous among all who know me for my sage advice and common sense. Everyone loves me. Thanks for noticing. Wink

PuntasticUsername · 30/12/2018 10:31

What a nasty, sad, goady thread.

RobinHobb · 30/12/2018 10:32

@gettingbackonmyfeet
Brilliantly and eloquently put! Everything I wanted to say and couldn’t articulate that well. That’s really nailed it

@OP
You sound a little immature if you don’t mjnd me saying so. I also similarly thought kids couldn’t be that difficult but I did find some portions very difficult (and I had a tough job beforehand).
Try putting you alarm on every three hours to stay awake 45 minutes each time for 3 months. And don’t catch up on sleep during the day or weekends and carry on going to work. I think my month 3 you will admit it’s a little hard.

KimchiLaLa · 30/12/2018 11:29

It's not hard most of the time, but some of the time, usually for peaks in time, it is. I have a one year old and while most of the time she is a delight, she will have the occasional bad phase in sleep which makes it hard, and of course right now she is learning she has "choices" in life so we are having tantrums! But she brings so much joy to us and our family. I live to see her little dimpled smile.

HalloumiGus · 30/12/2018 11:45

It's the sheer non-stop relentlessness of parenting that makes it hard because everything else keeps getting more relentless too- pressure at work, aging / sick elderly relatives / squeezed incomes. There are lots of lovely bits too but it's like having a second full time job on top of the one that pays you.

EverythingsDozy · 30/12/2018 11:47

I think what can be a worry for some would be a blessing for others. My kids eat. A lot. And they'll eat absolutely anything. I worry constantly that they're going to be fat and struggle with their weight like I do. My family find it hilarious that my DS in particular eats so much and is never hungry. I have friends and relatives whose children have very little appetite. They would love to have a child like mine. I would love to have a child like theirs.

It's been helpful to read that I am not the only one struggling through parenthood. It is hard, for all the reasons PPs have shared, whether the OP wants to recognise it or not. My kids regularly tell me that I'm the best mum, and I just reply "no I'm not". I'm rubbish at this. I go to work for a break.

KimchiLaLa · 30/12/2018 11:49

OP I've just read through your comments . You remind me a lot of a friend of mine who is a teacher. When I first had my baby she banged on and on to me about what I should and shouldn't do - because being with primary school aged kids from 8-5 is exactly the same as being with a newborn or a baby. Even now, if DD isn't sleeping well (and she's honestly not that bad) she tells me to let her cry, blah blah. It's simply not the same as being a real life, actual parent, who takes on all the emotional stress and 24/7 care and has an intricate knowledge and instinct of their child and their needs.

Merryoldgoat · 30/12/2018 11:56

I’m currently lying in bed trying to sleep but I can’t. For the last 3 nights my husband and I have had to tag-team sleep as the baby is ill with a cold and teething and upset tummy.

He has just cried unless held and rocked.

Three nights doesn’t sound like much but think about how you’d feel on 3 hours sleep three nights in a row. Oh, chuck a 5yo with SEN into the mix too.

I feel like I could pass out. I’m tearful, worried, nauseated and just fucking fed up.

I’ve had to cancel all of the nice plans I had since Christmas Day and I’m sitting in a messy as fuck house that I don’t physically have the energy to anything about.

And this isn’t unusual. This has been going on since September. Someone sick, not sleeping, needing more than I have to give but I give it anyway.

I adore my children but anyone who tells me this ‘isn’t that hard’ is an actual idiot.

Anyone doing this on their own is a fucking warrior.

brookshelley · 30/12/2018 11:58

My child is an angel at nursery and a total nightmare at home. So if you were her teacher you’d find it pretty easy too. Children are different with their own parents.

Lucyccfc · 30/12/2018 12:28

I'm a single parent, who works full time and I've found parenting has its ups and downs. I have a happy, polite, funny DS who is a pleasure to be around (95% of the time).

The hard parts are when he is ill or has issues at school. I feel like I should have all the answers and feel a bit shit when I don't.

I have a DSIS who is a teacher and used to have to remind her regularly that having a class of children from 9-3 is in no way the same as having your own child. She was very good at giving unwanted advice. She gets to go home at the end of the day to quiet house and 8 hours sleep every night.

CrimpBrunette · 30/12/2018 12:51

OP I find it really sad that you felt the need to post this on a site full of all sorts of parents. Some are struggling so bad that they'd wish to take their own lives was it not for the emotional responsibility of love for their DC. I see your original intent, to have a snide little dig at parents (though I'm not sure why this gives you satisfaction). But to say your posts have been ill thought out, insensitive and goady are massive understatements. I think you need to have a good look at yourself and ask why you are this way.

ChristmasSprite · 30/12/2018 13:22

Why is this shit thread still running, considering OPs obvious intent. Constantly telling others how great they are despite hearing horrible tales of woe.

Do you think those pp are shit OP? The ones who have actual responsibility for young lives 24/7. Who have poorly DC and still work despite no sleep?

Who's that nasty

NothingOnTellyAgain · 30/12/2018 13:24

I don't think OP is interested in anyone's posts she's just convinced she's right and enjoying slagging off her relatives.

All the women who have posted their particular and often very personal stories and she's just not interested.

If OP is as disinterested / bad at listening in real life I imagine that she does find conversations difficult. I mean I'm pretty shit at listening but even I know it's out of line to invite 100s of women to tell their personal stories and then just ignore them completely and say "no-one has given an explanantion :/".

ChristmasSprite · 30/12/2018 14:21

No wonder s/he finds child-minding a breeze when clearly doesn't give a shit. Anyone can do that..oh no..not anyone actually none of us DMs that could give a shit could actually do that.

ChristmasSprite · 30/12/2018 14:28

Maybe OP needs to see some more suffering in real life of real women doing their best by their DC
this current thread on how hard it is

Exmouthlady · 30/12/2018 17:26

It's about perspective. I brought up my 2 as a single mum with no maintenance or paternal contact (Not my choice) eldest was a dream until aged 12, then a horror, youngest a horror until age 5, then a dream.

I didn't moan or complain, I did what I could afford to do, I worked full time so aside from childcare and school while I worked, the onus was on me. They were my kids, my choice, my responsibility and I loved it all because I loved my boys, even the bad days. Because just looking at them reminded me how fortunate I was to have them.

Glitterbug76 · 30/12/2018 17:29

I think it's like others posters have said it's the responsibility and worry ! When they are poorly all your work worries little niggles about life go out the window. I wouldn't swap it for the world and forums like these help. But don't worry that your life doesn't look like others face book / insta post neither do most people's. I definitely don't compare my child as long as she is happy and healthy that's enough.

Mariedh · 30/12/2018 17:29

I am a single mum to 3.. boy 13 girl 14 and now have a 6 n half month old im 41 i absolutely love being a mum.. there is nothing i can moan about apart from i wish they didnt grow up so fast lol.. my 13 year old has issues with severe anxiety sleeping o d d my 14 year old has o c d and anxiety they are wonderful kids and i would not change nothing about them.. my baby is growin and learning so quick lol its amazing.. please love n cherish everything cause when they get to teens the only thing they love is laying in bed lol happy new year to all xx

wallowinwater · 30/12/2018 17:30

You sound like a smug and very annoying person.

Swipe left for the next trending thread